New to poly and new here so go easy :)

[Boogienights69]

Hi All

Thought id introduce ourselves to everyone as we are new here and indeed new to the idea of poly relationships.

We are a happy couple madly in love with each other and have been together now for three years. We got together while both seeing other people but obviously the relationships we were in weren't what we were looking for hence finding each other.

I (male) am bisexual with my partner being bi curious though she's never tried (yet). When we got together I wanted honesty from the start so confessed my sexual orientation and discussed with her my views on sex and sexuality, luckily she also shared my very liberal views so the conversation was easy. What we discovered was that in each previous relationship we had ultimately cheated, myself because of my desire sex with men and she had in search of the 'thrill' of someone new!

I had experience of swinging with a previous partner and suggested we try this as a new couple which she jumped at, all of our experiences of multi partner sex have been fantastic, some have been with bi males which was a first for her to witness but she loves it, more than she ever thought she would.

We slowly gravitated toward a cuckold type of swinging as we discovered my desire for her when she was 'dating' a lover went through the roof. My libido suffers from time to time due to being on HRT so having another man/men on the scene alleviates some of the pressure on me to perform and gives her the freedom to explore her own sexuality.

We are now at a point where we are discussing moving forward with our life together and possibly incorporating a third into our life on a more regular basis, someone we can both share time with sexually as well as no sexually.

We have been seeing a male now for the past two years and while he isnt bi the connection between him and my gf has grown to the point that if she was asked to choose, she would pick him for sex/intercourse as the passion between them is that electric. At first when she told me this, it was a big blow but as time goes by I find myself embracing the thought of being a second sexually as I see the effect he has on her and then in turn us/me.

Unfortunately we don't think he wants anything more than what it is, which is a frantic sex session every month or two which is a shame as we have mentioned to him numerous times that we would both like him to be part of our sex life more often, I guess some men are in it simply for the sex though even that isn't as regular as we would like.

We are always on the look out for a new third to form our triad but as its early days we aren't pushing, hopefully one day it will happen but what we have now is fresh and new to us at least and has made us both realise that monogamy has never been a correct fit for either of us.

The search for a regular third is still on but as we aren't really pushing to find someone it may take a while

 

[kdt26417]

Hi Boogienights69,

Sounds like you are taking things reasonably slow, which I think is wise. Polyamory can be complex and there is a lot to learn, so don't rush yourself into it. Take some time to read a lot of the threads on this forum and to post your thoughts and questions as you go along.

Even if the guy you are with is not the right fit for you in the long run, I think he is good for you in the short run and you can enjoy your time with him until another man comes along. Who knows what all's going on in your current guy's life. He might have a lot of responsibilities and can't be available very often.

I just hope you have a good experience with polyamory, and that this site can help you along the way.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.

 

[LoveBunny]

Keep in mind that what you're searching for is known as a "unicorn," a bi person who will get with both you and your spouse, and who, presumably, is willing to put your coupleness above their own relationship with each of you.

As a bi female, I'm often approached by couples who are mystified as to why I won't date them. It's because I want one-on-one connections of my own, not to be a third to another's relationship. I prefer to choose my own partners very carefully, not have them picked for me in a "package deal."

You might have better luck dating separately from wifey. You might meet a nice gay man who isn't interested in your wife, or a bi guy who already has a female partner. I think your current approach, seeking a guy who will engage with you, but has to engage with your wife, too, sort of negates the deep, emotional connection you're seeking. Many experienced polyamorists refuse to date couples at all, and when triads happen, they occur more organically.

Either way, hope you find what you're seeking. I know how it feels to want that same-sex connection so badly.

 

[Boogienights69]

Thanks for the replies guys, its great to have an outlet to ask questions and be free to discuss thoughts regarding our relationship dynamic.

I guess we are looking for a unicorn but am well aware of the hardship in doing this. I think in the early days of our search we did focus heavily on finding a bi guy we could both gel with and share times together and to some degree its still the case. With having A (her other lover) on the scene, it has opened our eyes to a different dynamic we hadn't really considered which is having someone she alone could share a sexual relationship with and one that could potentially bloom into something more.

There have been a handful of times where she has spent time alone with just the two of them which made her realise she prefers being alone as she can relax more sexually, on top of that she also discovered the chemistry they both share as she was able to fully enjoy the time.

As a couple we are very strong and in this for the long haul together, my fears of losing her to another man are no longer there as we have discussed things and have a truly open truthful relationship to the point where she can openly admit to me that she prefers intercourse with A but thats not to say its bad with me, just that theres more of a 'spark' with him, I attribute this to a kind of NRE energy they both have.

In the short term its working for us and we are all enjoying our positions within the dynamic, obviously both myself and my GF would prefer if A would dedicate more time and effort into things but for what it is now, its FANTASTIC!

Keep in mind that what you're searching for is known as a "unicorn," a bi person who will get with both you and your spouse, and who, presumably, is willing to put your coupleness above their own relationship with each of you.

As a bi female, I'm often approached by couples who are mystified as to why I won't date them. It's because I want one-on-one connections of my own, not to be a third to another's relationship. I prefer to choose my own partners very carefully, not have them picked for me in a "package deal."

You might have better luck dating separately from wifey. You might meet a nice gay man who isn't interested in your wife, or a bi guy who already has a female partner. I think your current approach, seeking a guy who will engage with you, but has to engage with your wife, too, sort of negates the deep, emotional connection you're seeking. Many experienced polyamorists refuse to date couples at all, and when triads happen, they occur more organically.

Either way, hope you find what you're seeking. I know how it feels to want that same-sex connection so badly.

 

[Magdlyn]

Hi and welcome, BG69.

First of all, may I request as per our guidelines, that you and your gf post individually? And even if she doesn't post, it is helpful if you give her a nickname, as well as a nickname for her OSO. Less confusing than just saying "my gf and A."

I concur with the previous poster that you, like many or most couples in newly open relationships, are on a unicorn hunt. It often ends disastrously if you do manage to force a triad. You can do a tag search here for triad, triads, unicorn, etc. There are also good websites out there for polyamory with articles about triads, jealousy, time sharing, safer sex, common mistakes, NRE, and the like.

I agree your gf is in NRE with A, since even though they've been seeing each other 2 years, it is infrequent, and that extends NRE.

I wish you well in finding a male partner of your own, if that is your ultimate goal. Enjoy the ride and good luck.