i can see having that position sitting up here in the cheap seats but that would seem a little harsh for a spouse express to their struggling mono partner. AND damn right cold / brutal if there was a long drawn out lobbying program to open up.
I agree that would be harsh coming from a spouse in that context. At this point in time, Bearpancake has not mentioned anything wife has said. So I don't know what the wife says.
*I* am saying "Bearpancake, if you don't feel good doing this, please be careful! Remember that you have to look out for your own well being."
Basically if you’re dumb enough to sign up for it shut up and deal. Stop bitching about the work load.
That would be unkind.
Also not my POV. I have asked Bearpancake to list what they struggle with if willing and able. Maybe people can here help with some of it.
I am coming from the POV of "Bearpancake, you are responsible for your well being. If you only agreed to do this to make your wife happy? And now you realize you are doing most of the heavy lifting, you aren't even sure you want this mono-poly relationship arrangement, you are worried you are setting yourself up for failure or that this might wreck your marriage?
It's ok to take a time out. Stop to reassess or stop completely before this goes even further. It's ok to pull back.
The mono person's happiness matters too. It cannot be only about the poly person's happiness."
I wasn’t thinking about disbanding with grace thats a good idea too. I was thinking of escape clause that favors the mono To help ease a struggling mind. In some states the divorce laws are heavily slanted in favor of the female. As a former married mono and as with the op’s case the wife wants an open or poly dynamic OK fine …but I want to jump off or out for whatever reason Without paying the usual high rate.
Something else for Bearpancake to think about.
"What are the laws where I live? If we do end up breaking up, what are my risks in a divorce? What do I need in place to ease my mind?"