New to poly and have some questions

C

Crondoval

New member
Me and my husband and started our journey with poly about 7 months ago. He has a girlfriend who is also my friend and we have a v with sometimes shared time with the three of us. I am bi my hubby is straight and she is also straight but enjoys touch by both which is agreed on by all three of us. My question is this: Our anniversary, mine and hubbys, is coming up we would like for her to share it with us, but she doesnt feel it is her place to as it is our anniversary. I understand that but I dont want her to feel left out or sitting at home alone as we all live together. I enjoy her company as well as my husbands. Just wondering how others handle this situation should we go out and leave her home alone when this is how she feels? I just feel like we are leaving her out and i want to include her as well as I love her too as a friend and as a sister wife to my husband. As you can tell I am very empathetic to those around me Just struggling on how to handle. Any advice would be helpful. I want her to come but dont want to push if she is really feeling this way
 
I would be tempted to trust her at her word and just go out and celebrate with your husband. Perhaps it's worth figuring out if there is a particular date that she and your husband might like to consider their own as well, for her and him to celebrate alone when the time comes around? Or perhaps even a date for all three of you as well, like the date she moved into your shared home or something? I think she's actually being really lovely and respectful of the fact that regardless of your V, each dyad has it's own history and special moments, and to me that bodes extremely well for the future stability of all three of your relationships. :)
 
Thank you for the response. I have been going back and forth on it a lot and feel like I should respect her wishes, just love having her as part of our family and want to share everything together. I will take all this in and speak with everyone about it. I like the thought of having our time and their time and joint time as well.
 
I agree with Tenk. Maintaining and growing each individual relationship will help strengthen the group dynamic, in my opinion. I also like the idea of celebrating three anniversaries :) I'd also add that just because you and your husband celebrate alone, does not prevent the three of you from also celebrating.
 
I celebrate my anniversaries with my guys separately.
 
Hi Crondoval,

I agree with tenK, you could have another anniversary for her and him (and possibly one for all three of you as well). More importantly, it is her decision to stay home while you and your husband go out together. So, respect her decision and thank her for letting you have that time.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
I wouldn't want to be a part of another couple's anniversary celebration and I would appreciate being able to do that as a couple as well.
 
The four of us celebrate each of our anniversaries together and we have a family anniversary that we also celebrate. But that's just what we do. We've been doing is for 18 years so it seems to work for us.

My vote is to invite her along but if she doesn't want to go then don't sweat it. Just go out and have a good time and respect her wishes.
 
Listen to her and enjoy time with your husband. She feels that that bond is important enough to celebrate without her. I would be flattered, it show's a lot of respect for her to do that. There will be plenty of time to celebrate her on other day's.
 
Thank you for all the responses. We sat down and discussed it me and hubby are going out that night after telling her from both our hearts how much it means to both of us the respect she is showing. I also opened up the point that i wanted to celebrate our family as well and she is open to that. Thank you everyone for the advice!!:D
 
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