I'm a hypocrite, and I don't know what to do

I'm very sorry you people are going through rough times :(

If you want to continue seeking input from the forum, I'm sure you're welcome. A lot of us are or have been in messy troubled places. However for myself, I find it confusing to speak in the middle of a conflict of interest. Thus I second the request that was raised earlier to divide this thread into two. Alternatively starting each a new thread or a blog could also bring some more clarity.
 
I thought Samantha and Marie no longer had a sexual relationship and you were the hinge. In that case Marie owes Samantha nothing. It is your job to inform her of your sexual status. The details aren't important. Once Samantha was informed, she could make a decision whether or not to have unprotected sex with you.

I agree that Marie shouldn't have kept stuff from you. Once she determined that you couldn't handle it, she should have left if she wanted to continue.

I hope that once the blame game ends all three of you have learned something and grow from your miatakes.
 
Hi again.

MikeT may or may not be an alcoholic. However, he has certainly learned how to use "overindulgence" as a way to both dodge responsibility AND gain sympathy -- "oh, the poor man, he's just helpless due to his addiction!!" :rolleyes: which clearly works: a half-dozen people here have been one-upping each other on that response.

Upon rereading, I developed some sympathy for the guy: his life is stuck. He wants to have things HIS way but has lost touch with what "his way" IS. The fact remains that he is a drama queen: rather than being an Adult, & adapting through use of both his brains & his emotions, he's hiding behind one ill-chosen script after another, & has even begun repeating them.

Sam is an enabler, steering Mike's games in hope of gaining benefits for herself, probably "lifelong" "monogamy." She feels that once Marie is out of the picture, all Mike's problems will vanish in the healing light of her True Love.

Marie is an enabler, but beginning to question the entire game. Still, the habits continue, like playing tug-of-war with this thread.

We covered all this six weeks ago.

Everyone who didn't see this coming, please raise a hand. :(
 
Ravenscroft said it all and accurately. I predict more drama to erupt shortly, whether you tell us about it or not. No progress will be made here while you're drinking, so don't fool yourself that any therapist or forum will make a significant difference for you. It's not about checking off boxes on a test of whether you're an alcoholic ("I don't wake up and drink in the morning," etc.) it's about all of you living trapped in the emotional cycle of active addiction and codependence. Alcohol (or drugs or whatever) doesn't even need to be present in order for the emotionally destructive cycles to continue. (Google "What is a dry drunk?") This is a classic alcoholic-enabler (both codependent) relationship with poly tossed in for spice. I repeat that poly is just a smokescreen here and adds so much drama to the mix. Sorry (not sorry) to be blunt, but you're not a classy alcoholic, Mike, you're an alcoholic, complete with an equally emotionally messy wife and an equally emotionally messy mistress that just happens to be visible.
 
miket said:
Bottom line, it's all a big f****** mess
Click to expand...

I'm sorry it is all a big mess and stressful.

It sounds like all of you are going through changes/issues. It may mean you are all growing apart or in different directions and may have different interests/ideas for how you each want your relationships to be like. As well has personal things to work on.

Bending yourselves into pretzels just to keep the trio together might not actually be the best thing to be doing if what is needed is to part. Whether permanently or for a time.

At this time, it sounds like you (miket) and wife (Funslut) have decided to get a divorce on that side of the V. I hope it goes as smoothly as possible and you both can move forward in a better way.

Whether or not you continue with your GF on the other side of the V is another issue.

I hope things get sorted out for all of you.

Galagirl
 
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