In an open marriage, wishing it was Poly

I

IndianGoddess

New member
I asked my husband if we could have an open marriage about 6 months ago, after we had a huge fight - he hadn't touched me sexually for 3 years and said I was boring and it was my fault - he actually had ED and didn't want to confront it. To be fair, I had become boring because there I felt was no incentive to be exciting to him (he used to smoke and I was allergic to the smell, and he would come to bed just after smoking) - it became a vicious cycle and an explosive situation which finally erupted last November

After kissing a few frogs, I finally found the guy I've been with for the last 4 months. We have huge chemistry, and we meet every week if possible and try to spend the entire day together. I've recently realized that I love him, but I also love my husband very deeply and leaving him is not an option. My lover is also deeply into me

the thing is, I don't dare tell my husband about my feelings for this guy - he will not be able to take it, I know that for sure. He's a recovering alcoholic and this could push him back into drinking. He is also very insecure, so I have to keep my feelings about my lover to myself. It tears me apart sometimes as I love both of them and I feel guilty about hiding it from my husband. I hope there will come a time when he is in a state to understand, but that time is not now

So that's my story. The last 6 months have been a rollercoaster of emotions for both my husband and me. My husband feels very threatened by my blossoming sexual awareness as he can see other guys noticing it too - no matter how much I convince him that I love him and will never leave him. It also excites him, which is very confusing to both of us

Sorry for rambling :)
 
Hello IndianGoddess,
Welcome to our forum.

My first thought after reading your story is, you should ask your husband to quit smoking. It seems like it would solve a whole range of problems if he did.

I hope this site will prove helpful to you. There are a lot of threads to read, and you can post any questions or concerns.

Glad to have you aboard,
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Thank you for your kind welcome, Kevin

He did stop smoking a couple of years ago, when he was diagnosed with kidney cancer. He hasn't smoked since and the cancer is under control. But he has been drinking very heavily until recently, which has caused a whole set of other problems
 
Yes, drinking can bring its own set of problems, especially if it is obsessive and has a negative effect on his personality.

Any way, we can help, we are willing to.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
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