New and starting to notice my insecurities

Thank you for thinking of me! Things are going really well. I went on my first date on Thursday and we instantly connected and fell hard for each other. We actually hooked up last night and it was amazing. and my husband fell in love too. Now my issue, is that I compare my new love to other guys! I went on a date with someone else on Friday and I just didn't feel the vibe. I did say we should meet up again but now I'm having second thoughts. When do you know for sure if someone is for you? This is all still very emotional for me-- it's weird to open up your heart and be vulnerable with someone else. It's worth it though and my husband and I fully support each o ther.
 
When you know someone is for you, is very subjective and varies from person to person.

Me, I know the moment I start talking to someone at the very least whether there's enough of a "click" to continue talking to him. He might not be "for me"; that isn't always possible to predict (though I knew it with Hubby and with my ex-boyfriend within an hour or so of the first "hi, nice to meet you"), but I at least know whether they're someone I'm interested in. I've learned to trust that initial instinct and walk away if I don't feel that connection, or if I feel uncomfortable, because the times I've ignored it haven't ended well.

If you don't feel the "vibe" with someone you meet, why agree to meet again? They might be a perfectly nice person, but in my opinion, life is too short to spend social time with someone you don't actually want to spend that time with.
 
Thanks for your thoughts. I guess I was afraid I was being too picky since my first date set the bar so high. This other guy is very nice and we have a lot in common but I didn't feel the same energy with him. I guess I am afraid to say something. But I will.
 
I don't think there's anything wrong with having a second date even though no sparks were flying. Some people get really nervous on a first date and things go better on a second date. Some of my criteria for saying "no" to a second date is if I was totally bored with the guy on the first date, turned off by his appearance or hygiene, felt uncomfortable with expressing myself, or if he says something I cannot stomach (like a prejudice or something politically or ideologically at odds with me). Still, you should never feel like you have to say yes, or like you owe a guy anything.
 
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I totally get it. You meet a guy on Thursday and it is a big WOW with him and you're off...

The very next day you go out with a different guy and it's...meh. That could be because you are still high on the guy from Thursday.

I can see where that might be a little too much to deal with your first time out the gate.
 
I'm glad you understand. I honestly wasn't really attracted to the second guy. I only liked how we have some things in common so maybe we are more compatible as friends.
 
There's nothing wrong with making friends. :)
 
I've been on both sides of a "no magic" first date. You might (eventually) be surprised at how often these turn into long-lasting friendships & more. Even total lack of NRE does nothing to prevent development of a deep relationship.

Conversely... well, like Mom once told me, just because there's a lot of sizzle doesn't mean the firecracker is going to be much use the second time around.:D
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I haven't pawed through this thread yet, but to go back to the root post: getting familiar with your insecurities is a GREAT second step. (Being brave enough to admit they might exist is the first.)

I'm no saint, & despite long & varied experience, I still carry PLENTY of insecurity, jealousy, envy, overprotectiveness, whatever... but I don't let it control me, & I enjoy digging around in my psyche to get better acquainted with the weird little subroutines lurking there.
 
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