I Hit Another Bump, Keep Finding New Experiences I Do Not Know How to Cope

S

Sageflutterby

Member
My metamour told our hinge that she hated me and that she hated every single person he had dated before me.

She still insists she is not polyamorous. She had sent me an email to advise me of that. I pointed out either she was polyamorous (because she loves and lives with two partners) or she was lying to one of her partners.

She also admitted that she didn't want me in her life or any evidence that I was in our shared partner's life.

I have never been hated before. I don't enjoy the feeling and it makes me feel confused and distressed.

I invited our shared partner to zoolights in Phoenix in November, offered to pay for his kids to go, to show that I was willing to share time with his family and because his other partner insists he doesn't spend time enough with the kids. I didn't want him to feel or her to have ammunition that I was creating a them or me choice. And he always hangs out with my kids when he comes around. Months ago before these issues came up, his kids did come to my place once and had fun.

His oldest son asked his mother when he could see me again and it pissed her off. I wasn't trying to take anyone's place. I just talked to him about pokemon and minecraft because I'm a gamer, too.

Originally my partner said he would go to zoolights with me and was open to taking the kids. Then later said he had to take the other partner first before he could do the event with me, which almost made me walk away. He clarified that she has to have first attendance at events with the children and I was like, all right, I can accept that but then I lost the desire to go anywhere because of the fall out.

After some time, I processed my emotions and then asked him out again, offering to pay for the children. He argued with his partner that I was willing to do shared time and she said he wasn't allowed to spend time with the kids and me at the same time.

They scheduled zoolights on my date night with him (he admitted a scheduling error but despite having the whole week off and him telling her he made a mistake, she demanded they go on our normal date night. Then the next date night (my overnight), she went out with her other partner without communicating with our shared partner and I didn't get that date either.

My metamour also had a text conversation with our shared hinge during our bonding time where she ended every reply or answered his text when he tried to talk to her by using the phrase, "Sorry for interrupting her [Sageflutterby's time]. Only I don't think she was sorry, I think it was just passive aggressive. He told her he didn't appreciate that when next they had a moment to talk and she told him she didn't give a shit and that she was Queen Bitch.

Like, if I give in to the manipulation and anger it creates and walk away, then her machinations were successful. And if I don't, then I feel like I have to accept a relationship on her terms. And I don't want to do that. But I don't want to consent to her behaviors or terms.

I asked my partner, who's last partner declared she was sick of his wife's behaviors, if his wife/my metamour was acting in the same mannerisms as she had done when he dated his last girlfriend. And he admitted that there was a pattern to the behaviors. And I'm just feeling hurt and angry and I don't know what to do.

I don't like being hated. I just don't. I also don't want my relationship dictated by someone else's terms but I don't want to react to her manipulation either. I don't know what to do.
 
Your problem is not with her; your problem is with him.

He needs to stop letting his other relationship leak over into yours. He is the one agreeing to abide by her conditions or reading messages she sends when he should be concentrating on spending time with you. He is the one who needs to put his foot (and phone) down.

Stop letting him shift the blame onto your metamor and make him take responsibility for his actions.
 
I can't make anyone do anything except for myself.

I can express my concerns and ask. That doesn't mean he can always give me what I'm asking for. He makes decisions on the basis that it's easier to deal with my emotions rather than her anger. I had to inform him that just because I do not react does not mean I'm ok and I informed him how much it hurt me and made me feel less that my feelings are always of lesser concern because he doesn't want to live with her anger. He says when she's mad at him that it spills over onto the children.

I do communicate to him what hurts me. I do ask for changes. And he does try. But that doesn't mean he's always in a position to effect change quickly. I'm trying to be patient and trying to be considerate of other people's needs in addition to my own.

All forcing the issue will do is place him a situation where he is unable to act at this time. He says sometimes he feels trapped and doesn't see another action. Sometimes I get angry because I feel there are actions to be taken but it requires rocking the boat, but how can I ask him to do that when he's the one who has to deal with the angry irrational person who is integral to the household.

I took this forum's advice and do not go to his house. I'm not allowed over there now, anyways. I'm not allowed to interact with the children. I didn't want parallel poly but I'm doing it because I realize I can't force a friendship with a metamour.

I might have made different decisions at one point in time but I'm attached and I care for him. And I hate the way he is treated but he feels powerless to change it. It's not about valuing his other relationship over me, even if I struggle with those insecurities.

It's about the fact that I recognize some things can't be brute forced. And it's about the fact that his feelings are disregarded and not given weight. The things that make the situation what it is are also the things that make him a good person. He wants to please both parties and because I try to be self aware and logical, he tends to err on the side of the person who is not logical and who has strong emotional reactions.

I realize it can seem like an excuse. But things are not as cut and dried as some of the advice seems. Whether or not his actions are responsible for the spillage over onto me, I still do not like the feeling of being hated.

I did not tell her or him they couldn't message. I just asked that he not break in the middle of sex to text. And he has acknowledged his behavior and apologized. It's just I try so hard to be reasonable and logical that sometimes the emotions spill out and I wanted to speak to people who were also poly and had experience.

Anyways, my other partner got home from work and helped me with my hurt and another person has also been bolstering me. So thank you for the advice. I think I have a handle on my emotions again.
 
Emm is right. The problem is with your partner. As long as he always gives into your metamore's demands, he will always be captive to her bad behavior. And by extension, so, too, will you. Stick to your boundaries. If he interrupts your date nights to take unimportant calls and texts from her, then get up and do something else. Or walk out. Show him how you want to treated. Maybe read up on boundaries. There are loving ways to apply your boundaries....

As for being hated by your metamore....it doesn't sound personal. It's not you she hates, it's your position in his life. And it sounds like he's always given into her bad behavior so it works.....he dates, she runs them off....he allows it.....so she has no incentive to actually get to know anyone he dates because she knows she can run them off. It has nothing to do with you personally.
 
Sageflutterby said:
I still do not like the feeling of being hated.
Click to expand...
Realize that there's likely nothing at all personal about this - she doesn't hate you, she hates something about the situation and lets her feelings project on her idea of you and what you represent.

That could help you a little. I understand not wanting to be the "cause" of such feelings though.
 
I agree you have a hinge problem not a metamour problem.

You say you will not have his other relationship effect and bleed into yours. If it happens again you will have no ther option but to end your relationship with him. You are an adult you do not have to communicate with her what so ever. I would send a blunt to the point email/message to her saying do not contact me again unless our shared partner has an emergency. Period and end of sentence.
 
It sounds like your hinge shouldn't be dating. I would be livid if I found out that this was how he expected his wife to react. That he knowingly put you in such a rotten position. That he choose to drag your feeling through the dirt while knowing that he isn't available for another relationship. Because he isn't available. The way he is treating you and your relationship is so disrespectful. He knew how she would handle the situation. He's seen it happen before. Is how she treating him unfair? probably. But he knew who his wife was long before he dragged your heart into this. It's clear she can't handle him having another relationship with any kind of respect, his choice to start one with you anyway shows a real lack of care for either of you.
 
Rosephase, your post hurts the worst because it aligns with how I felt when he told me. I was heartsick that I lost my date night Wednesday without communication but was willing to let the fight for my boundary slide to help him have peace at home, I consoled myself with the reminder that I would have him overnight Thursday and then it was canceled, so I was left with a disappointment and a knowledge that I wasn't important in the consideration of Wednesay to be remembered and then had the thing I was looking forward to, something I had confirmed and reminded him of on multiple occasions, cancelled.

I asked him, as I had a sudden moment of understanding as to why his last girlfriend acted the way she did. Originally, it was framed to me as he broke it off with her because she wanted him to be something he wasn't. But he had made the comment that her fight with his wife happened because she told the wife and him that she was sick of "metamour and boyfriend's behaviors". And I asked our hinge if the feelings I was dealing with and my metamour's behaviors were a pattern that had occurred in the previous relationship and he hemmed and hawwed and then admitted 'yes'. And I held my silence on the phone.

I told him I was willing to let things pass because of the holidays and other factors I won't discuss here, but I wasn't happy with the pattern of events recurring as I experienced them.

He also knows that if I had had this knowledge up front I would not have gotten into the relationship. I feel upset because I dearly love him, who he is, his brains, his personality, everything. And I feel that loving someone means acceptance and tolerance and not abandoning people just because things aren't a hundred percent the way I wanted them. But I struggle with my own emotions so much every time.

There have been small changes and progressions. There absolutely have. Part of the reason the metamour is treating him so poorly across some levels is because he's challenged her to maintain boundaries. I guess I keep going because I do see the efforts he is making even when it feels like one step forward one step back. And I fear I'm a homewrecker by expressing some boundaries as not negotiable now.

The boundaries and what I was willing to accept as a minimum to start a relationship were discussed and agreed to before I continued to committing to our relationship. And have been re visited and some renegotiation has taken place. I compromise a lot, I feel. And I'm not rigid about schedules being flexible, what I'm upset about is the lack of consideration and communication and planning.

An emergency is one thing. Everything else though, there's no reason not to communicate. And he's getting better about that too, but it's an uphill battle.

Thank you for speaking things I had in my heart but I couldn't say because I thought I was being unreasonable or selfish.

I was livid. I just chose not to show it or speak in anger.
 
Sageflutterby said:
Originally, it was framed to me as he broke it off with her because she wanted him to be something he wasn't.
Click to expand...

She wanted a good partner. And he isn't that.

You loving him isn't enough. He isn't available or capable of giving you a relationship that isn't full of drama, confusion and disrespect.

He is not a good partner.

I'm so sorry that you have been struggling so much. You could choose to end that struggle. There is no light at the end of this tunnel. He isn't even trying to fix the situation. He is so busy trying to avoid abusive treatment form his partner that he is acting abusive towards you. He isn't available for a relationship with you. He isn't capable of a relationship with you. And it's heartbreaking that *maybe* under other circumstances (him not having a controlling abusive messy partner) he would have been available and capable. But that isn't where you are.

Leaving someone you love is so so so so hard. But I just read through all your threads and... fuck... this isn't going to get better.

If you loved yourself with the same kind of determined commitment that you love him, you would have been out of there ages ago. You have a kind and forgiving heart. The way you love is so full of hope and chances. But this isn't working. Take your kind heart and give it to people who can love you the way you love them.
 
I agree with rosephase 100%. I know it feels like she is the "bad guy" here, but he clearly knows that he is unable to make polyamory work with his wife, and it isn't unreasonable for you to feel like you've been trapped into a situation where you are now attached to someone you wouldn't have chosen to be in a relationship before if you had known. He deliberately withheld this information from you because he knew you wouldn't enter a relationship with him if you knew.

It sounds like he is repeating the same behaviors over and over again, in the hopes that someone will tolerate his wife's behavior, or that his wife will magically change.

His wife will not magically change, so you need to decide whether to tolerate his wife's behavior. I know that you said you feel like if you walk away, then her machinations were successful. Keep in mind, that if you tolerate his behavior, then what he has learned is that his strategy (not revealing the truth about his wife's behavioral patterns from the start) will work too. The one who loses the most is you and the two of them get exactly what they want -- a girlfriend/metamour who is willing to put up with "Queen Bitch."

PS: If you read any of my other posts and the advice that others have given me, you'll see that I am no stranger to having a hard time enforcing boundaries with someone that I love. I don't envy your situation at all and I really hope you all are able to make this work, but it really sounds like the first step is to walk away (at least for awhile) and clear your head. It really helped me when I needed to set boundaries.
 
I came to this forum reeling after a situation that was... not identical, but had similarities - the only difference was that my partner was at least a good enough hinge to dump me because he couldn’t / wouldn’t / didn’t want to (?) stand up to his wife.

Ironically, one of my then meta’s favorite quotes is perhaps most appropriate here:
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. Maya Angelou
Click to expand...

Your partner has shown you, will continue to show you. I know you love him. But everything you’ve written about him says this relationship is toxic for you.
 
Hi Sageflutterby,

It sounds like your metamour (your shared partner's wife) is a real piece of work. It would not be good to be liked by her, that would mean that you had qualities she identified with. It's too bad that your partner caves in to her so easily. She has him in a state of terror, he thinks he is just being nice to her but in reality he is kowtowing to her wrath. You have to decide if you want to stay in a relationship with him. That won't be easy to decide. And if you do decide to stay, you will have to tolerate her behavior. Make no mistake, she will still win in that scenario. She has the game rigged.

With sympathy,
Kevin T.
 
Sageflutterby said:
I can't make anyone do anything except for myself.
Click to expand...
True, but you can acknowledge that it is their choice to do what they choose to do.

Sageflutterby said:
All forcing the issue will do is place him a situation where he is unable to act at this time.
Click to expand...
The issue to force is that where he chooses not to act he must take responsibility for making that choice. Allowing him to deflect the blame means he will never have any investment in changing his hurtful behaviour. So long as it's all his wife's fault he doesn't have to do anything because he's just the poor peacemaker stuck in the middle.

Sageflutterby said:
He wants to please both parties...
Click to expand...
He may want this, but he fails miserably at it. Clearly his chosen method has proven to be ineffective. It's time to try something different.

Sageflutterby said:
I did not tell her or him they couldn't message. I just asked that he not break in the middle of sex to text.
Click to expand...
If that's a thing that actually happened, then you should tell him not to text.
 
I would argue that our hinge was successful in making poly work with his wife because they live as a vee in their home with metamour and her boyfriend and husband. She has a successful polyamorous relationship as long as neither person that is her partner dates. They are still open.

But I hear and understand what you are telling me. I do not think he/our shared partner acknowledged some things until I asked some very pointed questions.

He did, this morning after metamour got back and slept, approached her and told her in the future that the dates on the calendar were non-negotiable except in circumstances of emergency or advanced planning with family in town or holidays.

And her reply to him, instead of the disrespect of last week was instead an apology.

I have told him of the advice I have sought out, so he knows. And I asked him point blank a few other items, such as trying to figure out if perhaps dates are getting easily canceled because he wants more time for himself which is different than being forgotten and perhaps he was giving me a reason that would be sympathetic and he reaffirmed that is not the case.

I also pointed out that we haven't had any Thursday overnights since October when I stopped paying for hotel rooms (budget costs and new job switch). He said when he thought about it, he realized that I was correct and he hadn't realized we weren't having Thursdays like we agreed upon. I had given a pass because of illness and other reasons.

As I have said, he has been pushing back against his wife, that is part of the reason for the increased fighting and friction. I asked him if he felt I was unreasonable or too demanding and he said no, that he wanted those things too.

I admitted some of the information that made me distraught was because I felt a good partner should care about what makes their partners happy, so I have a habit of asking about things that are normal parts of conversation. I knew that family was important to him and that he loved his wife, and so I asked how the family was, how she was doing because I was concerned about her mental health in the past. We have come to an agreement that I shall instead ask how he is and how his children are, instead.

It is confusing because I do want his other relationships to be happy. I was not inviting the misery that spilled over onto me but neither did I want to show a lack of interest in my partner's life and things important to him.

I do agree with much of what was advised to me in this thread, but I think some things are being advised without context or any perception other than my own in this story. I'm trying to be fair.

And our hinge also realizes that I do not want to live according to the wife's dictates. I would be willing to have all three of us come to the table and negotiate acceptable scheduling and expectations but she has never allowed me to their meetings. I know the situation is getting serious enough for me to consider some courses of action as advised by Dagferi, Emm and MsEmotional because I was discussing with both my partners how I felt and how I should measure when enough is too much.

I have resolved to keep talking to both partners. And the hinge partner is fighting. While I was crying on his chest today, he got kind of quiet and slow as I expressed frustration that I couldn't communicate with the metamour to resolve things nor could I control her actions regarding boundaries. And he said that was his fight and gave me that recognition.

He has repeatedly said that I was worth fighting for in the past, when I asked him to maintain our boundaries against the third party's manipulation. And I would get frustrated watching him freeze, unable to make a decision because he didn't want to lose me or piss her off. And then I spoke but while it made the metamour respond by giving me verbal acknowledgement of boundaries, the actions did not suit the words.

The change is incremental, but I can see it. And he is changing as well. I honestly don't think he realized the similarities until I asked him the pointed questions about his other partner's behaviors because everyone treated the previous girlfriend like she was trying to cowboy him away from his family. But I have repeatedly made it clear that I don't mind sharing and I have avoided giving any behaviors that would put me directly in the line of fire.

It is the opinion of my second partner that part of the reason the interactions with the metamour have been escalating have been in part because I am not responding as past girlfriends have. In part, with the forum giving me some advice near October (thank you), I backed away from the home and did not challenge or criticize what I observed. But I did point out things that were hurting me.

Our hinge and I had a long conversation today. He helped me grocery shop and clean the kitchen while we talked. And made time for me on a day that should have belonged to the metamour after communication, in an attempt to make sure that my feelings were addressed.

I do think he is a good partner. I do think he is a good man. And while I agree with the forum that some of these issues can be corrected by him with his other partner, it is also true that I have to give him some time to correct the behaviors. Tiny steps.

I was hoping, I guess, to assess where we were at when we hit the year mark of our relationship. He has already indicated that he wanted to change things as soon as he could afford the freedom to act without hurting his ability to provide for his children. He has told the metamour that if their relationship fractures it will be because of her behaviors hurting him, not because of another relationship. He has said that he loves us both and that he's not going to make a statement about loving one person more, that it isn't a competition. And after they had that conversation, Thursday happened and Friday she gave him the apology.

I don't have the conviction to implement Dagferi's suggestion yet, because I couldn't follow through. It would be an empty gesture on my part. But Dagferi's suggestion and MsEmotional's as well as Emm's advisements are things that have been in the back of my mind for a little while and I know that confrontation is coming. I'm just hoping it won't have to, that maybe it was a matter of getting used to me and realizing that I wasn't going to steal her husband, or take her place. She's having nightmares that he will abandon her, or was a few months ago. I guess I was hoping with time that she would realize I was no threat. I told her that. I wrote letters. I have my own life and responsibilities. But she doesn't seem to make the connection, so I have broken off contact as Dagferi suggested. I did not respond to her last email as I didn't want to fight. I can't control her interpretation of my words and everything seems an attack to her.

Thank you for providing me wisdom and support. It helped me stabilize and work through my own emotional work. Thank you. I am not discounting the forum's advice. I may implement it if things do not change after today's discussions.
 
I have so much to say here, although I think the other forum members above have pretty much covered it.

Yes, your partner's wife might be "Queen Bitch" (read: a bitch) but it's HIM who chooses to:
a.) stay in a bad-verging-on-abusive relationship with her
AND
b.) knowingly place YOU and your feelings second to hers, at almost every turn. This isn't fair on you. Almost certainly he behaves like this because it's easier for him to deal with. (i.e. You don't cause as much of a fuss as his wife. He knows it and figures it'll be easier to appease you, rather than her, if the shit hits the fan, so invariably he chooses the path of least resistance.)

This is a man who shouldn't be doing polyamory - not at this time, perhaps never.

I remember your past posts, Sageflutterby, and it doesn't sound as if things have improved much for you, though you say your partner is "trying". Clearly, he is not trying hard enough. He repeatedly allows his wife to disrespect you and take time away from your relationship, by both overt and covert means.

Personally, I think you've given this relationship enough time and energy. If he won't divorce her and isn't committed to giving YOUR relationship the importance it deserves (for example, attending couples counselling with you; refusing to answer her manipulative, time-consuming texts during your dates, setting and maintaining his boundaries with her) then all your doing is prolonging the pain of an inevitable break-up, or series of breakups/makeups.
 
Sageflutterby said:
.... maybe it was a matter of getting used to me and realizing that I wasn't going to steal her husband, or take her place. She's having nightmares that he will abandon her, or was a few months ago. I guess I was hoping with time that she would realize I was no threat. I told her that. I wrote letters. I have my own life and responsibilities. But she doesn't seem to make the connection, so I have broken off contact as Dagferi suggested. I did not respond to her last email as I didn't want to fight. I can't control her interpretation of my words and everything seems an attack to her.
Click to expand...

As someone who's contended with enormous abandonment issues, I'll say that you have done all you can in this arena. We sometimes minimize "abandonment issues" as if we were stray puppies and could be made all better by a loving owner, but the truth is that some abandonment issues go as deep as alcoholism and require intense, ongoing and lifelong "recovery" action. It sounds to me as if your Meta has no recovery at all - no therapy, no community/group work, little self-examination, no spiritual practice. All of these are essential for a person who has emerged from an experience (or repeated experiences, as in my case) of severe loss as a child. It's deep, dark territory and NOBODY in this person's present can make it all better. NOBODY. This kind of work, just as with alcoholism, can only be done by the individual herself. You rightly sense that your efforts do little to actually reassure her and that is because she has no fertile internal ground for your loving seeds to take root. She is not a Queen Bitch at heart, although her behavior certainly is atrocious. She is in massive pain and fear rules her world. Her husband cannot save her and all of his efforts to massage her fragile feelings are really just so much enabling. She has to do the work if anything is to change.

The only question for you right now is: How close do I want to be to this situation?
 
lunabunny said:
If he won't divorce her and isn't committed to giving YOUR relationship the importance it deserves (for example, attending couples counselling with you; refusing to answer her manipulative, time-consuming texts during your dates, setting and maintaining his boundaries with her) then all your doing is prolonging the pain of an inevitable break-up, or series of breakups/makeups.
Click to expand...

While I agree with the counseling advice, I think if I were to come on the forums complaining that a man who's been 11 years married with two children, one of them with duchenne's muscular dystrophy, won't divorce his other partner for someone who's been in a relationship with him for 9 months that the forum would be advocating that I was still in the throes of NRE and needed to readjust my thinking.

I told him when we started our relationship I would never ask him to choose between me and his other partner because that's not a battle I want to lose. I certainly don't have to deal with the consequences of those factors he must deal with in the event that those changes happen. I do not want to upset the financial stability they have. I do not want to upset the structure they will need as co-parents to take care of a child who's body is going to be wasting away and who may be immobilized and require caregiving or die.

I will not demand or ask him to divorce his wife, nor do I think that's the proper action for me to take, in order for him to continue seeing me. He has already mentioned recently that if things do not change that when he is able to finish off the obligations financially he is already committed to that in seven years he would divorce. He has said he'd thought about it, without prompting from me, but didn't feel in a position to do so.

I have already asked permission to continue to be part of his life in the event that they do divorce. He was agreeable but at the same time I have expressed fear to him that divorce, particularly nasty ones, have a way of disrupting and changing everything in the person's life. It would be a drastic difference in the quality of life all people in that household maintain, and which supports two children.

Polyamory should in theory allow people to have relationships without giving up the securities and work invested in existing relationships. And while I agree it would make my life a lot easier emotionally in some respects not to have to deal with the wife, that's not ever going to be my position, to advocate divorce. Though I will support him, whatever he does, as long as our relationship is strong.

I have offered that if things get too bad, since he is worried he can't support two households financially (spouse is live at home and does not work, has not worked but occasional part time jobs in eleven years), that he could stay at our place rent free. But I was cautious because I don't want to look like a cowgirl. I gave him a key to the house. This is part of the reason he does feel trapped, by finances.

We can talk all day how if someone wants something they can just take an action to prove their commitment but the reality is in modern America that healthcare bankrupting people is a thing and that the financial burden upon families with severe long term problems requires people to make hard decisions. I realize this may seem an excuse.

But me ending the relationship if he won't divorce his wife is not the solution I am looking for and I won't consider that. I will, if the results of the conversation he and his other partner had in Dec 2017 don't stick, reassess at the year mark. And if things truly have not changed and never will, then I will implement Dagferi's advice.

As for the abandonment issues, metamour's boyfriend, her spouse, and I have all been trying to advocate therapy for her and her marriage, individual and couples counseling. She doesn't want to talk to a stranger and believes she doesn't have issues. She's declined grief therapy, she's declined the suggestion of therapy for depression. She is resistant to any suggestion of therapy. Our hinge/her spouse and her boyfriend can keep fighting that fight.

I am going to take Dagferi's, Emm's and MsEmotionals recommendations to heart and not contact or respond to contact from metamour again unless it's an invitation for me to join a kitchen table style discussion or a plea for help or an admittance that she's in therapy and wants to build a bridge of acceptance. I'm still willing to ally with her. I don't understand why she doesn't see the potential that I can bring but I will keep the door open in the unlikely event that things turn around. And I will close that door when or if the time comes that I need to walk away.
 
Thank you for sharing that... It does make a difference

Therapy or group work is a must for everyone, if so graced! What it brings if done is absolutely amazing for anyone and everyone.
Your metamour needs it! As a matter of fact I would just say it any time and Everytime communication with such a person has to be done.

As for you.. Don't forget to appreciate the help here, as you have, it's a long long road.

Thank you for sharing
 
Sageflutterby said:
And I will close that door when or if the time comes that I need to walk away.
Click to expand...

Do you have boundaries in place for walking away?

Because after reading your posts I worry that you have a sliding goal post for your relationship.

So when does walking away happen?

Here are some suggestions I have form reading what you've been going through:

It's time to end the relationship if
-Hinge or meta suggestion down grading your relationship again.
-Hinge can not keep to commitments (how many dates missed is to many? 3? 5?)
-If meta becomes abusive toward you. (if meta keeps contacting you and telling you upsetting things like she hates you)

I honestly think you should walk away now. But I understand that you aren't choosing that. You are so into this relationship you are willing to put yourself in painful, distressing and disrespectful situations. Which is why it is SO important to have a standard to hold yourself to.

When do you walk away? What boundaries do you have around this relationship?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top