My wife's GF is having a crisis and wants to talk to ME alone

1. It sounds like you're doing well agreeing with IG's points, so IG feels heard and appreciated. That's easy for you. The hard part will be to stop saying yes to please others, and actually saying no. Therapy can help with this.

2. What with being school teachers, and trying to carry on a secret lesbian affair, the ladies are playing with fire. If they get outed somehow they'll be in deep doodoo. Polyamory is not understood; it's a new concept. Heck, being gay or bi and having it be legal is still quite new. But being bi, married and poly while teaching, in conservative states, can seem like lax morals to some. Being transgender can also still get people fired in some states. Polyamory is only recognized in certain states as being morally neutral.

I assume none of your adult kids, their partners, or grandchildren know that Red Queen is your shared lover... Being that deeply in the closet (about sexual identity or sexual preference) sucks.
 
So a quick update:
IG has been to therapy and is relinquishing couples privilege's - which is good
RB and I are closer as friends and lovers, especially since RB asked if she could fully enjoy our sex from IQ, who is now comfortable with that.
RB is yet to go to therapy.
IG therapy has brought up a lot of body image/personal/adolescence insecurity.
We are all navigating shared time, allocated time, sperate times together - it working out.
We are all very aware of the "being outed" risks given jobs and family.
All in all lots of benefits having different emotional supports in our challenging lives.
 
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