You will see more replies like tenKs with the same accusations, but probably not as harsh. This site has a decidedly feminist slant to it and most of the women on here abhor the patriarchy our society has built. t's not a surprise, since poly has its roots in feminism. I just sometimes wish they would listen to the men on here with a bit more empathy, and understand why it's a repeating thing for husbands to fear their wife's dating other men, but not women. If so many men have the same reaction, and it's disproportionately displayed on the husband side than the wife side, then maybe it's legit. We are all a product of our society. This fear has been socialized into us not just by men, but by women also, since they make up half of the society. Where there is smoke, there is usually fire. It's like delegitimizing a common fear of women, like date rape or something. The emotion is valid because there is usually a kernel of truth behind it.
Think about how most men behave and are raised.
1. Most men feel lucky, and unworthy that their wife chose them to marry. Most people think of marriage as taking a valuable prize "off the market," that the competition is over, and that person is yours now, and you don't need to worry about them leaving you for bigger better things. Obviously this is not true, but most people feel this way, nonetheless. Perhaps men feel this even more because we have had it instilled in us that the woman is a prize, we are lucky if she chooses us because, let's face it, women are by far the pickier of the two genders when it comes to choosing mates. One look at a dating site will confirm this. We have to do the chasing. It's still very rare for women to make the first move in dating, and god forbid a woman ask a man to marry her. Men are constantly taught that it is upto us to "pursue" the relationship and "win" her heart. It's something women can never understand, especially for men who are introverts. It can be soul crushing. We are forced to wear our heart on our sleeve and risk rejection. Another woman never enters our mind as competition for the same woman. It is always men.
2. When men gather, they tend to try to establish a pecking order. There are always assholes that like to think of themselves as alphas, regardless of the circumstances. They frequently try to establish their "alpha-ness" by basically being bullies.
3. It is often reinforced that when your gf or wife is with another man it's because you didn't satisfy her sexually, and you are perceived as a cuckold. It's probably what you deserve. because you didn't see to her happiness, or your sexual prowess wasn't up to par. Meanwhile, the other man is seen as having game and getting one over on you.
4. Porn and regular TV reinforce the notion that two women having sex is something to cheer and celebrate, not something to fear. Meanwhile, porn also shows big-dicked black guys and delivery men giving the wife the kind of sex she really craves that her "pussy" husband could never give.
Now, after the prize has been "won" via marriage, you start to feel safe. Remember it's until death do us part. You don't need to worry about competition, right? Another man interested in being with our wife feels like the competition starting up all over again. It feels like winning a race and on the way back home with your trophy, being challenged to another race because they want your trophy. I know this objectifies the wife, but this is truly how it feels from a man's perspective. What are his intentions? Doesn't he know I won this trophy fair and square? Is he here to embarrass me? Emasculate me? Establish dominance? This doesn't feel fair within the unspoken rules of what it means to be a man in our society.
Women have never been on our radar as competition, only men. That may change as bisexuality becomes more accepted, although women who want to be with other women for the rest of their lives tend to be lesbians. Most bisexuals tend to not discover it until later in life. Most women know that their husbands are probably okay with them kissing and flirting with other women. Many times bisexual women will choose to settle down with a man because it is the easier path through life and to get children, even knowing about their bisexuality. This may change now too, with gay marriage being legalized and bioscience getting closer to being able to create kids from same-sexed people.
So there are many legitimate fears, but also irrational fears, if you can learn to break free of the role and script society has handed to us as males.
