Hey there,
My husband and I have been ENM for three years, this has consisted of threesomes; both MMF & FFM. The last year or so I have been dating women separately but they have all been extremely casual. In August, I took some acid alone and had a very honest trip, I knew that I had to tell Dillon that I wanted to fully open our relationship, regardless of gender and wanted to be able to explore more in depth relationships.
Looking back I realize I have been interested in the poly lifestyle since high-school but being born and raised in OK was only exposed to the heteronormative monogamous type of relationship. I identified as bisexual for most of my life but have recently been researching/discussing with my therapist and feel I fit in more of a pan-Demi sexual spectrum (recognizing that these are both different sexualities).
When I approached my husband with this request, he was extremely distraught and instantly had a panic attack. The idea of me in a relationship with another male-identifying human scares the shit out of him. It’s funny to me bc I’ve been dating women for a while and he’s never had this reaction. I went on my first solo date with a man last Sunday and upon my return he was very upset and angry. Although we had discussed previously to the date what was “allowed and not allowed” with a very broad contract, he felt I had overstepped the agreement. We’ve been in couples therapy since August and I have BEGGED him to do research about the lifestyle. I have done lots individual reading and discussion about the subject and feel comfortable using terminology and feel that I am a clear and affective communicator (disclaimer that I am human and make mistakes constantly). We came to a decent compromise that evening but I felt disheartened. My close friends and sisters (and maybe my individual therapist) think that Dillon is monogamous and is only “trying” this for me. I have expressed to him that our relationship will fail regardless if he tries being open bc at the end of the day if he does not identify with being poly, he will not like what is going on within our marriage.
I have been told some relationships are open on one side and closed in another and am wondering if it works? I am a patient person but I also don’t like to waste time and energy, this relationship is so incredibly valuable to me and I very much want it to work but am also being aware that life has its own way of working out the kinks and am trying to be open to where it takes me. I am on a journey of self discovery and trying to obtain my true authenticity as I have always lived for others, being a people pleaser.
Any shared stories or experiences are welcomed.
My husband and I have been ENM for three years, this has consisted of threesomes; both MMF & FFM. The last year or so I have been dating women separately but they have all been extremely casual. In August, I took some acid alone and had a very honest trip, I knew that I had to tell Dillon that I wanted to fully open our relationship, regardless of gender and wanted to be able to explore more in depth relationships.
Looking back I realize I have been interested in the poly lifestyle since high-school but being born and raised in OK was only exposed to the heteronormative monogamous type of relationship. I identified as bisexual for most of my life but have recently been researching/discussing with my therapist and feel I fit in more of a pan-Demi sexual spectrum (recognizing that these are both different sexualities).
When I approached my husband with this request, he was extremely distraught and instantly had a panic attack. The idea of me in a relationship with another male-identifying human scares the shit out of him. It’s funny to me bc I’ve been dating women for a while and he’s never had this reaction. I went on my first solo date with a man last Sunday and upon my return he was very upset and angry. Although we had discussed previously to the date what was “allowed and not allowed” with a very broad contract, he felt I had overstepped the agreement. We’ve been in couples therapy since August and I have BEGGED him to do research about the lifestyle. I have done lots individual reading and discussion about the subject and feel comfortable using terminology and feel that I am a clear and affective communicator (disclaimer that I am human and make mistakes constantly). We came to a decent compromise that evening but I felt disheartened. My close friends and sisters (and maybe my individual therapist) think that Dillon is monogamous and is only “trying” this for me. I have expressed to him that our relationship will fail regardless if he tries being open bc at the end of the day if he does not identify with being poly, he will not like what is going on within our marriage.
I have been told some relationships are open on one side and closed in another and am wondering if it works? I am a patient person but I also don’t like to waste time and energy, this relationship is so incredibly valuable to me and I very much want it to work but am also being aware that life has its own way of working out the kinks and am trying to be open to where it takes me. I am on a journey of self discovery and trying to obtain my true authenticity as I have always lived for others, being a people pleaser.
Any shared stories or experiences are welcomed.
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