Marriage, jealousy and new feelings..

I am glad to hear that, Dryad. It gives me hope that something positive can come out of all this. You are talking. That is great. :)
 
dryad said:
... Over the weekend, Jayden and I talked a lot, and agreed to take things one day at a time. He doesn't want me to stop seeing Liam, and has said he's comfortable with me seeing him as slightly more than friends (close friends who are intimate, no sex, just kissing and lots of cuddling, affection). I am going to be very careful and not jump into anything, I want to take time to reassure Jayden, and give him time to get used to the fact (again) that I am poly. I want him to know that this isn't about Liam, it is about my orientation as a pansexual poly woman.
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I'm really interested in seeing how your husband adjusts. My wife knows I'm in love with another woman, and is ok with it as an online relationship (including camming and sexual acts), but not letting the touching happen in real life.

If there's a way to make our spouses comfortable, I really want to find it!
 
Hi all, sorry for going quiet on you. It's been a bit of a rollercoaster. After talking to Jayden, I thought that he was coming round to the idea of Liam and me seeing each other as friends.

Jayden's feelings changed on a daily basis, though. I've been seeing Liam, and we've been getting along fine as friends, with no desire to take it further. But Jayden's jealousy has soared. The more I've seen of Liam, the more anger Jay has shown towards me.

He's told me that he is certain that Liam is trying to manipulate me. He has told me, in no uncertain terms, that he dislikes Liam. He's never met the guy, and has made it quite clear that he doesn't want to.

Then today out of the blue, I got a text from Liam saying that something doesn't feel right and that he wants to cut off all contact! No explanation, nothing. I saw him yesterday and we were getting on fine. I'm wondering if Jayden contacted Liam and warned him off! If so, then it is over between me and Jayden, as I can't be with someone who would do that. I'm really upset.
 
I'm sorry to hear that, Dryad. Can you trust Jayden to tell you the truth?
 
Yeah, I think if I asked him, he'd tell me. I don't want to ask him though, as I'm scared I'll find out what I already suspect. I do feel he's trying to control me a lot. This is a recent thing. :(
 
I have to admit I'm curious. Your update says that your husband was fluctuating daily on how he felt about you and Liam. Obviously there was not, "let's take a break" decided on, and that's cool. Up to you guys how to proceed. However, I'm curious, was anything ever discussed? You know, how you wanted to proceed, what being poly meant to you, how a poly relationship might look like now, in the future? Or was it just "I want to hang with this guy, just as friends. So ignore our prior make-outs, and I'll give you time to get used to it."

Honestly, I have never (I know, I know, never say never) seen letting a monogamous person have time to 'come to terms with it' work. Moving from a mono relationship to a poly one, or a mono/poly one, is work for EVERYONE.

Having spent much time on lists and groups specifically for mono/poly, one of the things we talk about is how there is no move from mono to poly. It's at best, mono, ethically-non-mono, poly. Sadly, a lot of times though, it's mono, cheating, non-mono, ethical-non-mono, poly. I'm not saying you are one or the other, since you two would know better. I'm just saying leaping straight from mono to poly doesn't work. There needs to be time where ALL PARTIES are working on what they feel, what they want, and how to make adjustments. I'm curious if any of that was done.

I'm also curious as to why you would jump to the conclusion that Jayden went behind your back. If this relationship started as 'just friends' but there were make outs and kissing that 'just happened' and then back off to just friends again. If Liam knew you were married and if none of the above discussions went on with Jayden OR Liam, it's totally possible that his feelings that something wasn't working were truly his own.

TL;DR - discussions need to happen with everyone and jumping to conclusions of sabotage is not good for ANY relationship.
 
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