EponineElphabaT
New member
Hi everyone, I'm new to the site. I am familiar with polyamory thanks to reading "The Ethical Slut" and "More Than Two," and have found both to somewhat be helpful with my current situation. Mine is not exactly a poly situation, but I'm at my rope's end trying to find someone who can help. I hope someone here takes pity on me and answers, even if it's real talk and harsh. Apologies in case this is not very coherent.
My guy and I have been involved for two years now. I am 29; he is 49. We broke up for a short period last year when I found out he was seeing someone else, then got back together with the premise that we would be open and honest with each other about other partners for health reasons. I guess I have more of a mono mindset than I thought, because I did try going out on dates with other guys and talking to them, but they were just lacking in comparison.
In the meantime, my guy is involved with two other women besides me. One of them is fairly close to his age; the other is 25 and is a co-worker of mine. He is not sexually attracted to the one his age and told me he is slowly extracting himself from that relationship, as they have had issues that he considers dealbreakers. He has told me that he does not consider my co-worker to be long-term; that their relationship is not serious, he doesn't trust her, and as he has two children of his own (whom I have met and played with and babysat), he does not want to help raise her daughter. He has further said he has no intentions of moving in with her and that she's not moving in with him and that he plans to end that relationship once her divorce is finalized. Her divorce is about to be finalized.
He has said, that out of the three of us, he sees me as long-term off and on. He loves how smart I am and how we can talk about almost anything; he says I am sweet and prettier than the two of them and that he would be devastated to lose me. And that he cares about me a lot and loves me very much and enjoys being around me and likes me. At one point we actually talked about monogamy and him committing to me, but that didn't work out given his belief in slowly withdrawing from relationships instead of big blow-up breakups.
I am fairly sure the co-worker does not know he is seeing me. I think the one around his age has some idea I exist, but we don't talk much about either of them unless I ask questions.
I have had jealousy issues off and on with both women; a few weeks ago he left me at his house to go spend the night with my co-worker. I was upset and in tears and he apologized for hurting my feelings and hugged me twice, but he still left me at his house alone anyhow. I spent this past weekend at his house helping with his kids and I knew he would be inviting the co-worker over to his house tonight, but I still find myself jealous.
I guess...the whole point of this is I need help coping. When I have been upset with him I have called him manwhore and said he has a harem, which he always gets mad about but really can't deny. And he's also said he has gotten jealous over the idea of me going out with other guys, but he really can't protest.
"More Than Two" has been extremely helpful in regard to the jealousy aspects. I have gotten sick of it all at times and have tried to walk away, give him space, etc. only to go back and try to adjust because deep down inside I do care. We have discussed polyamory and I have told him the most crucial element is honesty- that the other two women would definitely know about me, I wouldn't be the only female knowing about the others. But still I feel I am.
I just need help. I feel I have progressed some in that I didn't cry knowing he's with her tonight, but I am still jealous and a little upset. I would like either a clue by four upside the face, or someone who's been there, or even pointing me in the right direction in regard to advice.
My guy and I have been involved for two years now. I am 29; he is 49. We broke up for a short period last year when I found out he was seeing someone else, then got back together with the premise that we would be open and honest with each other about other partners for health reasons. I guess I have more of a mono mindset than I thought, because I did try going out on dates with other guys and talking to them, but they were just lacking in comparison.
In the meantime, my guy is involved with two other women besides me. One of them is fairly close to his age; the other is 25 and is a co-worker of mine. He is not sexually attracted to the one his age and told me he is slowly extracting himself from that relationship, as they have had issues that he considers dealbreakers. He has told me that he does not consider my co-worker to be long-term; that their relationship is not serious, he doesn't trust her, and as he has two children of his own (whom I have met and played with and babysat), he does not want to help raise her daughter. He has further said he has no intentions of moving in with her and that she's not moving in with him and that he plans to end that relationship once her divorce is finalized. Her divorce is about to be finalized.
He has said, that out of the three of us, he sees me as long-term off and on. He loves how smart I am and how we can talk about almost anything; he says I am sweet and prettier than the two of them and that he would be devastated to lose me. And that he cares about me a lot and loves me very much and enjoys being around me and likes me. At one point we actually talked about monogamy and him committing to me, but that didn't work out given his belief in slowly withdrawing from relationships instead of big blow-up breakups.
I am fairly sure the co-worker does not know he is seeing me. I think the one around his age has some idea I exist, but we don't talk much about either of them unless I ask questions.
I have had jealousy issues off and on with both women; a few weeks ago he left me at his house to go spend the night with my co-worker. I was upset and in tears and he apologized for hurting my feelings and hugged me twice, but he still left me at his house alone anyhow. I spent this past weekend at his house helping with his kids and I knew he would be inviting the co-worker over to his house tonight, but I still find myself jealous.
I guess...the whole point of this is I need help coping. When I have been upset with him I have called him manwhore and said he has a harem, which he always gets mad about but really can't deny. And he's also said he has gotten jealous over the idea of me going out with other guys, but he really can't protest.
"More Than Two" has been extremely helpful in regard to the jealousy aspects. I have gotten sick of it all at times and have tried to walk away, give him space, etc. only to go back and try to adjust because deep down inside I do care. We have discussed polyamory and I have told him the most crucial element is honesty- that the other two women would definitely know about me, I wouldn't be the only female knowing about the others. But still I feel I am.
I just need help. I feel I have progressed some in that I didn't cry knowing he's with her tonight, but I am still jealous and a little upset. I would like either a clue by four upside the face, or someone who's been there, or even pointing me in the right direction in regard to advice.
