Maybe being poly?


New member
Hey there,
I am pretty new in this field. I am currently in a relationship with a man (since almost 4 years). I identified as not heterosexual a few years ago, but have no exact definition for who I am attracted to. I also have no experience with females.
I moved to a bigger, new town last summer and moved in with my boyfriend. In the past months I met some amazing people and there is a women I feel like I am slowly falling for. But this doesn’t change anything with my current boyfriend for me. I feel the same for him.
I felt bad for my feelings and denied them, but I don’t want that. So I have been thinking about poly relationships in general.
Has anyone some advice or experience you would like to share?
I mean it wouldn’t change anything since my bf is monogamous and the other women is in a monogamous relationship as well, but it could be a part about me and I’d like to know more about me.
Thank you


welcome to the forum.
I've been on a journey of self-discovery for several years now. I believe I'm poly, my wife is not and has no interest in it, doesn't want me having a girlfriend. I haven't really done anything with it, but doing lots of research, reading other posts on here, self-reflection on what they talk about to see if that lines up with what I'm seeing internally.

my ideal situation would be primary (my wife) with the secondary being another married woman. and would like a kitchen table environment, but that's just my fantasy land, it's not reality at this point.

early on I got to a point where I would be ok with my wife having a boyfriend, because I'm not the kind of guy to say i want a girlfriend but my wife can't have a boyfriend. not only that, but I would also have compersion for her with another guy. I've never really been jealous and that makes sense with the compersion.

if you recognize poly as something you are interested in, consider talking to him about it. ive been open with my wife from the beginning of this journey. shes not really happy with it considering we are a christian marriage and poly is bad bad bad in the bible environment but that doesnt sway me, im where im at and its not going away. she has compromised in some areas but i see that as moving in the right direction.
the most realistic thing I see from this is maybe being a professional cuddler. touch is important to me, its my primary love language, and i can be very supportive and encouraging of others, so touch with that can be quite helpful to others and I would get a connection to others, while not being specifically poly. I think poly is really scarry to my wife, but professional cuddling, perhaps is a little less scary. I already help people in recovery from abuse and it could be another tool in that tool box.

I don't know if any of that helps, but it's my 2 cents with what my journey with a monogamous partner looks like so far

keep browsing the forums, there's some really knowledgeable peeps out here.

take care
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Official Greeter
Staff member
Hello Newbys,

It sounds like you are inclined to be polyamorous. This is something you might want to say to your boyfriend, "Honey, I am polyamorous." At least then he would not be totally taken by surprise when you developed feelings for someone else. I didn't include the woman you have feelings for because you said she is in a monogamous relationship. There is, however, such a thing as a mono/poly relationship, and that is what you and your boyfriend might have.

Kevin T.