Insecurity of my husband about my thoughts

R

rainfairy

New member
hi all

my husband and I are just starting a new period of our relationship. we are married since 7 years and he has caused by illness no contact to his sensual feelings, since more than 7 years. he is working on it.

because I suffer we agreed that I am allowed to have sexual encounters with other men. but I soon found out that pure sex is not what I am looking for. I am probably more the polyamorous type.

my husband feels ok with this, but he wants me to have that relationship discretely, he doesn't want to know when I meet my lover. I can handle this. I am in the position to have a lot of time on my own.

but he feels very insecure about some points. he says:
how can I know if you spend time with me that you are not with him inside your head?
how can I know if I want to have sex with you that you still want me?
if I don't want to know how can I ask you again about how your day was?

I can understand this.
do you have any ideas and any help for us to handle this?
any idea what could help him/us with this?
 
Last edited by a moderator:
oh no! it is Insecurity and not Unsecurity. embarrassing. :( english is not my mother tongue.
could someone change this?
 
Look at the bottom of each post and you'll see the edit button. Your English isn't perfect, but any good English speaker would understand what you mean. That's more important.
 
how can I know if you spend time with me that you are not with him inside your head?
Click to expand...

Trust you. And you can ask him what he needs from you to be reassured.

how can I know if I want to have sex with you that you still want me?
Click to expand...

He can ask if you want to share sex. And if you want to, you will.
Or you can ask him if he wants to share sex. And if he wants to, he will.

Keep it simple.
if I don't want to know how can I ask you again about how your day was?
Click to expand...

He can ask you about your day. And you can tell him the parts that do not involve your lover. You can ask him what he needs from you to be reassured.

Could these help?

http://www.practicalpolyamory.com/images/Jealousy_Updated_10-6-10.pdf
http://www.cat-and-dragon.com/stef/poly/Labriola/jealousy.html

Galagirl
 
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