Arlo and I talked last night upon his return from visiting his new friend, Amy. She refuses to date him until after he's divorced, so nothing happened between them except conversation. I'm disappointed for him, but he doesn't seem to be disappointed at all. Realistically, we're not ready to divorce anytime soon, as our finances are tied up for procuring suitable separate residences if we can find them (apartment hunting here is a goddamned bloodsport.) Amy is still who-knows how long away from finding a house here anyway. Regardless, Arlo returned in good spirits, feeling confident about his future.
I told him I thought we should end our sexual relationship, as it was painful to me to feel like a placeholder for some future monogamous relationship he might have. He said he was fine with that, and with spending a bit less time together. I see the wisdom in "ripping off the bandaid" and seriously cutting contact, but you have to understand, he and I are the only family each other has here. He is the bulk of my support system, I am the bulk of his, and we want to keep an eye on each other while we work on making new friendships, careers, relationships, etc..
Arlo says one of these days, I'll drink some wine and make a pass at him, and he will accept. He might be right. So we threw in the caveat that if we fall off the wagon, we'll just get back on. He slept on the couch last night, as he asked if he could still spend nights over sometimes on the sofa, and I said of course. He does still pay most of the rent here.
I know this might not seem like a major shift, but for me, going from lover to close friend is HUGE. I feel good about it this morning, I think we can love each other platonically, as our partnership was based on things other than sex anyway. It feels like another step towards untangling our lives.
