Hello from SWFlorida. I The male is 59. The mrs is 41. The new guy is 58. We are em barking on a new chapter for our family. We have had guys in our past before and her being intimate with others is not an issue. The other guy is in a horible unhappy marriage and says he wants us to be his new family. .We have two children 10 and 2. I have read some of the post and they have been very helpful. I think the biggest thing I'm having trouble with ( The Mr ) is her unreal sex with the new guy....He takes her to levels I have not ...Not that this in unusual. I've seen her with many men. When we were in the Swinger life I The Mr had a few girls but nothing close to her numbers...The relationship has progressed to them saying they love each other. Am I crazy sharing her ? Love to find another family with the same position . Thanks and talk soon.
New Guy For The Mrs
- Thread starter RandD2018
- Start date
Several things going on here. Let's break it down.
You're former swingers. You've both had consensual sex with others.
Now you are considering polyamory. But it's not ethical, so not really polyamory. Polyamory demands that all parties involved give full consent. You wife's bf's wife doesn't know about his attraction/sexual relationship with your wife? It's not ethical, it's not polyamory. There's more, but I'll get back to it.
You are using sexist terms without being aware. Calling her your or the Mrs implies she exists as your possession. Saying you're willing to "share" her also implies she is your possession.
In poly, we understand both parties are individuals with autonomy. No one owns anyone. So, you give "consent" to her having other relationships, even now, emotional as well as sexual ones.
You might consider using nicknames. So instead of "the Mrs" you could call her, let's say Jennifer. Bf could be Jason. His wife could be Julie.
So. Jennifer wants Jason. You give consent. Julie needs to be informed. She might as well be, it sounds like their partnership is dead. Maybe only staying together for the kids or social standing.
Jason can't be part of your family until he informs Julie and releases or relaxes ties with her.
Otherwise he's just a nasty Cheater McCheaterton, and you and Jennifer are complicit in his shady ethics.
You're former swingers. You've both had consensual sex with others.
Now you are considering polyamory. But it's not ethical, so not really polyamory. Polyamory demands that all parties involved give full consent. You wife's bf's wife doesn't know about his attraction/sexual relationship with your wife? It's not ethical, it's not polyamory. There's more, but I'll get back to it.
You are using sexist terms without being aware. Calling her your or the Mrs implies she exists as your possession. Saying you're willing to "share" her also implies she is your possession.
In poly, we understand both parties are individuals with autonomy. No one owns anyone. So, you give "consent" to her having other relationships, even now, emotional as well as sexual ones.
You might consider using nicknames. So instead of "the Mrs" you could call her, let's say Jennifer. Bf could be Jason. His wife could be Julie.
So. Jennifer wants Jason. You give consent. Julie needs to be informed. She might as well be, it sounds like their partnership is dead. Maybe only staying together for the kids or social standing.
Jason can't be part of your family until he informs Julie and releases or relaxes ties with her.
Otherwise he's just a nasty Cheater McCheaterton, and you and Jennifer are complicit in his shady ethics.
Oh, the "unreal" sex Jennifer is having with Jason is caused by infatuation hormones, which we call New Relationship Energy, or NRE. It's almost a given that New and Shiny person brings exciting and intense sex. This generally lasts 6 months to 2 years, depending on personality, hangups/repression or lack thereof, and how often the new couple gets to be together.
You could request Jennifer not share information about her sex with Jason with you. You don't need to know the details. I know in swinging, hearing or seeing the sex one's partner is having is part of the thrill. But polyamory doesn't automatically include threesomes, hot wifing or cuckolding.
You could request Jennifer not share information about her sex with Jason with you. You don't need to know the details. I know in swinging, hearing or seeing the sex one's partner is having is part of the thrill. But polyamory doesn't automatically include threesomes, hot wifing or cuckolding.
Greetings RandD2018,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.
I don't think you're crazy for sharing your wife, that is very generous. Poly is a relatively new thing, people are not used to it. They're not used to the new rules. You have a good start, and will learn new rules as you go along. Let us know if you have any questions.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"
Notes:
There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!
Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.
Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.
If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.
Welcome aboard!
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.
I don't think you're crazy for sharing your wife, that is very generous. Poly is a relatively new thing, people are not used to it. They're not used to the new rules. You have a good start, and will learn new rules as you go along. Let us know if you have any questions.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"
Notes:
There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!
Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.
Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.
If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.
Welcome aboard!
Al99
Well-known member
Hi RandD2018 - welcome to the Forum! Hopefully you will find the information and advice that is available here from experienced poly folks useful as you contemplate transitioning from a swinger mindset to a poly mindset - excellent pointers from Magdlyn above. Best of luck! Al