New to the lifestyle

[Wife119]

I'm not really sure where i fall in the categories of polyamory. My husband having a girlfriend has always been a dream of mine. In a perfect situation, it'd be like a best friend for me and his girlfriend. I have no interest in dating other men, and I'm not sure how a I feel about being with another woman outside of a 3some. About a year ago I gave him permission to have sex with other women, but I made it a rule that they couldn't be in the same town, we live in a small town and people are judgy. I did make an exception for one friend of ours that we knew well.

Anyway, a few months ago I lifted that rule, having to go out of town to meet people just isn't practical, so he has only just really began to act in this whole open, other relationships thing. I was a little concerned at first that it would be harder and more difficult in practice than it was in my head. But its been amazing. I love everything about it. The only issues have been that he isn't always the best and making sure I know where I stand. And Some times, I get irritated when he's texting other women a lit when he's at home, but I've identified that it's only when I'm already in a bad mood and feeling bitchy and the issue isn't really that. I'm working on being able to acknowledge that in the moment and not start an unnecessary argument that I don't mean. Other than that I love everything about it.

I'm just wondering if anyone has any tips or advice, we don't have many rules because neither of us are sure what to expect.

 

[kdt26417]

Hello Wife119,

Right now you do not need to do anything in particular, just keep the communication channels open with your husband, and continue to post on this thread/forum, updating us on your evolving situation so that we can give you updated advice. It sounds like your dream is to have an open V, where your husband has a girlfriend, and is also free to hook up with other women, plus it sounds like you're open to threesomes. In an open V, your husband would be the hinge, and you and his girlfriend would be the legs of the V. It sounds like you wouldn't have a romantic relationship with her, and maybe wouldn't hook up with her except in threesomes.

I hope Polyamory.com will help you to navigate this new lifestyle. Let me know if you have further thoughts/questions/concerns.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.

 

[Ravenscroft]

My husband having a girlfriend has always been a dream of mine. I'm not really sure where i fall in the categories of polyamory.

O, that's easy: a rarity. You're a woman who wants her husband to have another partner; the only thing rarer might be a bisexual woman seeking to join a couple as a supplement to their existing marriage (termed "a unicorn").

So the first question is "how?" or maybe "why?" because in this culture that sort of thinking doesn't exist except as a sexual fantasy (usually by males) or Romantic scenario -- it's not presented at all as a reasonable option that can be chosen by calm, mature adults.

It's almost as though you are speaking for your husband, asking what he should do to better keep you convinced --

I love everything about it. The only issues have been that he isn't always the best and making sure I know where I stand.

I was a little concerned at first that it would be harder and more difficult in practice than it was in my head. But its been amazing.

And Some times, I get irritated when he's texting other women a lit when he's at home, but I've identified that it's only when I'm already in a bad mood and feeling bitchy and the issue isn't really that. I'm working on being able to acknowledge that in the moment and not start an unnecessary argument that I don't mean. Other than that I love everything about it.

The "distance" thing does make me curious --

having to go out of town to meet people just isn't practical

I'm unsure what you mean here by "town," & why it's apparently so remote. The town I live in has less than 7,000 people, with farms scattered all 'round. The nearest "big city" (35 miles) is officially 53,000. A significant part of our population lives in one & works in the other, & thinks nothing of a one-hour drive for steady dating purposes.

If I were to kiss up to only elegible women in my town, the "dating pool" of singles would be gone rather quickly, AND hundreds of people would be talking freely about what I was up to. As a result, most of those who'd consider me would be interested primarily in sex-only, OR in launching a messy breakup with their husband/boyfriend; my presence at a bar or restaurant (or even workplace) speaking to an "attached" woman would be cause for troubles.

In short, I think this is poorly considered -- vague male fantasy at best -- that WILL have repercussions. But, YMMV.

I'm just wondering if anyone has any tips or advice, we don't have many rules because neither of us are sure what to expect.

Then you need to read, & read LOTS, like a million words or so, & I am NOT exaggerating. You need to ask questions & get answers that you understand. You need to remain aware that the desires ("needs") of all three of you are likely to change/evolve over the coming months & years, & that this may result in you going your separate two or three ways.

 

[Magdlyn]

Some women raised in a Mormon area have more desire for a "sister wife" than for a male lover of their own. I mean, sisters can be great, yeah? Sometimes. If you like your sister. Sometimes we crave "girl talk" more than hot sex and romance with a new male partner.

Girl talk, sharing cooking and washing up, sharing other chores, going shopping together, watching chick flicks together while hubby goes out to do guy stuff, doing your hair, getting pedis together, talking about your periods and bras and epilation, in short, having that feminine sensibility to share that most men (except, imo, effeminate gay men) can not share.

In other words, you have a built in, live in bff, who is tied to you doubly, by your friendship, and by her romantic/sexual relationship to your husband.

Also, if your sex drive doesn't match his, you can both serve to accommodate his needs in that area.

A problem could arise if gf broke up with hubby. You'd probably lose your friend.