I have seen some posts on here from people who wonder if all the work involved in a poly relationship is worth it. Should they keep pushing forward to process through all the yucky things they are feeling at any given moment. Should they give up. Should they go back to being mono or ask their partner to be mono. I can't say if it is worth it for them but I can tell you that for me it has been so worth it.
When Sweet Lady had her legs across me, her arm around me then reached up to touch my face last night and said "I love you" in the sweetest voice ever, my heart melted all over again. All the fears and yucky feelings I went through in order to get here seemed a million miles away in some far off land that I lost the map to long ago.
Don't get me wrong it has been a ton of work! It continues to be a work in progress every day. We face all of the every day issues of life that people face. All 3 of us have days when a case of grumpy-itis hits or work went bad or Bud's in more pain than usual and isn't really connected or kids have things going on. But we are becoming a strong team united by a shared love and the passion to want the best out of life for each other.
So if anyone reading this is wondering something like should they let their wife/gf/husband/bf go out on that date that is making them feel nauseous with jealousy, my answer would be yes. Let them go. Sit with those feelings while they're gone. Let yourself feel them. Then figure out why you really feel them so you can get rid of them. Meditate on it. Envision those feelings as a big ball of negative energy that you are sending away.
If you are the one getting ready to go on that date and your partner is feeling horrible about it, gently talk to them, reassure them, let them know you love them then GO. One of the best things my partners did for me in those early days was to push me to move forward. I asked them both even if I was feeling uncomfortable they needed to keep their plans, continue what they were doing so I could deal with my feelings. I knew if they stopped I would get stuck in a bad place I didn't want to be in.
Keep moving forward. The lessons you will learn are worth it.
When Sweet Lady had her legs across me, her arm around me then reached up to touch my face last night and said "I love you" in the sweetest voice ever, my heart melted all over again. All the fears and yucky feelings I went through in order to get here seemed a million miles away in some far off land that I lost the map to long ago.
Don't get me wrong it has been a ton of work! It continues to be a work in progress every day. We face all of the every day issues of life that people face. All 3 of us have days when a case of grumpy-itis hits or work went bad or Bud's in more pain than usual and isn't really connected or kids have things going on. But we are becoming a strong team united by a shared love and the passion to want the best out of life for each other.
So if anyone reading this is wondering something like should they let their wife/gf/husband/bf go out on that date that is making them feel nauseous with jealousy, my answer would be yes. Let them go. Sit with those feelings while they're gone. Let yourself feel them. Then figure out why you really feel them so you can get rid of them. Meditate on it. Envision those feelings as a big ball of negative energy that you are sending away.
If you are the one getting ready to go on that date and your partner is feeling horrible about it, gently talk to them, reassure them, let them know you love them then GO. One of the best things my partners did for me in those early days was to push me to move forward. I asked them both even if I was feeling uncomfortable they needed to keep their plans, continue what they were doing so I could deal with my feelings. I knew if they stopped I would get stuck in a bad place I didn't want to be in.
Keep moving forward. The lessons you will learn are worth it.
