Navigating poly with a partner who conceals in a mono/poly dynamic

[Tinwen]

She's genuinely poly and has been trying to figure it out her whole life, unfortunately often with harm to herself and to me. Perry is being quite thoughtful and understands the complexity of the situation. It's a hard situation all around but everyone's trying to show up and now that the initial NRE when things weren't in the open is past, we're all just trying to figure out what's possible going forward that is the best compromise for our different natures and the needs of our kid.

These are all great plus points (everyone showing up, thoughtful metamour, poly not just being proposed because of this affair...). I trust you can find the best solution.
Perhaps your wife's fantasies are not that off base, and maybe the difference in perspectives (5 years vs 5 weeks ) also serves you well in some ways. Having a happy vision can be a stabilizing element.