New here, new to polyamory- in a casual relationship with recent ex, practicing poly


New member
Hey there!

I am really grateful and nervous to be here. I am really glad that websites like this exist! I'll try to make this short, any and all feedback is welcome<3

Intro: I'm a 27 year old queer woman, who was in a 2 1/2 year monogamous relationship with a 35 year old queer woman. We broke up the middle of last month (February). We have now started to have a more casual relationship... we are still being sexually/emotionally intimate with one another but are not fully committed so we can work on/focus on ourselves more. She doesn't want to lose me and neither do I. She also says that her heart is wanting something new right now.

She is currently being sexually intimate with someone who was our mutual friend and she is also pursuing one another person. I am transitioning from our breakup to our new reality... am almost healed and am almost ready to start seeing other people. I have always been polycurious but never had the chance to practice polyamory. She has practiced polyamory without knowing what it was. We are both starting to open up our world and hearts to the idea of it all and have been researching into it recently. I also recently purchased The Ethical Slut.

Backstory: Covid caused a strain in our personal lives, which in turn affected our relationship. I left for 2 weeks in December for Christmas, she started hanging out with a mutual friend while I was gone and developed a "crush on this person." She has a history of doing this in past relationships when things head South. I found out she emotionally cheated on me throughout January and even stayed the night at her house while we were still technically together and called her out on it the beginning of February. She doesn't understand emotionally cheating but what she did crossed a boundary and that she understands that now.

We talked about opening up our relationship/being polyamorous at the beginning of February but she felt like it would be too much work... We broke up towards the middle of February but we were still sexually intimate during that time/talking/figuring out if it was what we really wanted. She started to have sex with that woman near the middle of this month (March 12). Originally I was furious, since she said they were just friends. She promises that was their first time being intimate in that way... I proposed us having a casual relationship so we have continued to be intimate. I start focusing on myself, she tells me last week (March 22) that she is falling in love with me again. We have been talking all week/have also been intimate still and she says her heart wants something new right now and that is why she wants to continue exploring this person but she doesn't want to lose me and I don't want to lose her. She also is wanting to pursue my recent poly friend platonically, and potentially more. We have all talked about our boundaries and agree to this arrangement. This new relationship she has feels good to me because it started with consent and has been openly communicated. But I still have resentment towards the original woman that she is seeing because that relationship started with/based off of denial/deception/lies.

I am almost healed from the whole emotional cheating experience and am almost healed from grieving the death of our monogamous relationship. It has been harder on me to accept this new reality because I wasn't ready for it. I am worried though that my ex hasn't allowed herself to heal fully since she overlapped/rebounded so quickly. Despite all of the hurt and healing though, this new direction excites both of us and I almost feel ready to put myself out there again, and my ex/anchor is preparing herself for the emotions that come up when I find someone, but she also supports and wants this for me.

Also today we have agreed that we are seeing one another again... and have agreed we see each other as each other's anchor but we are not making anything official again, at least at the moment. She says that her relationship with the other woman is a FWB situation. I'm not sure if all of this is considered polyamory but there is consent/communication all around... we all know about one another. All of this is very new, scary and exciting.

Thanks for reading! Will probably post my story on the relationship forum also because I am seeking feedback/support/curious about similar experiences.


Official Greeter
Greetings Alliumqueen,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I read your other thread, and responded there briefly. To summarize, I think my main advice to you is to go slowly in all the poly things that (the two of) you do. As you are new to poly, you need a chance to catch your breath along the way. Other than that, I think you're already doing the right things. Keep reading and posting on the boards here, and we'll try to help you as much as we can. Good luck!

Kevin T., "official greeter" :)


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