New and struggling
- Thread starter saturnascends
- Start date
Again, I can relate to everything you said. Also, in your following post, that you find people your age boring? Tell me about it! I don't find 40 somethings as boring as some of the older men I've talked to or dated who were in their 60s haha. I keep up to date. My partner Pixi is 22 years younger than me, and we have tons in common. And we love to share the stuff from our eras. I share cool stuff like music or trivia from the 60s and 70s, and she fills me in one what I missed out on from the mid 80s-90s when I was knee deep in babies lol.Kevin, thank you for the welcome! I appreciate it and I am happy to be here. I took your advice on looking for a local polyamory group and found something for the NY area. Not sure if it’ll produce any results, but it can’t hurt to try! As for meeting people in real life, I’d love to try but aside from the meetings these type of groups have, I have no idea where to go! The idea of finding someone in the wild organically just seems so impossible.
I have to agree with Magdlyn about OK Cupid. My husband suggested I try it as he had some matches, but I had absolutely no luck whatsoever. And I believe the paid version is $50 a month?! I will say I did like that they offered options to put in your relationship as anything other than monogamous. Maybe I’ll try it again, who knows. I’m getting to that point
Magdlyn, thank you for sharing your story! That’s so nice that you’ve found Pixi and have been happy together for so long. I have heard of Fetlife and have considered making an account there - however while I am open to kinky things I don’t have experience, and I don’t want to be misleading to anyone. Maybe if I am forthcoming about that in my profile/posts it’ll be worth a try.
I can’t blame you for leaving the relationship with the parent with a new baby. The reason my first relationship broke off was due to children as well. He and his wife decided to try for kids and so they were closing up their relationship. He offered to still be friends but I knew I couldn’t do it based on my feelings for him. And I knew that having a child is something to be celebrated with your partner without being dragged down by someone who has residual feelings. Sigh.
It’s nice to hear that you also came into this whole thing later in life, because sometimes I wonder if I’m too old. Then I realize that’s silly. What’s funny to me is all the men I have dated or communicated with online (and subsequently got ghosted by haha) were all 10-15 years younger than me. I’m not only looking for younger people, but it just keeps happening that way! I personally think we attract what we put out, and as cheesy as it sounds, I think I am young at heart.
As for the ghosting being related to age/generation? To blame it all on that would be easy. I don’t doubt that growing up with most communication being done online can take away some of the human aspect of it all. But I don’t know. I just wish we could understand what the hell is going on in people’s heads. Getting ditched by someone would still hurt but at least you’d have closure? I’d like to think I have a good grip on reality - I am smart, well spoken and witty and I think this all comes across when I talk with someone online. I also look for this when talking to people, and it’s glaringly obvious when it’s not there. So in the case of this last person, everything was so perfect seeming. I know in the end it’s all just words on a screen and people can be anyone they want. But I guess I feel extra hurt because it’s like I was duped. What can I keep saying about it. It hurts me but I need to forget it. And look for the next man to ghost me
20 something men have that sexual stamina I like too. Older men, even in their 40s, can start to struggle with ED. And it just gets worse in their 50s and 60s. My sex drive increased in my early 40s, so I find I match well in bed with guys under 50.
I've spoken to people (just acquaintances or friends) who are younger, and went through a period where they'd sometimes ghost when talking to people. They will admit to being emotionally immature. And men will say anything to get sex. Some men will say anything just to get some cybersex one time, even. They just want some wank material. They don't really want an ongoing relationship at all. I just don't get it.
One of my last dates, the guy acted like he was really into me, and we met a couple times, had some romantic dinner dates, he was so friendly and smart and complimentary of me. It seemed like a match. So, we had sex once. He talked about things he wanted to do with me on our next dates. The last thing he said was, "See you soon!" But no. He got his sex, and he was done. And I saw him the day after our sex date, on Fetlife (where we'd friended each other), commenting on this other woman's pix and telling her they should get together! He'd just treated me like a whore. Bought me dinner a couple times, got laid, he was done.
It's like playing the lottery. But you have to take the risk to make something happen. Maybe finding someone in a hobby group or in your new poly group will work for you. Good luck!
The most bizarre thing that ever happened to me was this one guy who apparently ghosted on me after texting, phone calls and finally one dinner date. He disappeared. He wouldn't answer my messages. A couple weeks later, I'd told a friend about it, and somehow she saw a news article that he'd tried to kill himself by hanging himself off a bridge near where he lived. Someone came by and cut or loosened the rope somehow, and he fell into the shallow water and sprained his ankle. The article even interviewed him. He said he was suffering from bad depression and was getting help.
saturnascends
New member
Ugh!!! That’s terrible (about the last guy you dated). It sounds like the guy I’ve been lamenting over but 100 times worse. What a disappointment. I’m sorry that happened to you. People really are just so weird.
And WOW, that is so wild about the attempted suicide. How awful!! I’d venture to say that’s definitely an extreme case, but it definitely goes to show literally anything can be happening behind the scenes. One of the other people I got ghosted by got COVID - he had to be hospitalized briefly. He came back to talk to me after that but after a couple days he disappeared again. I was so concerned for his health, that he had to go back to the hospital, even worried about the very real possibility that he had died. I asked him if he could update me on his situation and didn’t hear anything for two weeks. Then just the other day I see he unmatched from me on Tinder. I’m sure he had a ton of craziness in his life from the virus (assuming it was all true), but I felt so bad, like the human part of me that was just concerned for another human was ignored. What can you do.
BrokenArrow
Active member
Just a note about the dating apps:
Paid for OKCupid for a month or two. Not really worth it. Also as a free service it's been kind of garbage. My wife's had a bit more luck with it than I have but everyone loves a good vagina, or so I'm told lol.
Switched to Tinder and paid for a month on there. A lot more results than OKCupid but everyone is thirsty as fuck. They know what they're there for. Met my current guy on Tinder after I stopped my subscription. Super liked him because he had a funny D&D t-shirt. Best decision ever. Again, my wife has seen much better results than I have because "I have a vagina". She's even made some poly friends. We're having a few of them over for game night tomorrow.
Paid for OKCupid for a month or two. Not really worth it. Also as a free service it's been kind of garbage. My wife's had a bit more luck with it than I have but everyone loves a good vagina, or so I'm told lol.
Switched to Tinder and paid for a month on there. A lot more results than OKCupid but everyone is thirsty as fuck. They know what they're there for. Met my current guy on Tinder after I stopped my subscription. Super liked him because he had a funny D&D t-shirt. Best decision ever. Again, my wife has seen much better results than I have because "I have a vagina". She's even made some poly friends. We're having a few of them over for game night tomorrow.
saturnascends
New member
You know, Tinder is the place I’ve had the most matches too - so it can’t be the worst. I mean, have they stuck around? No. But It’s the app that’s yielded the most results for me so far. I caved in and bought a month of Ok Cupid last night. I’ll see if it pays off. Why do I feel like it won’t? Haha.
I met 3 significant partners (HipsterBoy, DinoActivist, and Artist) through OKC, and a handful of other dates, but once they started making it so you couldn't just message people I quit having any luck. On the other hand, when they made all those changes I was mostly looking to date other femmes and that's a MUCH shallower dating pool.
saturnascends
New member
That’s good to know! The interface definitely seems less than desirable if you are using the free version. I didn’t know you could previously message. That would make a difference for sure. I made a match yesterday and we have a tentative date, so maybe it’s paid off already! Life sure is weird and unpredictable