This is very long, and I am sorry. Anyone that cares to read it and offer some friendly advise I will very much appreciate it. I just need to vent somewhere to someone, and this seemed like maybe the place that I could do that.
So, yes my heart is broken. I hurt inside, and I may laugh and smile and get through my day but when you stop and ask me if I am doing better the answer is still no. I am still hurting. It is a fresh wound, he only told me yesterday that we could no longer see each other. I know time will take care of this but it still hurts. You see, I can’t really share this with everyone, just like I was not really able to share my excitement for our relationship either. Because he and I are both married. In open marriage’s, but still married, and even though open marriages are not a new concept they are still not openly accepted by most people.
The more you have loved and have allowed yourself to suffer because of your love, the more you will be able to let your heart grow wider and deeper. When your love is truly giving and receiving, those whom you love will not leave your heart even when they depart from you. The pain of rejection, absence, and death can become fruitful. Yes, as you love deeply the ground of your heart will be broken more and more, but you will rejoice in the abundance of the fruit it will bear. (12 ways to mend a broken heart, Therese Borchard, 2011)
We had been seeing each other since February, it is now June. We were introduced by “some mutual acquaintances” let’s say. He contacted me by the computer, and we chatted most of the night about everything and about nothing, and time really just seemed to flyby without us even realizing it. There seemed to be an instant connection. The next day we exchanged phone numbers and continued to text each other. By the end of that day he had to meet me, and decided to make an appointment to come get his hair done at my salon where I worked.
That Saturday I was very nervous, and excited about meeting him for the first time. I spent extra time getting ready for work that morning and probably changed my clothes twenty times before I decided what to wear. I arrived to work early to make sure I was placed just so when he got there. However, he must have been excited to meet me too, because he was already there when I came in. He was getting a manicure and pedicure in the other room, but that worked because I was able to walk by and get a good look at him and her him speak. He was so good looking, and so far he seemed pretty normal. Most of the guys I meet it turns out are not usually normal.
So after I cut his hair he texted me a message that he would like to take me to lunch if I was free the rest of the day so I said yea and we met for lunch. A two hour lunch……. We talked forever, again about nothing and about everything, I really did not want the lunch to end. It is so rare to meet someone that I can connect with so effortlessly and that is what seemed to happen with him, with us, but the lunch did have to end, I had to go pick up my daughter from her play date that afternoon. He walked me to the car and said good bye and we both drove or separate ways.
Later that evening, after still texting I end up driving to his river house to meet him. This is not something that I would usually do after just meeting someone, but I just felt compelled to be with him. We had an awesome experience, I will not go into details about, but it was awesome. We had several weekends like this together. His wife started to get concerned and talked to me about her insecurities, I tried to reassure her that I did not impose any type of threat to her or their marriage. I thought that she and I had really connected during that conversation and that I had eased her fears, or at least I hoped that I had.
We had stepped back and not seen each other for nearly two months, but just sent each other little messages throughout the week and the days when our time allowed for it. You know just a quick “hey how you doing” kind of thing with a little tease every now and then. Neither of us are having sexual relations with our spouse’s or anyone else though, so to be honest we were both a little horny during this time. Finally she was going to be out of town and we would be able to see each other without him having to take time away from his family. His family does come first. We had a very lovely evening with each other and got some great exercise. We seemed to still be connecting just like before even though it had been two months since we had been intimate together.
A week went by and then his messages seemed to stop. I did not want to bother him, he works a lot so I had only sent him two messages that Monday just a hey how are you, message and then a “good morning” message the next day, No response to any of them. Later on Tuesday I received a long message explaining how he was sorry to have to do this in a text but that she ( his wife ) was concerned that we were getting to close and that she was uncomfortable with it. He said “ Hi… sorry I haven’t been chatting… Mxxxx came to me yesterday with serious concerns as she views it about you and I…. I reassured her that I had no intentions or thoughts of leaving her… None the less she stated she still had serious concerns… when we first talked about doing this in our relationship we agreed that we both had a veto vote if we did not agree with something the other was doing… so I told her that if that is what she wanted that I would honor her wishes to stop seeing you and chatting with you all the time….at this point she hasent said she wants you removed or blocked from my emails and facebook and what not… for now it is just a stop chatting and of course meeting you for playtime. He said maybe after some time has passed she will change her mind…. Maybe not… that is why I at least gave it a day for her to cool down and see if she changed her mind or anything…. But she hasent….. I am sorry I am not in person to tell you these things.. you are ! a great person and deserve respect about this…. Hopefully time will allow things to cool off we will just have to see.. I am sorry that we cant make it work out right now…. I only wish the best for you and your family..”
I knew something was up before I got the message, but actually reading it put a huge lump in my throat. It hurt, and I was trying really hard to not break down, because I was at work, but I broke. Like a flood I broke. I cried myself to sleep that night. Last night. It was only yesterday. This is all so raw for me still. I don’t understand this “Veto” power. I mean how can a person tell someone that they are okay with them having other relationships and then when they find one that seems to work yank it away from them. It is just a power play to make sure that they are still important? I don’t know. But what I do know is that it hurts, it hurts bad, and as the girlfriend I feel like I have no say in this, I feel now like I was just a toy, to be use and then thrown away. I never expected him to put me before his wife or his family, but this I did not expect either. I was nice to her, I tried to be her friend. I wanted her to know me and trust me so that she would know that I was not a threat. We never got that chance.
I know that everything happens for a reason, I don’t know yet what the reasons are for this, but I do know that it is all in God’s plan and only time will heal me and show me what I was to learn. I did enjoy every single minute that we got to share together, and there is that. I had the best date of my life, so far at least, and that is something. I also found that someone can still find me attractive and make me feel beautiful about myself. All good things to take from this. Then I think maybe I also should take the lesson that married men with wives that have veto power should be off limits for me. My heart just cannot take it again.
If you read this far thank you.
Number 3
So, yes my heart is broken. I hurt inside, and I may laugh and smile and get through my day but when you stop and ask me if I am doing better the answer is still no. I am still hurting. It is a fresh wound, he only told me yesterday that we could no longer see each other. I know time will take care of this but it still hurts. You see, I can’t really share this with everyone, just like I was not really able to share my excitement for our relationship either. Because he and I are both married. In open marriage’s, but still married, and even though open marriages are not a new concept they are still not openly accepted by most people.
The more you have loved and have allowed yourself to suffer because of your love, the more you will be able to let your heart grow wider and deeper. When your love is truly giving and receiving, those whom you love will not leave your heart even when they depart from you. The pain of rejection, absence, and death can become fruitful. Yes, as you love deeply the ground of your heart will be broken more and more, but you will rejoice in the abundance of the fruit it will bear. (12 ways to mend a broken heart, Therese Borchard, 2011)
We had been seeing each other since February, it is now June. We were introduced by “some mutual acquaintances” let’s say. He contacted me by the computer, and we chatted most of the night about everything and about nothing, and time really just seemed to flyby without us even realizing it. There seemed to be an instant connection. The next day we exchanged phone numbers and continued to text each other. By the end of that day he had to meet me, and decided to make an appointment to come get his hair done at my salon where I worked.
That Saturday I was very nervous, and excited about meeting him for the first time. I spent extra time getting ready for work that morning and probably changed my clothes twenty times before I decided what to wear. I arrived to work early to make sure I was placed just so when he got there. However, he must have been excited to meet me too, because he was already there when I came in. He was getting a manicure and pedicure in the other room, but that worked because I was able to walk by and get a good look at him and her him speak. He was so good looking, and so far he seemed pretty normal. Most of the guys I meet it turns out are not usually normal.
So after I cut his hair he texted me a message that he would like to take me to lunch if I was free the rest of the day so I said yea and we met for lunch. A two hour lunch……. We talked forever, again about nothing and about everything, I really did not want the lunch to end. It is so rare to meet someone that I can connect with so effortlessly and that is what seemed to happen with him, with us, but the lunch did have to end, I had to go pick up my daughter from her play date that afternoon. He walked me to the car and said good bye and we both drove or separate ways.
Later that evening, after still texting I end up driving to his river house to meet him. This is not something that I would usually do after just meeting someone, but I just felt compelled to be with him. We had an awesome experience, I will not go into details about, but it was awesome. We had several weekends like this together. His wife started to get concerned and talked to me about her insecurities, I tried to reassure her that I did not impose any type of threat to her or their marriage. I thought that she and I had really connected during that conversation and that I had eased her fears, or at least I hoped that I had.
We had stepped back and not seen each other for nearly two months, but just sent each other little messages throughout the week and the days when our time allowed for it. You know just a quick “hey how you doing” kind of thing with a little tease every now and then. Neither of us are having sexual relations with our spouse’s or anyone else though, so to be honest we were both a little horny during this time. Finally she was going to be out of town and we would be able to see each other without him having to take time away from his family. His family does come first. We had a very lovely evening with each other and got some great exercise. We seemed to still be connecting just like before even though it had been two months since we had been intimate together.
A week went by and then his messages seemed to stop. I did not want to bother him, he works a lot so I had only sent him two messages that Monday just a hey how are you, message and then a “good morning” message the next day, No response to any of them. Later on Tuesday I received a long message explaining how he was sorry to have to do this in a text but that she ( his wife ) was concerned that we were getting to close and that she was uncomfortable with it. He said “ Hi… sorry I haven’t been chatting… Mxxxx came to me yesterday with serious concerns as she views it about you and I…. I reassured her that I had no intentions or thoughts of leaving her… None the less she stated she still had serious concerns… when we first talked about doing this in our relationship we agreed that we both had a veto vote if we did not agree with something the other was doing… so I told her that if that is what she wanted that I would honor her wishes to stop seeing you and chatting with you all the time….at this point she hasent said she wants you removed or blocked from my emails and facebook and what not… for now it is just a stop chatting and of course meeting you for playtime. He said maybe after some time has passed she will change her mind…. Maybe not… that is why I at least gave it a day for her to cool down and see if she changed her mind or anything…. But she hasent….. I am sorry I am not in person to tell you these things.. you are ! a great person and deserve respect about this…. Hopefully time will allow things to cool off we will just have to see.. I am sorry that we cant make it work out right now…. I only wish the best for you and your family..”
I knew something was up before I got the message, but actually reading it put a huge lump in my throat. It hurt, and I was trying really hard to not break down, because I was at work, but I broke. Like a flood I broke. I cried myself to sleep that night. Last night. It was only yesterday. This is all so raw for me still. I don’t understand this “Veto” power. I mean how can a person tell someone that they are okay with them having other relationships and then when they find one that seems to work yank it away from them. It is just a power play to make sure that they are still important? I don’t know. But what I do know is that it hurts, it hurts bad, and as the girlfriend I feel like I have no say in this, I feel now like I was just a toy, to be use and then thrown away. I never expected him to put me before his wife or his family, but this I did not expect either. I was nice to her, I tried to be her friend. I wanted her to know me and trust me so that she would know that I was not a threat. We never got that chance.
I know that everything happens for a reason, I don’t know yet what the reasons are for this, but I do know that it is all in God’s plan and only time will heal me and show me what I was to learn. I did enjoy every single minute that we got to share together, and there is that. I had the best date of my life, so far at least, and that is something. I also found that someone can still find me attractive and make me feel beautiful about myself. All good things to take from this. Then I think maybe I also should take the lesson that married men with wives that have veto power should be off limits for me. My heart just cannot take it again.
If you read this far thank you.
Number 3
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