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Z

Zeggplant

New member
Hello,

I am a 24 French female, and I've been wishing for some time now to know more about polyamory.

At first I wrote like 4 paragraphs explaining my situation in details, but I don't think that would be a good introduction. To keep it simple, I've been in a monogamous relationship for 3 years but have always been able to fall in love with/feel strongly attracted to other people. I've always ignored those feelings and felt terrible because of that, but you know, everything passes eventually and life goes on.

But for the last 3 months I've been in love with another guy and that does not affect how much I love my boyfriend, which really made me realise that I definitely have the right mindset for polyamory. The 2nd guy doesn't know and even though I know he feels the same I haven't done anything explicit because I don't want to cheat on my boyfriend.

Being in love with that other guy makes me even happier with my current relationship as I feel whole by loving several persons at the same time. But I know that at some point the frustration will kick in because I can't not feel what I feel, and when it'll happen I know I'll feel very depressed again (it happened before...).

My boyfriend isn't open at all about having several partners. He is an awesome boyfriend but doesn't want to share, which I understand. At no point I intend on hurting him (or the other guy, which is why I don't act explicitly) or leaving him, so I guess I'll just silence my craving for more.

For this I decided to go find some polyamorous people and talk to them (you ^^) because I think I'd like to discuss and get some support for the choice I am making, and maybe have some more understandinh on this special mindset I seem to have.

Well, it still was rather long in the end. Thank you for reading the whole thing ^^;

Have a nice day everyone o/
 
Greetings Zeggplant,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Count me one who supports your choice; you can certainly gain some more knowledge and understanding here. Look around and see what threads call to you. Post if you have any questions.

I'm glad to have you with us.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

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Welcome aboard!
 
Hi. I think you are doing the right thing. it rarely works out when a person suddenly decides to be poly because they have fallen in love with someone other than their mono partner.

You have a lot of thinking to do. Can you continue being mono? Did poly just interest you because there was another guy right there?
 
Hi vinsanity0, thanks for your kind words.

It's been some time now that I've been interested into poly, even though I didn't really know it was an actual thing. I remember imagining Sims families with more than just 2 parents. I remember thinking that having only one partner should not be an obligation and that some people, for sure, could he happy with more than that.

Also, as I said, I've always been able to frequently fall in love with people even when I was in a relationship. But since I am a very imaginative woman, and since I live a lot in my head (in my daydreams and my fantasies), I've always kinda been able to ignore those feelings, especially since they were mostly well handled, and that the person couldn't guess I felt anything for them. So, it was never really reciprocal, or at least not to the point that I would feel threatened in my situation. The frustration of nor going toward the person I liked was not pleasant but for the sake of my relationships I would always deal with it anyway.

This time it is different, because that guy (let's call him Sleepwalker), well I know he likes me too. And it's been 3 months now that I refrain myself from being explicitly flirty with him, and at some moments the frustration of not being able to court him really made me feel depressed.

I do not want to hurt anyone, and of course I end up being the one who's hurt...

So, to answer your question : no, I've thought about having the proper mindset for polyamoury, but I've never encountered the situation in which I really wished I was openly poly, so I never really felt the need to know more...
 
Sorry you are hurting ... :(
 
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