As has happened before I find myself feeling insecure about Surfer. He & Pixie are swingers as I've mentioned in previous posts. Cowboy & I are not. Over the past several months the relationships between the four of us have changed. We've seen each other at our best & worst and been together in tough times.
Cowboy has struggled with my relationship with Surfer. He felt ok when it was just a good time but didn't take my explanation of loving them both well. He's been attempting to handle his feelings on his own & sometimes that works but other times he feels overwhelmed. I've assured him of my commitment to our relationship & have advised him that I want him to share his feelings & process with me but I'm not a counselor. I've suggested that perhaps we should seek a poly specialist.
As things are becoming normal (back to work & family out of crisis mode) I find I fear the lifestyle which I feel is inherent in Surfer. He reassures me that he loves me & only Pixie & I have parts of his heart. Sex is a fun physical act for him not requiring attachment. Once upon a time I was also that way but apparently I'm not anymore lol Perhaps I should also seek a separate poly therapist.
Cowboy feels that he is monogamous to me & is no longer seeking relationships which could fulfill his previous desires for kink. That's a role we discovered early in our relationship that I cannot fill. He was interacting with the local kink community but has stepped away from it as he says he no longer has those desires.
All in all I can't say things are bad. Cowboy & I are in a great place we haven't been in for years. Surfer & I are in a loving (if not committed sexually) relationship. Pixie & I are close friends. There are some rough spots in Pixie & Cowboy's relationship but they are still platonic friends. Surfer & I stay out of that lol
I think some of the issues between Cowboy & Pixie stem from their similar communication styles. They tend to put off discussing things wheras Surfer & I get it out on the table & figure it out. This is an asset as far as our relationship & the direct relationship with our spouses where we can encourage communication but not working so well between Cowboy & Pixie. Perhaps they will sort things out once Surfer & I have a chance to get away together again.
I guess this is just a vent for me tonight. A place where I can express how I feel to sympathetic people. I've communicated to the others about my feelings & needs & they are accommodating me where possible.
Cowboy has struggled with my relationship with Surfer. He felt ok when it was just a good time but didn't take my explanation of loving them both well. He's been attempting to handle his feelings on his own & sometimes that works but other times he feels overwhelmed. I've assured him of my commitment to our relationship & have advised him that I want him to share his feelings & process with me but I'm not a counselor. I've suggested that perhaps we should seek a poly specialist.
As things are becoming normal (back to work & family out of crisis mode) I find I fear the lifestyle which I feel is inherent in Surfer. He reassures me that he loves me & only Pixie & I have parts of his heart. Sex is a fun physical act for him not requiring attachment. Once upon a time I was also that way but apparently I'm not anymore lol Perhaps I should also seek a separate poly therapist.
Cowboy feels that he is monogamous to me & is no longer seeking relationships which could fulfill his previous desires for kink. That's a role we discovered early in our relationship that I cannot fill. He was interacting with the local kink community but has stepped away from it as he says he no longer has those desires.
All in all I can't say things are bad. Cowboy & I are in a great place we haven't been in for years. Surfer & I are in a loving (if not committed sexually) relationship. Pixie & I are close friends. There are some rough spots in Pixie & Cowboy's relationship but they are still platonic friends. Surfer & I stay out of that lol
I think some of the issues between Cowboy & Pixie stem from their similar communication styles. They tend to put off discussing things wheras Surfer & I get it out on the table & figure it out. This is an asset as far as our relationship & the direct relationship with our spouses where we can encourage communication but not working so well between Cowboy & Pixie. Perhaps they will sort things out once Surfer & I have a chance to get away together again.
I guess this is just a vent for me tonight. A place where I can express how I feel to sympathetic people. I've communicated to the others about my feelings & needs & they are accommodating me where possible.
