I am venting and just need a shoulder or an ear.

[loveboston]

Number 3

If I'm not mistaken you are one of the most sought after types of people in the entire poly universe.

It's too bad that you had to be part of your friend and his wife's education but your experience provides valuable insight to all of us.

You are loved and desired by a lot of very wonderful people who would consider themselves very fortunate to have you for a friend.

I am very sorry that your heart is broken.

 

[number3]

Very sorry for your pain.
I did want to say, please consider this thought, veto power doesn't mean that their partner gets to decide if they date you or not.
It means that THEY CHOOSE to defer to their partners preference.

HE chose to break it off. She didn't "make" him.
He may have made that choices at her request, but it was still his choice.

We are each individually responsible for our own actions, choices and decisions.

I have ended a relationship at my partners request and I have kept a relationship my partner threatened to divorce me if I didn't end.
The bottom line is-in both cases, it came down to ME deciding what was most important TO ME.

It hurts and you have EVERY RIGHT to be hurt.

But don't push the blame on the wife. The blame isn't hers.
She may have been wrong about you etc etc.

But he had the final choice. He made the choice. He didn't choose you and THAT HURTS. You probably need some TLC right now. We all hurt when someone we care for doesn't choose us. It's time to lick your wounds and back up a step, lots of self-care.


As for dating married people (or not married people) with veto agreements; No argument as to why one wouldn't want to-I agree.

I would caution you-that many many many people believe that they do not have those agreements, but when push comes to shove they prioritize the longer relationship over a new one.
And
ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS
Even if they say "he made me" or "she made me" the bottom line is that as an individual they are making a choice. It is their choice. It is THEIR responsibility, not their spouses.

LovingRadiance,

HE chose to break it off. She didn't "make" him.
He may have made that choices at her request, but it was still his choice.

You're correct, she could not make him do something that he did not want to do. Thank you for pointing that out to me.