I wonder

Polyglamorous

Polyglamorous

New member
I wonder what the odds are of meeting people who would be okay with/ participate in a polyamorous relationship. So far I'm batting 1 out of 4 and the one was just more of a glorified friendship so I feel like it's 0-4. Not only do you have to meet one person who's okay with it, you'd then have to meet another. The odds seem unlikely. I also don't see the point of doing it if I can't date the people I would actually want to date.

It seems Unlikely if you want it to be a natural evolution. I don't want relationships from a dating site. I have a hard time with those because they all seem so insincere. Everyone is there for the same reason, but it seems it would take away the rejection of the situation. Since everyone on the site has already stated they are okay with poly and it's on my profile. I just find it impossible to build genuine conversation/relationships with someone when the intentions are already implied. Does this make sense? Anyone have any numbers or statistics on meeting poly people naturally? I think I'm being difficult.
 
So what seems insincere about relationships from dating sites? I personally *like* getting the rejection out of the way early, both from a poly point of view and even an "available and interested in the idea of dating SOMEONE" point of view.
 
Polyglamorous said:
I wonder what the odds are of meeting people who would be okay with/ participate in a polyamorous relationship.

Not only do you have to meet one person who's okay with it, you'd then have to meet another. The odds seem unlikely. I also don't see the point of doing it if I can't date the people I would actually want to date.

It seems Unlikely if you want it to be a natural evolution.
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No idea what the odds are. I happen to be in a poly "V" right now, but it was more of a "natural evolution" as you say, rather than anything planned.

When I met them online (no, not through a dating site), it was through mutual friends and each started off as your ordinary, run of the mill platonic friendship. Neither of my now-partners considered themselves polyamorous at the time; nor did I. In fact, poly dating was the furtherest thing from my mind, although my partners were more open to general non-monogamy.

I was aware Jester and Boho knew each other, but didn't know they had an in-person FWB thing going on when I first became involved emotionally with Jester. From there, things just developed at their own pace. Their relationship ended. My friendship with Boho was put on hold... then eventually we all mended fences and Boho and I developed our own relationship.

In other words, our polyamorous V simply evolved. Nobody "decided" that's what we'd do, or be. We didn't go into it with that aim.

I think such situations are rare, but not unheard of. I've come to realise that people's sexuality is more fluid than we may think... and the way each of us views love and relationships isn't necessarily set in stone.

I don't want relationships from a dating site. I have a hard time with those because they all seem so insincere. Everyone is there for the same reason, but it seems it would take away the rejection of the situation. Since everyone on the site has already stated they are okay with poly and it's on my profile. I just find it impossible to build genuine conversation/relationships with someone when the intentions are already implied. Does this make sense? Anyone have any numbers or statistics on meeting poly people naturally? I think I'm being difficult.
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On the one hand it sounds like you may be cutting off your own nose to spite your face... and YET I think I understand you.

In fact, not only have I never used a dating site and find that whole scenario anathema to the way I conduct my life... I've never really "dated" in the traditional sense. As I explained in another thread on this topic, if I don't already know a person quite well and "click" with them as a friend, first... and/or we don't just look at each other one day and feel that "spark" and KNOW we'd work in a serious relationship... then historically speaking, I won't even agree to a "date".

I have no interest in trying out multiple potential partners on a casual basis. I'd rather be alone for large stretches of time while I wait for someone I KNOW is right for me.

Having said that, I acknowledge that this method is what suits ME. It's not feasible for every person to just wait for that special person or people to show up.
 
I met Butch online. Murf I stumbled across in real life.
 
Hubby and I met in high school. Boy and I met at a poly Meetup. I've recently started dating a woman I met on tinder, although I'm not sure that it will lead to a long term relationship it had gone further than one or two dates which is where I usually cut things off. Lol

None feel insincere. Modem dating is hard. Polyamorous dating is hard. No matter what, it takes time and the patience to weed through a lot of bullshit.
 
Hi Polyglamorous,

I tried OKCupid about ten years ago. Did not have any real luck. I have "had luck" with two women (so far) in my lifetime. I met both in real life. Through church connections, ironically. Just as friends at first. And neither woman was poly, at least not at first. I think it is hard to find someone who is poly. We live in a very monogamous world.

I hope your luck gets better soon. The way it is now it sounds frustrating. I know I would be frustrated if I were you.

Hang in there,
Regards,
Kevin T.
 
I met Hubby online. We were monogamous for the first few years.

Since the marriage opened and I then began doing poly, I've met all of my partners online. I'm not great at meeting people in person.

Hubby and three of my other four partners, I met on a site that is intended for hookups and swingers, not for actual relationships. Obviously relationships happen from that site despite the stated intention.
 
For me personally it's insincere because when you go to a dating site you are looking for someone. You're like shopping for people. To me it seems fake. I want to be friends and like lunabunny says, realize that it could work.
 
Well, the odds ARE unlikely. Highly.

Let's try to be realistic here. Very few people are nonmonogamous in any real sense. Far fewer are anything close to actually poly. And it seems that most polyfolk are actually pretty satisfied with where they're presently at.

Polyglamorous said:
You're like shopping for people.
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Um... yah, exactly. How exactly is someone supposed to "shop for people"? Isn't that reducing unique individuals to status as a marketable commodity?
 
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