singlecollegestudent
New member
Hello all,
I am new to the idea of polyamory. I am a single, gay college male. On my way home from school (visiting a friend in another city), I was looking for a little fun, when I came across a couple in their 30s looking for a third, specifically for sexual variety. We all became skittish about meeting up though, and ended up being geographically separated for a few months, as I had returned home for the summer. During that time we texted daily, and talked on the phone about once a week, usually for at least an hour. We all really hit it off well and became friends. They both refer to me as their best friend, aside from each other.
We finally met up when the new semester began, and the first weekend we spent together was great. Since then, I've spent all but 3 weekends with them for the remainder of the semester. Our time is far more than sexual. We all enjoy being together and doing things together (the three of us), as well as one-on-one, although all of my sexual interactions MUST be with both of them present (ground rule we agreed to since day 1).
We have all expressed that we really care about each other. They both admit they've never had a connection like this with anyone else. However, we have all agreed that things have moved a little quickly. None of us feel ready for a "relationship" between the three of us. We have also discussed that none of us ever really envisioned this ending up where it has. They were looking for a somewhat regular sexual partner, and I was just looking for some fun while I was single. That being said, we still text and/or talk daily, and I see them on a very regular basis, so, practically speaking, we are sort of dating. They have been a couple for 12 years and have only recently (within the last year) opened up their relationship.
I am also working through the idea of an open relationship. I accept it logically and certainly see how it can be very beneficial. But although I understand it is BECAUSE their relationship is open that I am even in this situation, I still don't know whether or not that is something I am ultimately okay with. Yes, I could see myself being in an open relationship, but only after a period of monogamy in which I was able to build trust with my partner(s).
Although they both say they really care about me, I know it is different than the way they care about each other. Obviously, with 12 years of history, they have been through a lot more and know each other far more intimately than I do after only 6 months. I know that this is just something I will have to get used to, but I was wondering if it ever gets easier to deal with. Thoughts?
I guess what I'm trying to figure out is whether or not I should continue to invest time in this. On the one hand, part of me is scared at the uncertainty of the situation. Does this really have a future? Are the three of us able to handle a polyamorous relationship? Am I wanting more out of this than they are? What happens if they decide to end things?
But on the other hand, the idea of not seeing them makes me sad. They have enriched my life greatly; I care about both of them; and I enjoy the time we spend together. I have dated a few (not a lot) of other guys, and no one makes me feel loved and cared for and special like they do. Both of them also have a lot of what I'm looking for in a guy. So, collectively, this is nearly my dream scenario.
These are all things the three of us have discussed, but we all agree we don't have the answers yet. What are your thoughts? Continue, or end it now before it gets even harder to walk away from? From what I've read, the feelings I have are pretty common. Do these things get a little easier to deal with as time goes on?
I am new to the idea of polyamory. I am a single, gay college male. On my way home from school (visiting a friend in another city), I was looking for a little fun, when I came across a couple in their 30s looking for a third, specifically for sexual variety. We all became skittish about meeting up though, and ended up being geographically separated for a few months, as I had returned home for the summer. During that time we texted daily, and talked on the phone about once a week, usually for at least an hour. We all really hit it off well and became friends. They both refer to me as their best friend, aside from each other.
We finally met up when the new semester began, and the first weekend we spent together was great. Since then, I've spent all but 3 weekends with them for the remainder of the semester. Our time is far more than sexual. We all enjoy being together and doing things together (the three of us), as well as one-on-one, although all of my sexual interactions MUST be with both of them present (ground rule we agreed to since day 1).
We have all expressed that we really care about each other. They both admit they've never had a connection like this with anyone else. However, we have all agreed that things have moved a little quickly. None of us feel ready for a "relationship" between the three of us. We have also discussed that none of us ever really envisioned this ending up where it has. They were looking for a somewhat regular sexual partner, and I was just looking for some fun while I was single. That being said, we still text and/or talk daily, and I see them on a very regular basis, so, practically speaking, we are sort of dating. They have been a couple for 12 years and have only recently (within the last year) opened up their relationship.
I am also working through the idea of an open relationship. I accept it logically and certainly see how it can be very beneficial. But although I understand it is BECAUSE their relationship is open that I am even in this situation, I still don't know whether or not that is something I am ultimately okay with. Yes, I could see myself being in an open relationship, but only after a period of monogamy in which I was able to build trust with my partner(s).
Although they both say they really care about me, I know it is different than the way they care about each other. Obviously, with 12 years of history, they have been through a lot more and know each other far more intimately than I do after only 6 months. I know that this is just something I will have to get used to, but I was wondering if it ever gets easier to deal with. Thoughts?
I guess what I'm trying to figure out is whether or not I should continue to invest time in this. On the one hand, part of me is scared at the uncertainty of the situation. Does this really have a future? Are the three of us able to handle a polyamorous relationship? Am I wanting more out of this than they are? What happens if they decide to end things?
But on the other hand, the idea of not seeing them makes me sad. They have enriched my life greatly; I care about both of them; and I enjoy the time we spend together. I have dated a few (not a lot) of other guys, and no one makes me feel loved and cared for and special like they do. Both of them also have a lot of what I'm looking for in a guy. So, collectively, this is nearly my dream scenario.
These are all things the three of us have discussed, but we all agree we don't have the answers yet. What are your thoughts? Continue, or end it now before it gets even harder to walk away from? From what I've read, the feelings I have are pretty common. Do these things get a little easier to deal with as time goes on?
