New and scared

[Mandalove23]

Hello, so I am new to polyamory. I am getting to know a married couple. They are both beautiful inside and out and I want to get to know them and hopefully things will go in the right way. I am scared because I don't want to cross any boundaries. I don't know what's okay and what's not okay. They both have told me things and I guess "rules" and they both are very open to everything!
I also haven't told really anyone that I even like girls, so I also worry what happens when I get into this relationship and it becomes serious? I wouldn't be able to tell my parents.... would I be able to have kids? They both said they want a long term relationship with someone and hopefully someday have kids and all live together.
Again I am new to all of this and have tried looking up information and asking tons of questions. So I would love some advice please! Thank you!!

 

[kdt26417]

Greetings Mandalove23,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Don't worry too much about messing up, you are bound to make minor mistakes along the way. Just make sure that your companions are treating you right! You're not just a third wheel.

Just some initial thoughts ...
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

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Welcome aboard!

 

[Nadya]

Hello and welcome, I am glad you found this site! Take a look around here, do a (tag) search with the words "triad" and "unicorn" - you will get tons of information.

Triads are hard, and your situation as a joint girlfriend to a married couple is very vulnerable. Just remember, you are exactly as important than the members of the original couple! You shouldn't be only worrying about yourself making mistakes - they can make mistakes as well. Of course it is important that you treat them with respect AND vice versa. You are no less than they are.

Here is a link to the Relationship Bill of Rights on the website More Than Two. You have rights. Why I am stressing this is that we see here on these boards a lot of similar situations to yours where the new girlfriend receives very bad treatment from the original couple. I hope it will not happen to you! Anyway, educating yourself about polyamory is a wise thing to do - this board and More Than Two site are good starting points.

About your situation specifically: Ask them clearly about the rules they have agreed on between them two. Those rules will affect your life directly. This conversation is good to be done in writing - over emails? - so you can get back to what was said later on. Misunderstandings do happen, all the time.

And, the baby question... you seem to want to have kids of your own one day. If that is so, inform them about it now, and then you all can discuss the rules and boundaries around the baby thing. Would it be possible that one time you and the husband would have a baby or two? If not, you need a freedom to find a partner outside the triad to be a father to your kids. Also, unplanned pregnancies happen even in poly relationships. What if you would get preggers by accident? These things are important to be discussed early on.

At this point of time I would worry less about coming out as poly. First you need to decide whether or not you really want a poly relationship.