New to poly and need help.

[Lilybug]

My partner and I started dating just over four months ago and I knew from the very beginning that he was interested in having a poly relationship. I had a previous interest and desire, but was still new the the whole experience. He didn't have much more experience, but views sexual relationships very differently than I do and doesn't understand why it is taking me time to transition into this lifestyle. He has already had multiple sexual partners, one fairly regularly, and has tried to be patient with me as I have tried to navigate the complex emotions that have resulted.
I feel like I need time to adjust and educate myself on the poly world, while he just wants to jump in. I feel like I have done the best I can to articulate that I am not ready to move forward, but I also don't want him to feel restrained or held back. I cannot figure out how to balance my need to take things slowly and work through them with his need to just BE poly. The hard part with that one is that, because he is entirely comfortable with it, he views my need to go slow as a sign that I will never be ready and constantly makes me feel overwhelmed (this is entirely unintentional on his part).
How do I work on being comfortable with all of this (which I know I can with time) while not making him feel restricted?


He is an amazing person and I know that this post may not put him in the best light, but I need help and advice on how to move forward. Message boarding was a suggestion he made to help me do so. Please be kind.

 

[IndieSolo]

Hi and welcome!

What is he expecting you to do to "prove" you're OK with poly? Is he expecting you to also have sex with the women he's having sex with? Is he expecting you to go out and date other people as much as he is?

Polyamory isn't a race or a competition. He shouldn't be taunting you or telling you you're not doing it right. He should be supportive and patient. If you need time, you need time.

Are there certain things in his behavior that bother you? I'm sure he's a "great guy," but you've only been seeing each other a very short time, and in four months you don't really know someone all that well - is he worth all the crap he's piling on you?

 

[kdt26417]

Hi Lilybug,

Re (from OP):

"How do I work on being comfortable with all of this while not making him feel restricted?"

Seems to me that you're already doing that, and I don't know that he's giving you much choice. Your best bet is to simply keep learning about poly. Familiarity helps us feel not so scared about whatever was unfamiliar. Keep reading/posting on this forum; also look at the books and websites Opening Up and More than Two.

Maybe that's somewhat of help?
Sincerely,
Kevin T.