New frontier
- Thread starter dali5671
- Start date
Hi dali5671,
Welcome to our forum.
Hope poly didn't hit you too hard on the head! Now to plunge into Polyamory.com like a big, colorful ocean, laden with fish and coral and all kinds of strange, magical things.
Have a look around, and let us know if you have any questions.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
Welcome to our forum.
Hope poly didn't hit you too hard on the head! Now to plunge into Polyamory.com like a big, colorful ocean, laden with fish and coral and all kinds of strange, magical things.
Have a look around, and let us know if you have any questions.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
sterling119
New member
sounds like us....lol. We have been in a ploy relationship since this last april and it has it's good and not so good points but so far so good. If you need someone to compare notes with or just to talk to I am here......D husband of D who is in a poly with her being the "hinge" with a man J.
dali5671
New member
Intro continued
To elaborate, we have been married 20 years, a decidedly non vanilla 20 years in which we enjoyed swinging activities and other forms of kink. She met a man who had been embroiled in a physical relationship with a coworker, and hearing about him piqued her interest. One thing led to another....I liked the fact she could have a FWB, and they shared a common interest in D/s. I was not prepared for their chemistry to be as incendiary, and was not prepared or inclined to accept the growing emotional bond between them, and it's taken a vast amount of communication between my wife and I to be able to move forward to the place we are today.
It is a happy place today, anyway....
To elaborate, we have been married 20 years, a decidedly non vanilla 20 years in which we enjoyed swinging activities and other forms of kink. She met a man who had been embroiled in a physical relationship with a coworker, and hearing about him piqued her interest. One thing led to another....I liked the fact she could have a FWB, and they shared a common interest in D/s. I was not prepared for their chemistry to be as incendiary, and was not prepared or inclined to accept the growing emotional bond between them, and it's taken a vast amount of communication between my wife and I to be able to move forward to the place we are today.
It is a happy place today, anyway....
dali5671
New member
Hi Sterling
Thank you for offering. I did look at some of your posts, I would like to know if a poly life is something you wanted. I had never considered myself poly, or really even considered poly.
We have recently discussed have "K" move in with us, but it is such a huge step, it doesn't seem doable right now. As I mentioned, communication was key in being able to do this with any degree of success, and he is an introvert, it is not a natural skill of his. And it would have to much be increased if we were to live here.
I take it you 3 are able to communicate freely? And anyone else reading may share thoughts on this as well.
Thank you for offering. I did look at some of your posts, I would like to know if a poly life is something you wanted. I had never considered myself poly, or really even considered poly.
We have recently discussed have "K" move in with us, but it is such a huge step, it doesn't seem doable right now. As I mentioned, communication was key in being able to do this with any degree of success, and he is an introvert, it is not a natural skill of his. And it would have to much be increased if we were to live here.
I take it you 3 are able to communicate freely? And anyone else reading may share thoughts on this as well.
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Well communication is certainly a key element in any poly relationship, but let's face it, some people are natural communictors; others have a hard time expressing themselves. You allow some leeway for the "communication challanged," without letting them off the hook. They still have to try to communicate.
Moving in together is certainly a huge step. Make sure all your ducks are in a row if you try it, and as much as it sucks to say it, have an emergency plan in case the poly relationship turns south and "K" turns out to be a real thorn in your side. You need to be prepared to effectively remove him from your premises if it comes to that. I'm just saying, once you hand someone a key to your house, you have handed them a heck of a thing. Far more complicated than if you were giving them a key to your car.
I am just speaking from personal experience. I let a person move in all too easily, and well it wasn't long before that person turned out to be someone completely different than how she presented herself in the beginning. My lady says, "Trust has to be earned," and I think that's especially true when it's your house you're talking about.
Other than that, it sounds like you have worked out most of your emotional issues so far, and are on even ground. Continue to do your best, and let us know how things are going.
Regards,
Kevin T.
Moving in together is certainly a huge step. Make sure all your ducks are in a row if you try it, and as much as it sucks to say it, have an emergency plan in case the poly relationship turns south and "K" turns out to be a real thorn in your side. You need to be prepared to effectively remove him from your premises if it comes to that. I'm just saying, once you hand someone a key to your house, you have handed them a heck of a thing. Far more complicated than if you were giving them a key to your car.
I am just speaking from personal experience. I let a person move in all too easily, and well it wasn't long before that person turned out to be someone completely different than how she presented herself in the beginning. My lady says, "Trust has to be earned," and I think that's especially true when it's your house you're talking about.
Other than that, it sounds like you have worked out most of your emotional issues so far, and are on even ground. Continue to do your best, and let us know how things are going.
Regards,
Kevin T.
dali5671
New member
Part of the foundation for their relationship is that BDSM connection. I have elected to no longer be a part of the action when they play that way....I am an outsider at that point. I'm not going to say I don't get it, when she and I were younger, we played that way. I could not proceed with it at a certain point, but she has encouraged me to explore a way it may work for us.
So, you feel that you are transitioning away from BDSM into a more vanilla style, or just that you have more limits now on how far you want to go with BDSM?
Does your wife want you to develop some kind of style of BDSM that works for your limits and her desires? If so, does that request line up with what you feel you want (for you)?
In my idealistic mind, I'd like to think that one of her guys could be plain old vanilla and the other could be BDSM and then she'd be getting the best of both worlds. But maybe plain old vanilla just isn't her thing?
Is any of this causing any of the three of you to stress out, or affecting any of your relationships negatively? If not, then maybe it's just an opportunity to explore yourselves and have some fun. Perhaps?
Does your wife want you to develop some kind of style of BDSM that works for your limits and her desires? If so, does that request line up with what you feel you want (for you)?
In my idealistic mind, I'd like to think that one of her guys could be plain old vanilla and the other could be BDSM and then she'd be getting the best of both worlds. But maybe plain old vanilla just isn't her thing?
Is any of this causing any of the three of you to stress out, or affecting any of your relationships negatively? If not, then maybe it's just an opportunity to explore yourselves and have some fun. Perhaps?