New and Confused!

[ConfusedAussie84]

Hey I'm 30 years old, engaged and don't know where else to turn for advice.

I have been in an relationship for the last 3 years and occasionally we would talk about being polyamorous. Just recently my partner found a guy she really like talking and hanging out with and she asked if we could give the poly life a try.

After a few hours of thinking and researching I said I'm yes to trying the poly. But over the last few weeks there have been issues arising, mostly from my end in regards to jealous. I trust my partner completely but I still find myself having issues handling my jealously. She has slept in the same bed as him, nothing worse than kissing and cuddling happened. They were drunk and he had nowhere else to go

She has also discussed with friends about us being in a poly relationship yet they reckon I would not be okay with her seeing other people or me with another person. We haven't discussed it with our family cause they are old school and we know they won't understand. They have issue with her being in the same bed as him. Her mother has called her easy and a s**t basically.

So my questions are how can I handle my jealously better? And how do I know if the poly life is for me?

 

[kdt26417]

Greetings ConfusedAussie84,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Here's some links you can use to help get a better grip on jealousy ...

Let us discuss the greeneye monster shall we?
How to slay the greeneyed beastie.

How To Contain The Green Monster
Jealousy, Envy, Insecurity, Etc.
How do you achieve compersion?

The Theory of Jealousy Management
The Practice of Jealousy Management

Jealousy and the Poly Family
Kathy Labriola: Unmasking the Green-Eyed Monster
Brené Brown: the Power of Vulnerability

And as for whether the poly life is right for you, you can only figure that out by studying and learning as much about poly as you can. Obviously Polyamory.com is one good place to do that. You can read what others posts and ask questions and stuff as well.

And there's several good books you can read, such as ...

• "Opening Up: a guide to creating and sustaining open relationships," by Tristan Taormino.
• "More than Two: a practical guide to ethical polyamory," by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert.
• "The Ethical Slut: a practical guide to polyamory, open relationships and other adventures," by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy.
• "Sex at Dawn: how we mate, why we stray, and what it means for modern relationships," by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá.

Take your time; no need to make the decision quickly.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

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