I'm confused, please help!

[aclarke]

Hey all,

I am new to this site and am seeking some advice, or anything really, to help me in my situation. I'm not even sure if you can really call it polyamory or not. But here goes.

I have been with my partner for nearly a year. When I met him I fell completely in love with him. We dreamed beautiful dreams together and began creating these dreams in reality.

From the very beginning, even before we got together, I told him how I believe that in life you should be able to do anything you want to do, to feel like you have experienced everything you wanted to, and that when you get into your older years, you can look back on your youth and not regret not experiencing something you really wanted for the sake of someone or something else.

It has taken the better part of the year we have been together for him to understand that. He thinks/thought you should be totally free within a relationship, except physically.

I have always felt the need to be free and express my love for people however I feel I should in that moment, and if that means grounding that love with a sexual experience, then you should do it.

Another beautiful man came into my life. I knew I wanted to experience with him everything I felt for him. It has been a long and complicated couple of weeks. I have fallen in love with him also.

My partner doesn't believe you can be in love with two people at the same time. However, I know I can. I was never expecting to fall for another. I only wanted to explore what my soul felt like it should with him.

I love them both so much. I don't know what to do now. I feel if I don't make a choice today, my partner will make the choice for me, and then I will lose them both. I wish I could just be with them both, but they don't think like me. No-one I know personally thinks or feels like I do either.

I'm so confused. Did any of that even make sense?

Please help.

 

[NIMchimpsky]

from the very beginning, even before we got together, i told him that i believe that in life you should be able to do anything that you want to do.. to feel like you have experienced everything you have wanted to and that when you get into your older years, that you look back on your youth and not regret not experiencing something you really wanted for the sake of someone or something else.

I think that's a beautiful philosophy to live by.

i have always felt the need to be free and express my love for people however i feel i should in that moment and if that means grounding that love with a sexual experience then you should do it.

another beautiful man came into my life and i knew i wanted to experience with him everything i felt for him.. it has been a long and complicated couple of weeks. i have fallen in love with him also.

This to me sounds like polyamory.

my partner doesnt believe you can be in love with two people at the same time. however i know you that you can.. i was never expecting to fall for another.. i only wanted to explore what my soul feels like it should with him.

If I were you I would explain to him that some people's hearts are monogamous and other people's hearts are polyamorous. For some people, I'm guessing him included, it's only possible to fall in love with one person at a time. For other people, like you and me, it's possible to fall in love with more than one person.

but now i love them both so much i dont know what to do. i feel if i dont make a choice today, my partner will make the choice for me and then i will lose them both. i wish i could just be with them both, but they dont think like me and no-one i know personally thinks or feels like i do either..

im so confused.. did any of that even make any sense?
please help.

If I were you I would try to explain polyamory to them. This is the analogy I use. Many monogamous people see love as sort of a pie. If you date more than one person, then you're cutting the pie in two halves. The more people you date, the less love you give to each person, the thinner out you spread your love. But for polyamorous people, we can fall in love 100% with several people. For us, there is no pie. We feel love as something that is infinite, so we can fall in love just as deeply with more than one person, without feeling like we're cutting up a pie into pieces.

Hope I could be of some help.

nim

 

[MonoVCPHG]

This is not anything new here! There are lots of great people with good advice and I'm sure you will find some help.

Read as much as you on the threads and see if things apply. You're not alone

I have no advice sadly..I don't get it either LOL!

Wlecome to the forums and take care
Mono

 

[Quath]

I agree with NIMchimpsky. Introduce them to polyamory and let them discover how other people see this. It may help to point them to a poly FAQ like http://www.faqs.org/faqs/polyamory/faq/ or one of the many others.

Try to get them to give some time to understanding before they make a big decision on it.

I wish you well.