left out of the NRE

They're caught up in the NRE and not thinking straight, obviously. They have acknowledged this. But if this baby happens, you're right, there's no stopping it from continuing. There's also no way of knowing if he's going to meet someone else down the line and start making babies with her too! I suppose there is no point in fearing all these "what-ifs," but I'm already feeling insecure enough and I can't help these thoughts.

In the short term, I guess I just need to go back to dealing with my own jealousy and insecurity when they have sex without me, but wondering if it's going to lead to more children makes it even more difficult. I currently have three children depending on me, and a neighbour's kid is over, and Helen and Garth are both working late, and I feel overwhelmed. I should be focusing on the kids. I want to be. And instead, I'm just an emotional train wreck. Trying to keep it together so the kids don't see. God, I'm tired.
 
Amen, BoringGuy.

And GalaGirl, good point about the ECP, etc.

Re:
"There's also no way of knowing if he's going to meet someone else down the line and start making babies with her too!"
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All too true ...

Really, really sorry about all this. Does not sound good.
 
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Thanks for the breakdown, GalaGirl. I'm just seeing your reply now. While ECP is still an option, I don't feel like it's for me to even suggest. Not my body and all that, and H probably wouldn't go for it anyway. She wants his babies.

We are all going to talk tonight when the kids are asleep and they get home from work. I don't know how productive it will be, but maybe I will try writing some things down so I don't lose control of my emotions, and say things that I don't mean, or are counterproductive.

Deep breaths.
 
BoringGuy, I know! I feel like I'm the only one being an adult about this, and considering my state, that does not bode well. What about the 3 current kids? Adding Helen as another parent in the household might be easyish with my son, as he is only 2, but the others are older, their parents broke up 3 years ago and they gained a stepparent (me). Another one (H) now?

And when the NRE ends, is their relationship strong enough to withstand parenting at all, let alone parenting in such an unconventional blended family? Yeah, they weren't thinking. Someone should stop them. But I can't. No one can!
 
BoringGuy said:
But so many people do it for the wrong reasons. They're not even equipped to take care of themselves, let alone one or more totally helpless and dependent creatures who did not ask to be brought into existence.
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That's true, except it is unlikely to stop people once they get it into their minds to do it. The desire to reproduce is a very strong drive, even if people are terribly ill equipped to raise a child.
 
purpleboots said:
BoringGuy, I know! I feel like I'm the only one being an adult about this, and considering my state, that does not bode well. What about the 3 current kids? Adding H as another parent in the household might be easyish with my son, as he is only 2, but the others are older. Their parents broke up 3 years ago and they gained a stepparent (me). Another one (H) now? And when the NRE ends, is their relationship strong enough to withstand parenting at all, let alone parenting in such an unconventional blended family? Yeah, they weren't thinking. Someone should stop them. But I can't! No one can.
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I'm glad you don't feel like I'm attacking you, because I'm not. I really feel helpless on your behalf. Granted, you did make choices that got you where you are, but you all need to deal with the situation MOVING FORWARD, as you seem to understand

Recklessly making babies like there's no tomorrow in sight is just... it makes me ache for the current and potential children, and the fact that there is nothing in your or my power we can do about it!
 
Natja said:
That's true, except it is unlikely to stop people once they get it into their minds to do it, the desire to reproduce is a very strong drive, even if people are terribly ill equipped to raise a child.
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Yes, I realize that. It's very unfortunate. 😟
 
purpleboots said:
We are all going to talk tonight when the kids are asleep and they get home from work. I don't know how productive it will be. Maybe I will try writing some things down so I don't lose control of my emotions and say things that I don't mean, or are counterproductive. Deep breaths.
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Best of luck with that. It is very hard to be rational when pregnant, and the stress can be overwhelming. This just is not the time to be accused of being irrational or the like.
 
Natja said:
Best of luck with that, it is very hard to be rational when pregnant and the stress can be overwhelming. This just is not the time to be accused of being irrational or the like.
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I think we can all validate PB to the effect that this is not "pregnant irrationality." It is very rational what she's thinking, whether pregnant or not.
 
You know... I hope I am not wrong in saying this, but goodness, Garth and Helen are being extremely irresponsible! You were alone with four children-- three of whom belong to you. You know what? You have every right to be tired. Pregnancy wears you out, and you are almost in the home stretch.

You have a lot on your plate right now, and the last thing you need is two inconsiderate parties. There are already cramped quarters, so tensions are high. You are probably hormonal, adjusting to a new arrangement, and feeling like they are not helping you at all. The least they can do is practice safe sex and slow down. Pregnancy can be prevented, but if they are not doing their part to prevent it, that is being careless, irresponsible, and pretty inconsiderate for all involved.

I suppose they will expect you to tend to the little darling while they go to work, too. I hope for their sake they are not trying to procreate and expecting that.

And Kevin is most definitely right. "I could not help it" is a poor excuse. Only you can decide what is the best thing for you and your children, the ones here, and the little one still growing in your womb. No one deserves to be stress-ridden and worried about all of this. Do you have any time to yourself where you can breathe and relax? You mentioned that your youngest is two. The terrible twos will keep you running and on your toes. How old are the other two children?

I wish you good luck with the conversation tonight. Writing down your thoughts is a good place to start. You cannot control how the others will react to what you say, but this is a conversation that desperately needs to be had. :(
 
BoringGuy said:
I think we can all validate the OP to the effect that this is not "pregnant irrationality." It is very rational what she's thinking, whether pregnant or not.
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I know what I said. I was talking about the ability to keep one's head when severely tested. I was referring to the conversation tonight. As a hormonal woman myself, and having recently to deal with a great amount of poly relationship stress, there is no one that can relate to the OP better than I can at the moment. Just because it may seem that I am being fatalistic, does not mean I don't empathise.
 
Natja said:
I know what I said. I was talking about the ability to keep ones head when severely tested. I was referring to the conversation tonight. As a hormonal woman myself, and having recently to deal with a great amount of poly relationship stress, there is no one that can relate to the OP better than I can at the moment. Just because it may seem that I am being fatalistic does not mean I don't empathise.
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Chill out, I was agreeing with you. Tell your hormones to take a pill.
 
Thanks guys. It helps not to feel so alone. And BG, 'helpless' I think perfectly describes where I am at right now emotionally. That's what this feeling is and why I keep freaking out. There is little I can do and I'm so frustrated.
 
purpleboots said:
Thanks guys. It helps not to feel so alone. And BG, 'helpless' perfectly describes where I am at right now emotionally. That's what this feeling is and why I keep freaking out. There is little I can do, and I'm so frustrated.
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Aw shit, I was referring to the babies. But yeah, you too. :(
 
Re (from FullofLove1052, Post #31):
"You know ... I hope I am not wrong in saying this, but goodness G and H are being extremely irresponsible."
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Sounds accurate to me.

Re (from purpleboots, Post #23):
"She wants his babies."
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And is she going to take responsibility for the care of those babies? If not, then I think you're within your rights to suggest ECP.

Re (from Post #25):
"And when the NRE ends is their relationship strong enough to withstand parenting at all, let alone parenting such an unconventional blended family?"
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Well-stated ...

Good idea about writing stuff down, and taking those deep breaths. Sorry things have gotten so messed up; hope your talk tonight goes relatively well.
 
It sounds like Helen might be trying to "catch up" to purple and establish herself as a baby momma. That way she's "equal" with purple. Of course, I have no proof of this conjecture, but it's been known to happen. Women get knocked up all the time to try to keep a man, and men impregnate women all the time to try to keep them around and put up with their bullshit. Women think the man will "change" for them, and men think the women will put out with sex and housekeeping in exchange for that almighty sperm donation.
 
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