Hello everyone! What a find this forum is. I've been lurking and occasionally poking around for the better part of six months now. I've been thinking about opening my marriage but terrified of taking the plunge.
A bit about me. I am male, 43, married happily to a 41 year old woman. We've been married ten years, and have one six year old child. They are both my life. Nobody is more surprised than me that I am even considering this, and maybe I wouldn't have if my wife hadn't developed major medical problems after the birth of our daughter.
The details of the medical issues are not important, but for several years it not only made our lives very challenging, but it made sex very painful for her. One night she told me that it was OK for me to find it elsewhere. The arrangement we came to was that I wasn't going to go on the prowl or post a profile on Tinder or anything, but if the opportunity presented itself I wouldn't have to say no. She also didn't want to know about it.
Not once did I take advantage of this arrangement, nor did I really try. I do travel a lot for work so theoretically there was lots of opportunity, but I was always painfully awkward about dating even BEFORE I was married. This added complexity just made it more so. A couple of years pass and my wife's health (and our sex life!) improve. So naturally, THAT'S when the opportunity presented itself on a silver platter.
I was travelling for a conference and met a charming woman who asked me out for a drink. I said yes. There was a definite connection, and after the bar closed we went to my hotel to continue talking. In the back of my head, alarm bells kept ringing. My wife and I never spoke about closing up our marriage again (even though she was better), but being with this new woman felt fifty shades of dishonest. Eventually, the decision was made for me. I was so paralyzed by my indecision that the woman got bored and left (I did mention that I was always awkward about dating). I spent the rest of the night feeling angry at myself for what happened as well as what didn't.
Anyway, I never mentioned this to my wife or anyone else. It just sat in my gut, making me feel like a horrible person. And then, when I was travelling another time, I met ANOTHER woman who I had an instant connection with. Once more I did nothing about it (albeit a LOT less awkwardly this time around), but now I couldn't help but think... could i make a go of this "open marriage" thing? I adore my family and I don't want anything to change, but denying these connections I'm making with other people feels like denying an essential part of myself. I want to pursue them.
Soooo that's my story. I imagine it's one that is familiar to many of you. I am terrified of bringing this up with my wife and blowing up everything.
Thanks for reading!
A bit about me. I am male, 43, married happily to a 41 year old woman. We've been married ten years, and have one six year old child. They are both my life. Nobody is more surprised than me that I am even considering this, and maybe I wouldn't have if my wife hadn't developed major medical problems after the birth of our daughter.
The details of the medical issues are not important, but for several years it not only made our lives very challenging, but it made sex very painful for her. One night she told me that it was OK for me to find it elsewhere. The arrangement we came to was that I wasn't going to go on the prowl or post a profile on Tinder or anything, but if the opportunity presented itself I wouldn't have to say no. She also didn't want to know about it.
Not once did I take advantage of this arrangement, nor did I really try. I do travel a lot for work so theoretically there was lots of opportunity, but I was always painfully awkward about dating even BEFORE I was married. This added complexity just made it more so. A couple of years pass and my wife's health (and our sex life!) improve. So naturally, THAT'S when the opportunity presented itself on a silver platter.
I was travelling for a conference and met a charming woman who asked me out for a drink. I said yes. There was a definite connection, and after the bar closed we went to my hotel to continue talking. In the back of my head, alarm bells kept ringing. My wife and I never spoke about closing up our marriage again (even though she was better), but being with this new woman felt fifty shades of dishonest. Eventually, the decision was made for me. I was so paralyzed by my indecision that the woman got bored and left (I did mention that I was always awkward about dating). I spent the rest of the night feeling angry at myself for what happened as well as what didn't.
Anyway, I never mentioned this to my wife or anyone else. It just sat in my gut, making me feel like a horrible person. And then, when I was travelling another time, I met ANOTHER woman who I had an instant connection with. Once more I did nothing about it (albeit a LOT less awkwardly this time around), but now I couldn't help but think... could i make a go of this "open marriage" thing? I adore my family and I don't want anything to change, but denying these connections I'm making with other people feels like denying an essential part of myself. I want to pursue them.
Soooo that's my story. I imagine it's one that is familiar to many of you. I am terrified of bringing this up with my wife and blowing up everything.
Thanks for reading!
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