Hey all...
I'm a 38 yo hetero female who has been in a mono relationship for the last six years. My amazing primary partner (PP) has had a lifelong problem (going back to puberty) with severe ED. He originally suggested the idea of an open relationship around 5 years ago, and I lost it. We nearly broke up, but he ultimately withdrew his request, stating that I was more important to him, and if it upset me that much, the timing was wrong. He suggested, though (I thought he was crazy at the time) that I would one day have a need for more than he was able to provide in our relationship, and that he didn't feel threatened by the thought of my looking outside our couple to find it. I was not to feel guilty over it, merely to talk to him when I felt that way.
Fast forward to a couple of months ago...
A former coworker and friend that I had lost touch with called out of the blue. He had been a good friend of both of ours, and wanted to reconnect over some drinks and games, so he came to our place for an evening of talking and laughing. I was thunderstruck by the attraction I had always tried to overlook in the past, paired with a terrifying feeling that I'd never be able to consider him "just a friend" again. I agonized for days. Finally, after changing the subject whenever PP caught me with faraway eyes, crying whenever I had a moment alone, and generally tearing myself apart, I broke down and told him. Imagine my shock when he said he'd always known of my attraction to (BF). He told me that I shouldn't feel guilt over loving someone... that if I was having these feelings for BF, I should pursue it with his blessing. I was astounded. What kind of love is that? To be so trusting and sure... to want to see me happy, even if it meant someone else held my heart too? At first, I told myself I'd only tell BF about my feelings, and PP's suggestion. He'd probably run screaming, right?
Nope. Not only did he admit that he'd always had feelings for me, but he proceeded to tell me that he had previously been involved in polyamorous relationships. Our first kiss was magical, holding nearly four years of longing. He's in a LDR with a woman who's planning to move next year to be with him. He plans to approach the poly subject with her, but they are open until she moves here, and he and I have decided to give ourselves at least until then. I am prepared to let go of our sexual relationship at that time, if needed, but we are committed to maintaining our friendship at all costs. If I do have to let him go, it will hurt... but I'd rather have him in my life for a season, than to give him up because I'll only have a few months. You know, 'tis better to have loved and lost...
The surprising thing for me has been how much stronger my love is for PP. And, how much I want him to find what I've found with BF... I want this joy for him.
My heart is full to bursting, and I want to shout to the world that I have two men who love me, and that I love them both, and it's WONDERFUL!
I'm a 38 yo hetero female who has been in a mono relationship for the last six years. My amazing primary partner (PP) has had a lifelong problem (going back to puberty) with severe ED. He originally suggested the idea of an open relationship around 5 years ago, and I lost it. We nearly broke up, but he ultimately withdrew his request, stating that I was more important to him, and if it upset me that much, the timing was wrong. He suggested, though (I thought he was crazy at the time) that I would one day have a need for more than he was able to provide in our relationship, and that he didn't feel threatened by the thought of my looking outside our couple to find it. I was not to feel guilty over it, merely to talk to him when I felt that way.
Fast forward to a couple of months ago...
A former coworker and friend that I had lost touch with called out of the blue. He had been a good friend of both of ours, and wanted to reconnect over some drinks and games, so he came to our place for an evening of talking and laughing. I was thunderstruck by the attraction I had always tried to overlook in the past, paired with a terrifying feeling that I'd never be able to consider him "just a friend" again. I agonized for days. Finally, after changing the subject whenever PP caught me with faraway eyes, crying whenever I had a moment alone, and generally tearing myself apart, I broke down and told him. Imagine my shock when he said he'd always known of my attraction to (BF). He told me that I shouldn't feel guilt over loving someone... that if I was having these feelings for BF, I should pursue it with his blessing. I was astounded. What kind of love is that? To be so trusting and sure... to want to see me happy, even if it meant someone else held my heart too? At first, I told myself I'd only tell BF about my feelings, and PP's suggestion. He'd probably run screaming, right?
Nope. Not only did he admit that he'd always had feelings for me, but he proceeded to tell me that he had previously been involved in polyamorous relationships. Our first kiss was magical, holding nearly four years of longing. He's in a LDR with a woman who's planning to move next year to be with him. He plans to approach the poly subject with her, but they are open until she moves here, and he and I have decided to give ourselves at least until then. I am prepared to let go of our sexual relationship at that time, if needed, but we are committed to maintaining our friendship at all costs. If I do have to let him go, it will hurt... but I'd rather have him in my life for a season, than to give him up because I'll only have a few months. You know, 'tis better to have loved and lost...
The surprising thing for me has been how much stronger my love is for PP. And, how much I want him to find what I've found with BF... I want this joy for him.
My heart is full to bursting, and I want to shout to the world that I have two men who love me, and that I love them both, and it's WONDERFUL!
Thanks for reminding me.
