AKinDC
New member
Evening everyone:
I’m feeling my way through a fairly new life. In November I was casually dating fairly traditional men, assuming I would become monogamous at some point. In December I started investigating kink after I met a man in that world, who also identifies as poly. Today I’m still dating him, becoming increasingly active in the kink community, and not sure how to proceed on the relationship structure topic.
I’ve been primarily monogamous in my life. Ethics are a bedrock for me. I know that I eventually want to have a life partner, someone who is a primary partner. We may not have to live together. We may not have to be monogamous. I may be open to an open relationship. I can’t imagine letting go of kink that’s connected to sex. I don’t really know more, at least not yet.
The poly man I’m dating, with whom I’m developing an identity as a couple in the kink world, has one other dating relationship thst pre-dates me by about 8 months. She also lives much much closer to him, and apparently she sees him about twice as often as I do. She’s poly. I don’t know yet if she’s actively in the kink community, or how much she’s really integrated into his life with fsmily or friends. He says thst he doesn’t think of any hierarchy between relationships, between his other one and his with me.
I don’t have many other dating connections at this point…really just one. I have just been chatting with him; we haven’t met yet. I don’t have much time for such things; I have a very demanding family life.
I find this all challenging. I am extremely drawn to Poly Guy. We communicate well and thoroughly. The astonishing change in my life over the past few months would never have been possible without him….he supports my development of independent friends, supports my friends, supports our developing friendships wirh other couples. He’s clearly extremely down for our relationship…..he talks about future plans, confides in me, says things like “mutual understanding is what we’re about,” keeps becoming more and more involved in my life. I’m clear that Poly Guy is an essential part of the life path I want going forward, at least for now.
But understanding what’s going on, between kink and poly and my own desire for something different than the structure he already has in place in his life, is so much to work through.
Obviously we need to keep talking. I’m not sure what else to do to keep moving forward, both wirh him and wirh my life. I feel like I’m violating some poly principle by even quietly desiring that his other relationship disappear, or that things shift and I start getting more of her time wirh him. But I definitely do.
Affirm for me that this is complicated? My head is just spinning.
I’m feeling my way through a fairly new life. In November I was casually dating fairly traditional men, assuming I would become monogamous at some point. In December I started investigating kink after I met a man in that world, who also identifies as poly. Today I’m still dating him, becoming increasingly active in the kink community, and not sure how to proceed on the relationship structure topic.
I’ve been primarily monogamous in my life. Ethics are a bedrock for me. I know that I eventually want to have a life partner, someone who is a primary partner. We may not have to live together. We may not have to be monogamous. I may be open to an open relationship. I can’t imagine letting go of kink that’s connected to sex. I don’t really know more, at least not yet.
The poly man I’m dating, with whom I’m developing an identity as a couple in the kink world, has one other dating relationship thst pre-dates me by about 8 months. She also lives much much closer to him, and apparently she sees him about twice as often as I do. She’s poly. I don’t know yet if she’s actively in the kink community, or how much she’s really integrated into his life with fsmily or friends. He says thst he doesn’t think of any hierarchy between relationships, between his other one and his with me.
I don’t have many other dating connections at this point…really just one. I have just been chatting with him; we haven’t met yet. I don’t have much time for such things; I have a very demanding family life.
I find this all challenging. I am extremely drawn to Poly Guy. We communicate well and thoroughly. The astonishing change in my life over the past few months would never have been possible without him….he supports my development of independent friends, supports my friends, supports our developing friendships wirh other couples. He’s clearly extremely down for our relationship…..he talks about future plans, confides in me, says things like “mutual understanding is what we’re about,” keeps becoming more and more involved in my life. I’m clear that Poly Guy is an essential part of the life path I want going forward, at least for now.
But understanding what’s going on, between kink and poly and my own desire for something different than the structure he already has in place in his life, is so much to work through.
Obviously we need to keep talking. I’m not sure what else to do to keep moving forward, both wirh him and wirh my life. I feel like I’m violating some poly principle by even quietly desiring that his other relationship disappear, or that things shift and I start getting more of her time wirh him. But I definitely do.
Affirm for me that this is complicated? My head is just spinning.