Interesting waters

Thanks. I am sure they are far fetched ideals but I am trying to educate myself the best I can and not actively seeking any sort of "lover" per se. Knowledge... I am far from knowing what I need to know in this lifestyle and ideals are just that-- i know how to make ONE relationship work but this is a whole new level of this. And then comes the outside views of such things which is why it seems much easier to find someone already knowledgeable vs the things just happened route and get burned which has already happened :-/ Thanks for all the help with the movies and books. I am already working on those lists!!! The kindness means a lot.
 
No problem, glad to help.
 
alisvolatpropriis said:
Thanks. I am sure they are far fetched ideals but I am trying to educate myself the best I can and not actively seeking any sort of "lover" per se. Knowledge... I am far from knowing what I need to know in this lifestyle and ideals are just that-- i know how to make ONE relationship work but this is a whole new level of this. And then comes the outside views of such things which is why it seems much easier to find someone already knowledgeable vs the things just happened route and get burned which has already happened :-/ Thanks for all the help with the movies and books. I am already working on those lists!!! The kindness means a lot.
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At least we have the us part figured out and we are much more open now. I'm glad we started this journey no matter if you have a secondary or not we have had the "talk" and know our boundaries.
 
kdt26417 said:
Re:


Exactly how I feel. (I'm in an MFM V -- each guy has just the lady, but the lady has both guys. Some would say that sounds unfair ... but it works for us.)
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I'm glad to see someone post this. I'm new here and navigating these waters. We have a FMF and my DH is more connected with our GF than me. I also have no interest in taking another partner. However, it makes me happy to see my DH happy and sometimes I participate with her which is fun. Reading through some of these posts makes me think maybe we are outliers in the fact that our relationship is more open on my husband's side, but it works for us and I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. Maybe that will change, but for now I'm content.
 
NovemberRain77 said:
I'm glad to see someone post this. I'm new here and navigating these waters. We have a FMF and my DH is more connected with our GF than me. I also have no interest in taking another partner. However, it makes me happy to see my DH happy and sometimes I participate with her which is fun. Reading through some of these posts makes me think maybe we are outliers in the fact that our relationship is more open on my husband's side, but it works for us and I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. Maybe that will change, but for now I'm content.
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No lie we're still confused as hell and uncertain from day to day. We still have each other but don't always know where to go from there. Totally different talking about what we want than actually doing it or getting it. LR told her you have to kiss plenty of frogs and I think Alis (my wifes profile) is starting to realize this. We have no clue how life will go but we can only control ourselves and go from that.
 
Well, as NovemberRain77 indicated, it's all about what works for you. Following some special standard formula is not required. You just need to find out what gets your needs met (the two of you -- or three of you if Alis can find the right additional person for her).
 
As usual, late to the party in regards to updates and posts buuuuuut, karma has a funny way of working? Im not sure... ask me in a month or two ;) I started an okcupid account and after 500000000 horrible messages :rolleyes: I got one asking if I was poly/open relationship/separated (based on what I wrote on my profile). I was surprised they picked up that much information and knew what poly even was. I have still been struggling with this whole thing, myself. I KNOW I am poly but its life changing for me. Mono for so long blah blah. I dont want to live without being open, either. Anddddd the kid part and not knowing a good response with knowledge on that (still reading on all parts). Im not one of those "oh, I fell in love (to each their own)" but its nice to have common ground and i am also learning things. The realization of finally grasping that you CAN feel whole doing this is... im not sure there is a word to describe that. No, its not some idealistic version of life but time will tell. In the meantime, I am back to trying to at least learn what I can to better things and myself. I have since taken my profile down because I got really tired of the ummmm... assumptions of me going to go have sex with 500000000 people. Oh how I love the views of society. So, that is the current update and hopefully a friendship at the end of the day if not successful in integrating more which has not been an issue so far *knock on wood*.
 
Thanks for the update. I know women on OKCupid often get flooded with messages from "quick lay guys," so I don't blame you for taking your profile down there.

What are the chances you could find a local poly group in your area? Sometimes that's a more satisfying way to meet poly people (without the "sexy times pedal to the metal"). If you're interested in that, I can supply some links and ideas on how to find such a group.

And of course, keep reading and participating in this forum. That will always help; you'll get new ideas as time goes by, and make some online friends as well.
 
kdt26417 said:
What are the chances you could find a local poly group in your area? Sometimes that's a more satisfying way to meet poly people (without the "sexy times pedal to the metal"). If you're interested in that, I can supply some links and ideas on how to find such a guy
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I have looked into a few sites but no luck. Any other info would at least be worth looking into for friends if nothing else.
 
Well, try a few of these:

You can even google "polyamory" with the name of your State or nearest major city, and sometimes a group or two will pop up.

The next thing to consider is whether you want to look for other poly people one person at a time -- in other words, through poly-friendly dating sites. Here again I have some links for you if you're interested. It all depends on what you're comfortable trying; there's a few poly-friendly dating sites besides OKCupid.
 
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