Going back to some things you mentioned upthread:
You say you'd feel guilty going out on a date while your wife was "stuck home with the kids." That she doesn't have any/many interests outside the home, and doesn't want to date.
However, later you mentioned that her mom was coming over to take her to "some craft thing."
So, your wife likes to do crafts. I assume she does these at home. Goes to some classes though, or a knit 'n' bitch, or whatever? Well, how about hiring a babysitter for her for when you go to meet new girl, instead of just leaving her home doing childcare? Your kids are very young and I know how demanding kids that age are. Hire a sitter, and your wife can choose to have free time for crafting, or go out with her mom, or hell, just have a nice bubblebath and read a book or surf online or whatever, without being interrupted by the kids.
A slight misunderstanding: It was my mom that was crafting with her, not her own. Her mom lives a couple of hours away and can't be bothered to come visit us. But that's a story for another day.
My wife loves crafting, but she does it all from home. I've tried to convince her to go out and craft, but she won't. She's very much an introvert and is reluctant to try new things like that. She also doesn't like hiring babysitters just to have a stay-at-home day. She would much rather have the kids home with her. She feels guilty whenever we have anyone watch the kids.
All great suggestions, and believe me, I've tried. Oh well.
I am concerned that you say you have NRE for someone you have never met face to face, and who you have known online for only a week.
I think I mentioned elsewhere in here. Most of my relationships have started out online. In fact, out of all of the long term relationships I've had, only one of them started because I met the girl in person. Her and I still communicated via the internet for some time before we started dating.
I think it would be very wise to calm the heck down and remind yourself that you don't know this person. She is a source of interesting conversation (I hope) at this point, that is all. There are thousands of women out there who could give you the exact same thing. You don't know if you two have mutual chemistry, you don't know anything about her character or ethics or sanity. You only know what she has told you. That couldn't be very much after one week of conversation, and all of it could be lies.
All of that could be equally true of someone I met in person, but I understand your point. And I realize I don't know her yet, but I still get infatuated easily. Her and I have a lot of similar tastes and interests and that helps cloud my judgment. Like I said in my last post, I'm handling it much better this time around. It's been the previous relationships that I've had issues with. Also, and this topic may have come up on these forums before but even if it hasn't, some people (such as myself) believe that NRE pertains to more than just romantic relationships. I believe you can get NRE from a new hobby or new pet. Having something different in your life is invigorating, no matter what the cause. So, when I say I experience NRE, it's not like I'm in love with this girl. I'm definitely not that.
She is also mono. It is highly likely that in the event that you two do date, hit it off, and develop feelings for each other, she will be unhappy that you have another partner in your wife. She may even try to get you to leave your wife. Is that a stress that your marriage can handle?
Well, if she tried to get me to leave my wife, that would be the end of that relationship. I'm not going to put up with that kind of crap from anyone. As of right now, she tells me she's very laid back about the whole thing and has been around poly long enough to know how it works even though she's never tried it. Only time will tell if she's lying about that but I have no reason to believe she is.
Do you really want to start a LDR that is probably unsustainable, since she's mono? Even in the unlikely event that you two hit it off and she respects your marriage and your wife is happy with the arrangement, what happens when "cupcake" meets a mono guy who can offer her a full-time relationship, maybe even marriage?
I would imagine in that scenario, she would leave me. I told her that was a concern of mine and she understands. I'm not going to stand in her way. I'm not greedy. I know I can't give her marriage. But not everything is about end-game. Do I want to start an LDR? Well, I'll answer that below.
Surely there are some poly women in your area who won't present these challenges?
If there were, I wouldn't be looking at people so far away. I know every poly person within an hour's drive of me. I live right in the middle of Illinois where there are no large liberal towns. It's all conservatives for as far as the eye can see. Those who are poly are either not my type, not even close to my age (I don't mind age variance but 30+ years difference is a little extreme), or already full-up on relationships and have no interest in taking in others. Those that are my type don't see me as
their type, so that's an issue as well.
When you have less than a dozen people who are even interested in polyamory, you have to start getting a little creative.
So, do I want an LDR? No. I want to be happy and share my life with more than one person. I want to stop living as someone I'm not. And if I want to do that, Chicago is really the closest place for me to find someone who's compatible. It sucks, but it's the best I got.
