New to Polyamory would love advice as the Monogamous partner

M

MysticKat

New member
Hello!

I have been with my husband for almost 10 years, married for 3 and a half. After a few therapy appointments he came to the realization that he identifies himself as Polyamourous. We have always been in an open relationship, but not to the extent that the outside partner has been emotionally connected to him, rather it was just sexual which I was very comfortable with. He is currently seeing someone who we will call Rose that he is emotionally invested in. This is a new position for me to be in. I am a bit uncomfortable with his outside relationships being intimate and am struggling to adjust. Although I have the same freedoms, I have a very monogamous mind set and am also an introvert. I do not have the same desires as my husband to socialize and connect. Because of this difference between us it is hard for me to fully feel comfortable in our situation. I struggle with jealousy, insecurity and fear from time to time about their relationship. I love my husband and he gives me all the love and attention I need, so I am not lacking in that department. I am just struggling with societal norms and a conservative upbringing to fully jump on board with his choice to be Poly. I would love some advice from someone who can relate to my story and offer some perspectives on how to make things work between a Poly and Monogamous relationship. Thank you!!

~Kat
 
I can kind of relate to your situation, only difference is it's reversed. I am poly and my husband is monogamous.

The only advice I can think of is to try to find ways to overcome your insecurities and always always talk to your husband about how you are feeling. Never take your jealousy out on him or his other relationships and always approach him calmly and have a civil conversation about some insecurities that you feel you need to address. I am sure he will be more than willing to talk and help you through them.

Just remember that you are his wife and he loves you and that won't change because of his feelings for someone else because he may love that other person differently and your relationship is no less special than theirs, it's just different. Your support will also help him to know that you are doing OK and it is ok to set boundaries as long as they are realistic and fair for everyone involved.

Good luck!
 
Greetings Kat,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I have a few links to share as far as mono/poly relationships are concerned ...

I can share some links about jealousy/insecurity too if you'd like.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

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Welcome aboard!
 
Hey Kat
I am not sure if an outsider to you or your relationship can fully understand what you feel, but I would like to offer a personal opinion. After 30 plus years together my wife and I started to explore the swinging world before we finally realized that we are not swingers but a couple with poly tendencies. I have yet to fulfill my hope and dream to share my life with another female. My wife has been dating a younger man for over a year now. At first it was so confusing to me hearing her say how she misses him and loves him. I did have some of the feelings of being left out and not nearly as important to her anymore. Time has a way of making things come clearer into focus. I now know that it is such a different love and our love has grown even deeper as we go forward. I have no trouble having him as a friend but yet at first there was some resentment that he was taking something very special from me. Now our triad relationship has grown to the point that if they wish to go out together as a couple I have no problem with it. She is even more affectionate toward me knowing she has no limitations of a jealous husband.
The one experience I did get to have when we were going through our swingers experimentation was an encounter with 2 females. My wife was so happy for me to get that chance.
Hopefully this can give you some insight into our life and give you some solace when you get those feelings of doubt
 
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