I don't even know what you call what I'm doing, and my best guess is poly, so I found this board, but if there's a better forum for finding a friend(s) to talk to, so I'm not alone in my confusion, I would so very much appreciate some guidance to the right place.
So basically, I blew off someone years ago because he was a player and I felt like it was all sex, but it never bothered me that he engaged in sex with other women. To be honest, I've never really understood the concept of ownership, except that it seemed important enough that if I wanted to enter a relationship with someone, that was expected, and thus I did stay within the relationship in each case.
Years later, we started talking and what he had to offer sounded refreshing. I had been celebate for years, tired of the drama, and enjoyed my freedom, so seeing him once in awhile sounded fun, and we enjoyed taking it all over the place, even just started playing with others in bed. He introduced me to all this and I am game, realizing what I'd been missing out on. I never worried if I was the one invited to join them, or if we were inviting them to join us. My best anology to interpret it was like kids all coming to enjoy a playground. The first woman, he kissed sweetly but we never did, and I thought, okay, its just with each woman in his life, its different. But then with the next woman, he also kissed sweetly, but he never does with me. I don't care, in and of itself. I didn't have to be the ONE he wants the most, or even consider such things, but when its right in front of me, I feel like I'm less.
I thought about ending it without explanation but then I feel like I'd be missing out over something that is probably fine, and I'm just feeling left out because of some petty need to feel special, when that's not what this is about.
I thought about trying to talk to him about it, but I feel stupid to make an issue out of something that should be just fun.
I thought maybe its telling me that I don't belong in relationships like these, but it still bothers me why he's different with me.
I don't want to make more out of it, make rash decisions that are unnecessary, but I could use some help if someone could help me figure this out.
I don't have any friends who I could talk to about it, not because they would judge, but because I wouldn't trust how they interpret any more than I would a therapist.. I like getting dressed up and being hot once in awhile, in a safe and trusting environment, among regular people. I'm not going to just go out and find that so easily again, so to throw out the baby with the bathwater seems extreme.
But I don't like the bathwater in this analogy. Any advice, or direction to a forum that I could talk to others? I could be there for people like me too, no one should be alone just because their lifestyle choices aren't acceptable to the mainstream.
I know he'd talk to me if I asked him to, he's a caring person, but I'd rather keep it hot, and not introduce issues that might be simple if I talked to someone who knows.
So basically, I blew off someone years ago because he was a player and I felt like it was all sex, but it never bothered me that he engaged in sex with other women. To be honest, I've never really understood the concept of ownership, except that it seemed important enough that if I wanted to enter a relationship with someone, that was expected, and thus I did stay within the relationship in each case.
Years later, we started talking and what he had to offer sounded refreshing. I had been celebate for years, tired of the drama, and enjoyed my freedom, so seeing him once in awhile sounded fun, and we enjoyed taking it all over the place, even just started playing with others in bed. He introduced me to all this and I am game, realizing what I'd been missing out on. I never worried if I was the one invited to join them, or if we were inviting them to join us. My best anology to interpret it was like kids all coming to enjoy a playground. The first woman, he kissed sweetly but we never did, and I thought, okay, its just with each woman in his life, its different. But then with the next woman, he also kissed sweetly, but he never does with me. I don't care, in and of itself. I didn't have to be the ONE he wants the most, or even consider such things, but when its right in front of me, I feel like I'm less.
I thought about ending it without explanation but then I feel like I'd be missing out over something that is probably fine, and I'm just feeling left out because of some petty need to feel special, when that's not what this is about.
I thought about trying to talk to him about it, but I feel stupid to make an issue out of something that should be just fun.
I thought maybe its telling me that I don't belong in relationships like these, but it still bothers me why he's different with me.
I don't want to make more out of it, make rash decisions that are unnecessary, but I could use some help if someone could help me figure this out.
I don't have any friends who I could talk to about it, not because they would judge, but because I wouldn't trust how they interpret any more than I would a therapist.. I like getting dressed up and being hot once in awhile, in a safe and trusting environment, among regular people. I'm not going to just go out and find that so easily again, so to throw out the baby with the bathwater seems extreme.
But I don't like the bathwater in this analogy. Any advice, or direction to a forum that I could talk to others? I could be there for people like me too, no one should be alone just because their lifestyle choices aren't acceptable to the mainstream.
I know he'd talk to me if I asked him to, he's a caring person, but I'd rather keep it hot, and not introduce issues that might be simple if I talked to someone who knows.
