Joined a dating site, questions about replying...

B

Blissismydivision

New member
Someone over here recommended BeyondTwo so I went and signed up. Seems nice, a few folks over there.

Here's my question. I v been on OkCupid for like 3 years and get so many messages from people who have clearly, obviously NOT read my profile and I just delete them because you just can't write so many people back and say " you obviously didn't read my profile so why are you messaging me?"... But on the poly site with a smaller community and people who are open about their lifestyle and really looking to connect, is it better manners to respond to every message, even if they too, have clearly not read or grokked your profile?

I am getting friend requests from people and is it customary to friend everyone who asks (I most definitely do not on FB)? I really want to meet people I have things in common with but I am getting messages and friend requests from people I can't relate to (other than just the poly) so consequently, I want to delete and move on until I meet people I resonate with but is that just plain rude? I wish to respect the community. Opinions appreciated! Thanx!💚
 
My personal opinion:

Answer the messages you *want* to answer. Most people on dating sites understand that they aren't going to get responses to every message they send. And some just send out one message to everyone they're interested in and hope that they'll at least get a few responses. If they haven't taken the time to read and "grok" your profile, responding to them probably isn't going to serve any purpose.

And sometimes telling someone that they clearly haven't read your profile and so you aren't interested results in them becoming belligerent and even threatening. (Seriously. I got into that with someone on AdultFriendFinder once, who not only wouldn't take no for an answer but threatened to find out where I lived and come after my CHILDREN.)

Also, friend the people you want to be friends with. Again, it's somewhat expected that not everyone is going to accept a friend request.

It isn't a matter of manners as much as it's a matter of protecting yourself and making yourself comfortable. These are strangers on the internet. *Their* opinions don't matter nearly as much as your safety and comfort.
 
Hi Blissismydivision,

If someone doesn't bother reading/understanding your profile, they really don't deserve any special attention from you. It's they who are being rude.

You have a chance to get a fresh start on BeyondTwo. Start right by only accepting friend requests you have specific reason to accept. Don't accept requests from complete strangers.

That's my opinion anyway.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Bliss, I'm on KoTango.com and they have the friend request thing there, too. I have gotten requests from complete strangers, in that I've had no interacton with them on the site (or anywhere else) and I either ignore or deny the requests. I have not gotten the feeling that it's customary to accept all friend requests. I follow my rule from Facebook and that is to be website "friends" with people I actually want to be friends with. I don't know why I'd otherwise want an ongoing association with them.

~ Karen
 
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