Here are way too many details about a partner's birthday party my metamour and I are attending that I'm nervous about due to general social anxiety and a number of other more specific reasons. I'm just looking to get my worries off my chest and maybe for someone to say it will work out fine.
My boyfriend and I are long distance, we've been together a long time but I've only met some of his friends once or twice. This is the first time I've been in his town on his birthday because we are always together and usually traveling for New Years. He's been dating someone locally for about 6 months and she hasn't met his friends yet either.
He asked me if it would be too stressful for me to have the gathering while I was in town and I said no of course I want him to, thats part of why I am going to be there. He asked if it was OK to invite his other partner and I thought about it for a couple seconds and said yes he should invite her. I would truly feel awful if he felt like he couldn't invite both of us to a group gathering for his birthday and I believe I can handle it. I answered yes to both questions because I do want this to happen. I am still very nervous and scared though. I didn't talk extensively about being nervous when he asked because I was addressing "should we have the party?" And "should he invite her?" which I was 100% sure on. I didn't want to debate IF it should happen or give the impression that my concerns were on the level of considering if the party would happen.
Ok so added dynamic we are fledgling D/s and we have agreements that I should tell him my feelings because when I keep them to myself they come out in other ways.
So after thinking about it overnight, the next day I mentioned being nervous and he loudly reacted incredulously "but I asked you!" And asked if he should cancel. Thats not at all what I wanted! I just wanted to talk about my fears and have someone hear them and say it will be fine. So I shut down the conversation saying it will be fine, let's drop it.
To be fair his reaction is a minor slip up by someone who is extremely supportive and it's understandable that he jumped to that conclusion because I do get very upset sometimes. I dropped it because it's about his birthday and I think it's fair if this is one occasion he wanted to be stress-free. I also I think I had brought it up at a bad time because he was pretty excited and focused on a more immediate event happening later that day.
Now I'm not sure if I should bring it up again trying to preface that I'm looking for reassurance not fixing action from him, or if I should try to handle this one on my own. Ultimately it's only a few days of worrying and it WILL be fine afterwards so it's not really a long term issue.
I understand now that it was a mistake to not discuss all my thoughts when he asked if it was OK. I didn't realize that saying "yes I want to do it" meant he expected I would have no nerves at all and all further discussion should be closed. I think he was trying very hard to be considerate when he asked. Then he jumped to the conclusion that I was taking back my "ok" and something drastic would need to be done, which he had tried to avoid. He would probably be willing to listen and reassure me if he understood where I am really at. On the other hand, he may just want a break from talking me down and was truly trying to avoid it. He might have preferred not having the party that weekend if it meant any stress at all. I'm not sure. Personally I would have chosen to do it and deal with the fears so maybe I just need to do this one on my own. On the other hand me choosing "it's better to try to do it on my own" is probably against the spirit of our agreements.
My boyfriend and I are long distance, we've been together a long time but I've only met some of his friends once or twice. This is the first time I've been in his town on his birthday because we are always together and usually traveling for New Years. He's been dating someone locally for about 6 months and she hasn't met his friends yet either.
He asked me if it would be too stressful for me to have the gathering while I was in town and I said no of course I want him to, thats part of why I am going to be there. He asked if it was OK to invite his other partner and I thought about it for a couple seconds and said yes he should invite her. I would truly feel awful if he felt like he couldn't invite both of us to a group gathering for his birthday and I believe I can handle it. I answered yes to both questions because I do want this to happen. I am still very nervous and scared though. I didn't talk extensively about being nervous when he asked because I was addressing "should we have the party?" And "should he invite her?" which I was 100% sure on. I didn't want to debate IF it should happen or give the impression that my concerns were on the level of considering if the party would happen.
Ok so added dynamic we are fledgling D/s and we have agreements that I should tell him my feelings because when I keep them to myself they come out in other ways.
So after thinking about it overnight, the next day I mentioned being nervous and he loudly reacted incredulously "but I asked you!" And asked if he should cancel. Thats not at all what I wanted! I just wanted to talk about my fears and have someone hear them and say it will be fine. So I shut down the conversation saying it will be fine, let's drop it.
To be fair his reaction is a minor slip up by someone who is extremely supportive and it's understandable that he jumped to that conclusion because I do get very upset sometimes. I dropped it because it's about his birthday and I think it's fair if this is one occasion he wanted to be stress-free. I also I think I had brought it up at a bad time because he was pretty excited and focused on a more immediate event happening later that day.
Now I'm not sure if I should bring it up again trying to preface that I'm looking for reassurance not fixing action from him, or if I should try to handle this one on my own. Ultimately it's only a few days of worrying and it WILL be fine afterwards so it's not really a long term issue.
I understand now that it was a mistake to not discuss all my thoughts when he asked if it was OK. I didn't realize that saying "yes I want to do it" meant he expected I would have no nerves at all and all further discussion should be closed. I think he was trying very hard to be considerate when he asked. Then he jumped to the conclusion that I was taking back my "ok" and something drastic would need to be done, which he had tried to avoid. He would probably be willing to listen and reassure me if he understood where I am really at. On the other hand, he may just want a break from talking me down and was truly trying to avoid it. He might have preferred not having the party that weekend if it meant any stress at all. I'm not sure. Personally I would have chosen to do it and deal with the fears so maybe I just need to do this one on my own. On the other hand me choosing "it's better to try to do it on my own" is probably against the spirit of our agreements.
