stellarcloud
New member
Hello everyone!
(WARNING: long story)
So, I just want to start by saying that my husband and I have been exploring polyamory for about a year and half, and most the exploring was done on my side. We have been in a relationship together, mostly monogamous, for 15 yrs(started dating as teenagers). We have a very close bond, but I have always been interested in opening our relationship and had discomforts with monogamy for all my life. He however, has not been on this same page until recently. I have casually dated two other men in the past year and half, never anything serious, nor did I intend such. Which for me is very easy to do, because I am not very quick with intimacy and usually lean more toward friendships that have some physical intimacy occasionally.
However, recently(year ago) I met a girl and started a friendship with her and she too is poly.Then I invited her to join our art collective(my husband, myself and some friends started). She and my husband started talking, though to my knowledge at the time was infrequent. Then one night at a party she asked to kiss my partner and I happily supported the idea. After the party she started a dialogue about how she could help him open up more and how she was interested in casually seeing him, in which I agreed. Anyways, within the next 3 weeks, they began dating and it got very serious almost immediately. She even broke up with her then 2 year boyfriend and the couple she was seeing. I also, got word from mutual friends she was calling him her boyfriend, and i noticed she got stand offish with me and so did my husband. They even would say they were going on a date and he would then conveniently have to stay with her for some reason or another. After about three weeks of this I began to feel very uncomfortable and began to ask for a break from this or to slow down. Her and I were in conversation through this, but she always seemed to side with me, but then would act out the opposite when I wan't around. In fact, they would be together holding hands through group meetings, she would follow him to dinners we had, etc. and when I began really protesting this, my husband would kind of guilt trip me by saying I was the one that asked for this, and that in poly I can't put restrictions on his form of love. She also began stating that i was neglecting her autonomy(usually through him). At about a month this led to me and her actually arguing..almost fighting(verbally). Come the following month we agreed to try to work through this, they still were dating actively, but my concerns continued and new things were discovered and she was not honest about them when I asked about it. She even began telling one of my friends very personal things about me, she had learned from my husband. At that point I had had enough and stated I was no longer interested in any of this relationship.
By the end of the second month they separated and now my husband and I are still together,and he does recognize his wrongs in the situation, but I am still confused. I never knew this could turn so insane so quickly and I don't know how to wrap my mind around it.
(WARNING: long story)
So, I just want to start by saying that my husband and I have been exploring polyamory for about a year and half, and most the exploring was done on my side. We have been in a relationship together, mostly monogamous, for 15 yrs(started dating as teenagers). We have a very close bond, but I have always been interested in opening our relationship and had discomforts with monogamy for all my life. He however, has not been on this same page until recently. I have casually dated two other men in the past year and half, never anything serious, nor did I intend such. Which for me is very easy to do, because I am not very quick with intimacy and usually lean more toward friendships that have some physical intimacy occasionally.
However, recently(year ago) I met a girl and started a friendship with her and she too is poly.Then I invited her to join our art collective(my husband, myself and some friends started). She and my husband started talking, though to my knowledge at the time was infrequent. Then one night at a party she asked to kiss my partner and I happily supported the idea. After the party she started a dialogue about how she could help him open up more and how she was interested in casually seeing him, in which I agreed. Anyways, within the next 3 weeks, they began dating and it got very serious almost immediately. She even broke up with her then 2 year boyfriend and the couple she was seeing. I also, got word from mutual friends she was calling him her boyfriend, and i noticed she got stand offish with me and so did my husband. They even would say they were going on a date and he would then conveniently have to stay with her for some reason or another. After about three weeks of this I began to feel very uncomfortable and began to ask for a break from this or to slow down. Her and I were in conversation through this, but she always seemed to side with me, but then would act out the opposite when I wan't around. In fact, they would be together holding hands through group meetings, she would follow him to dinners we had, etc. and when I began really protesting this, my husband would kind of guilt trip me by saying I was the one that asked for this, and that in poly I can't put restrictions on his form of love. She also began stating that i was neglecting her autonomy(usually through him). At about a month this led to me and her actually arguing..almost fighting(verbally). Come the following month we agreed to try to work through this, they still were dating actively, but my concerns continued and new things were discovered and she was not honest about them when I asked about it. She even began telling one of my friends very personal things about me, she had learned from my husband. At that point I had had enough and stated I was no longer interested in any of this relationship.
By the end of the second month they separated and now my husband and I are still together,and he does recognize his wrongs in the situation, but I am still confused. I never knew this could turn so insane so quickly and I don't know how to wrap my mind around it.
