Intamcy issues

L

lisa6

New member
Hi..I want to get some thoughts and opinions..

In triad headed into our 3 third year with husband and GF..we have group dates and alone dates ..

Anyway last night we are all in bed .. I am in the middle between hubby and Gf.. when I go to touch her she removes my hand more than once and just hold my hand..she than turns her back to me..

It was her idea to go to the bedroom.. she got naked waist down... she did keep her shirt on.. she has mentioned lately that she doesn't like to take her shirt off cause she feels fat ..

Anyone a confusing experience for me..I did get the idea that she felt uncomfortable.. she kept her shirt on etc.. I thought that it probably had to do with her own negative feeling about her body image.

I have mentioned before that she recently got off antidepressants can't afford them.. she has since developed a self hatred of her body...she is a totally different person especially in bed..

I am just trying to naviagate my way through this cause I don't know what to do.

Anyway I did text her last nite to ask her if she was ok and if everything is okay with us.. confusing to have someone suggest we go to the bedroom.. they get half naked and than they keep removing your hand and don't kiss or touch you and than turn their back to you.

She said it was all her.. that she is not comfortable with her fat body.. I kinda though that might be it.. although I still feel a bit rejected.. I often feel a bit insecure myself because she is the only woman I have ever been with..

I mean she has always been so passionate with me and my husband both..totally different from last night where she just laid there..

Any thoughts?
 
It's okay for anyone -- intimacy/body issues or not -- to say no. I wouldn't worry too much about this from your perspective. Maybe she changed her mind -- that happens to me. Sometimes I am feeling fine be then suddenly get anxious. Just keep loving her up and showing her how much you find her desirable. You cannot change her self-image.

Is there any way she can talk with her doctor about trying a different antidepressant? Is she regularly seeing a therapist? Sounds like this is something she needs to work through with a therapist.
 
Hi...

Yes perfectly okay for anyone to say no at anytime.... it was just confusing for me because I was not sure exactly what GF wanted..

She is not on any antidepressants or seeing a therapist at the moment.. all do to financial reasons..

I do feel very bad that she hates her body so much but I realize that even though I think she is beautiful that she has to love herself..

I also think that her issues of body image are directly related to going off the antidepressants..

I am not advocating that medicine fixes all, just an observation ..

I used to feel confident approaching her for intamcy..now I am unsure.. I am not sure how to read the situation sometimes...before it was much more clear to me and easier to navigate.
 
Don’t ruin a new day by thinking about yesterday. Let it go.
 
I know GF said it is all her and nothing to do with me..

But I think there is more to it

I am wondering if she wants an intimate relationship with me still?

She is just such a different person from 2 yrs ago when we started out.. it's confusing for me and I don't really understand.. I have never known anyone on antidepressants.. but her personality is so vastly different off the medication.

Just having difficulty navigating
 
If you are so miserable, every single post you make is about issues,criticism, or complaints, why continue the relationship? Do you enjoy being unhappy?

I think you all need to visit a counselor.
 
Hi ..

I am not misearable.. sometimes very happy.. sometimes not.. depends..I usually post issues cause that is when I feel like I need input and help..
But plenty of good stuff that I don't post because I don't feel the need too.

I don't intend to come off sounding misearable or that my partners make me misearable...

I don't have a lot of experience in relationship.. my husband and GF really are my only 2 relationships and sexual partners that I have ever had.
 
Hi lisa6,

I am thinking that in one of your other threads, you mentioned that your husband had a job lined up for your girlfriend, so that she could work and earn money and be able to afford her antidepressants again. Is this job still available to her? Maybe she could even afford therapy.

In any case, I get the impression that being off of antidepressants is her main problem. :(

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
Hi Kevin

My husband did want to hire for a project. But unfortunately the project didn't take off.. So she continues to struggle without being able to afford her antidepressants or see a therapist.. We just try to support her emotionally the best we can...
 
Can she get a job somewhere else?

In the meantime, I would actually consider buying her meds for her. Since she is in a relationship with you, and the lack of meds is affecting that relationship. It's affecting you personally.
 
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