Mark Manson article, and a couple alternate takes

WildColonial

WildColonial

Member
I love this about the now-classic Mark Manson essay:


"Remember, it’s your job to look for something cool in everyone you meet; it’s not their job to show you. This is life, not a fucking sales convention. Learning to appreciate people you meet is a skill you cultivate. So get on it. This doesn’t mean you have to fall in love with everyone who breathes in your direction. It just means you need to take responsibility for your ability to connect with the people you are meeting."
 
I think "fuck yeah or no" works part of the time, but not all of the time. It's probably particularly helpful when you are stuck on whether to proceed with someone. If you're not stuck, I'd say you can just go with what you feel. Unless there are red flags or something.
 
I have run across people who use that rule. They seem to easily discard people. If someone says they are into that it would be a big fuck no for me.

The Manson article is all over the place. There are a few good things in it. The consent part is good. Then again, not everyone behaves enthusiastically even when they are enthusiastic about something. It's easier to recognize a healthy fuck no.

I can imagine two fuck yes people totally missing the boat on each other because they are both sitting around waiting for the other to make a move.

I've also found that being fuck yes about someone might make one miss the no or meh cues the object of their affection might give off. I prefer to hold off on those feelings one way or the other until I actually get to know someone. That's not to say I would ignore a feeling of Fuck No.

I guess you could say I'm more of a Fuck No or Might As Well Give it A Shot person.
 
I call it "joyous yes." Not "Fuck yes."

But I think it can help someone make a decision. Anything less than a "joyous yes" is a "working no." Strict personal standards because you draw the line super tight.


"Hell no" is a "working no."
"Not sure" is a "working no."
"I could take it or leave it" is a "working no."
"Yes, but only if...." is a "working no."
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"Hell, yes! Glad to! Enthusiastically!" is the only "working yes."​

This is helpful in times of stress. Like the person is feeling spread really thin, has other problems to be dealing with, and doesn't want to be piling more on their plate unnecessarily. So if the thing is not "joyous yes" they decide to skip it at this time.

Later when the person is on better footing, less stressed, or maybe has less on their plate? They might consider moving where they draw the line over to something less strict. Other conditions might count as "a good enough yes" or "working yes" then. They might be more wiling to take those options/opportunities on board at that time. Take more of a chance and see if it works out.

"Hell no" is a "working no."
"Not sure" is a "working no."
----------------------------------------

"I could take it or leave it" is a "working yes."
"Yes, but only if...." is a "working yes."
"Hell, yes! Glad to! Enthusiastically!" is a "working yes."​

They put the line "looser" or "less strict" to include more possibilities because they have the time/space to deal with it at that point in time. Or they have an inclination to develop something more slowly over time like "wait and see how it turns out" rather than "this needs a decision right this minute!"

It's not the ONLY way to make decisions in life. But I think it's a helpful method for discernment sometimes. Not just in dating, but in other situations too.

I don't have endless time and energy. I have to pick and choose where I'm going to spend it. Pausing to reflect on my current situation and stress level helps me figure out how tight of a line to draw. Which in turn helps me figure out what to decide to go for. Or not.

Galagirl
 
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Oh, I love your take on this, GalaGirl! Realizing that it's appropriate to draw the line in different places depending on life circumstances is brilliant, and you've explained the concept really well here.
 
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