I tried doing a search on this forum to find threads discussing this topic but found surprisingly little. I suppose I also want advice on a specific situation between two of my friends.
One is polyamorous and is very extreme about it. I get the sense that most poly people accept that many people are monogamous and are ok with this. My friend thinks that EVERYONE should be "poly" and that it is unnatural for humans to be monogamous. He thinks this is part of what is wrong with society.
My other friend is in a loveless marriage and has been starved for sex and intimacy for years. She is relatively trapped by circumstances and doesn't really have the option to find a good outlet.
The issue is that even though she has no love for her husband left (they are talking divorce) she is very monogamous by nature (she did explore poly a bit before being married and knows it is not for her). Via the relationship to my other friend, she has been very hurt by his sleeping with other women. He often sees other women and doesn't tell her about them right away but slips up later.
I'm asking this because I often have to field her breakdowns over his actions. He knows he is hurting her as she tells him (and me) all of the time.
Is this how this is supposed to work? He is adamant that he is acting out of "pure love" and that hurt leads to growth. I think that he is hurting her because he is blinded by how much he wants her and is not thinking of her emotional safety. This has been going on for half a year. She breaks up with him every two weeks. I can't tell you how often I have taken calls where she is crying over some new hiccup in the relationship.
What do you think? Is this how this is supposed to be?
One is polyamorous and is very extreme about it. I get the sense that most poly people accept that many people are monogamous and are ok with this. My friend thinks that EVERYONE should be "poly" and that it is unnatural for humans to be monogamous. He thinks this is part of what is wrong with society.
My other friend is in a loveless marriage and has been starved for sex and intimacy for years. She is relatively trapped by circumstances and doesn't really have the option to find a good outlet.
The issue is that even though she has no love for her husband left (they are talking divorce) she is very monogamous by nature (she did explore poly a bit before being married and knows it is not for her). Via the relationship to my other friend, she has been very hurt by his sleeping with other women. He often sees other women and doesn't tell her about them right away but slips up later.
I'm asking this because I often have to field her breakdowns over his actions. He knows he is hurting her as she tells him (and me) all of the time.
Is this how this is supposed to work? He is adamant that he is acting out of "pure love" and that hurt leads to growth. I think that he is hurting her because he is blinded by how much he wants her and is not thinking of her emotional safety. This has been going on for half a year. She breaks up with him every two weeks. I can't tell you how often I have taken calls where she is crying over some new hiccup in the relationship.
What do you think? Is this how this is supposed to be?