Mrs. Robinson?

K

kemperfish

New member
Please provide advice on the following situation. It will be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.

I am a 37-year old female with a primary partner. I just started dating alone. I had my ad up on one of those sites that most of us can name. I got a response from a 27-year old male. I immediately attempted to dismiss him, because he looks at least 10 years younger than that. He would not allow himself to be dismissed, and in a very intelligent and kind way convinced me to chat with him.

I have since learned that he is very interesting, smart, funny, and kind. I have also seen more pictures of him and he is very attractive.

Here's the issue: is this appropriate? Will I be able to treat him like a man when he looks younger than my son? I realize I am reading too much into this, but I have no experience in this area. I hear that people in their 20s are different now, more mature etc. I just need advice from someone who has been down this road, or known of a similar situation.

Thanks again.
 
As long as he isn't lying about his age, or lying about anything else, what's the problem? I'm 42 and I still get carded for liquor sometimes. Some people just have that kind of look. You could make a joke out of it like that, and ask him if you can see his ID. I met my spouse in a bar and one of the first things I did was ask to see their ID, but it wasn't because of their age, it was for another reason.
 
BoringGuy, I confirmed that age straight away with a pic of his driver's license. LOL I will also be carding him when he arrives for our date and I made this clear. LOL Thank you for the advice. It is much appreciated.
 
You're welcome. I also would like to add that 10 years isn't really that big of an age difference when you're these ages. It isn't like a 24 year-old and a 14 year-old getting it on together.
 
One other thing-- you asked if anyone else has been in a similar situation. I had a relationship with someone 19 years older when I was in my early 20s. It was monogamous. We met in person regular, not online or through a dating service. It lasted for a little over a year. (I wrote about this recently in another thread with a 20-year old engaged to a 40-something-year old.)

I have not had the experience of being an older person in a relationship with a younger person yet, but I do have a crush on a certain 20-year old. Or maybe they've turned 21 already. I'm not sure of their date of birth.
 
I'm jealous that BoringGuy gets carded. Last time I was in the States I didn't get carded even once. *weep*

I don't think ten years is much of a problem. My mother's bf is 12 years younger than she is, only 5 years older than me.

On the whole being of similar age group to you I wouldn't have a problem with it, but I have yet to find anyone that much younger than me interesting at all.

If you like him, enjoy yourself! :)

Natja
 
I get carded the most at bars and clubs, and the least at restaurants. Liquor stores, it depends on several things, the most obvious of which is that they know me, ahem, rather well, at the ones close to my house. It also seems to depend on the age of the person serving, as I think I've observed that the older a person is, the less likely they are to card me. But I do appreciate it when they do. A lot of times I have my ID (and my super-ego) ready, and I get up there and I'm all, "Don't you want this? Please, look at it! See, it really is me!"
 
Go for it. Some people still have a lot of growing up to do at 27. Then again, some people still have a lot of growing up to do at 67. But plenty of others have settled into who they are as adults, and are not going to be any different than you, aside from having had a little less time to experience the world. Then again, he may well have more experience than you in some areas. Who knows? This is not a Mrs. Robinson situation. He's past his mid-20s. You're good.
 
I just had a two year relationship with a 27-year old, Jan. He called on his birthday to see him. He was in a bad space. I can say he provided a solid base for me when I found out about my husband's deceit. There is a 20-year age gap. We would still be together, except he has a need for sport fucking and isn't reliable about condoms.

I am now being pursued by a 30-year old. I have another interest who is 59. Oddly enough, I have more in common with the ex and the other younger guy.

One of my ex's friends said I wasn't being fair to him, with him wanting a family someday. Other mutual friends got us.
 
One of N's lady friends is 30 years his senior. As long as you are comfortable, it's fine. I'm 33 and personally, I prefer younger partners.
 
There is 15-year age difference between Whip and me. (I'm the Mrs. Robinson.) If you are honest and open about your situation, what you can realistically offer, and he does the same, then there are no ethical concerns.

Have you met him in person yet?
 
Thank you all

Thank you all for the great advice and the sharing of your stories. I am not certain if I am self-defeating, or just a plain old chicken, but I cancelled the date.

Not having a very large organized poly community in our area, we have trouble meeting like-minded people. I am thinking that I have given up and taken on a defeatist attitude about it and allowed that to negatively affect my choices. I cannot say I regret not going, but I can say that I learned a great deal about myself during the process of communication with him. I believe I will be much more open to it, should it happen to me again in the future (not that I expect it to, as it is not common in my life, so far).

Thanks again, everyone.

I too wish I got carded as often as BoringGuy. :)
 
I'm sorry to hear you refused to meet a nice guy just because he's a mere 10 years younger than you. My gf is 22 years younger than me and we've been together now 4 1/2 years. We are now 57 and 35. I've dated lots of men in their 20s, with some just first dates and with others relationships lasting 7 months to 2 years. Had a lot of fun, laughs and insight into life and who I am.

But then, I'm young at heart. Most men I've dated in their 40s and older seem to bore me with their stories of the old days, and being really set in their ways, maybe even having erectile dysfunction!

My bf Ginger is the exception. He's 60 and we are a good match. Generally he dates much younger women, as well.

The main problem I've found with the younger guys (under say, 27) is that they may not have much money, or a car, or gas for their car.
 
You're fine

I've been dating younger (way younger) since becoming single after 19 years over 2 1/2 years ago. It is different now. Both the guys I'm with are in their 20s, with one being 22, and a very young looking 22, at that. Neither of us are forgettable as far as our appearances go & I was worried at first that people would look at us strangely. Nope, nothing. No one looks at us funny. It's awesome.

Go for it. You'll be just fine. ;)
 
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