new to the whole thing

C

cobra80

New member
Well a im glad to have found this site. And reading a few other sites have helped my situation a lot and helped me discover a little about me

My wife had a girlfriend once before but she was a crazy chick for sure I also had an affair and came clean about it around the same time

This past january my wife asked if she could start dating this other girl we have both known her for a while and her husband was fine with it so I gave the go ahead. Little did I know the emotional roller coster we were about to go on. I got jealous, scared, and just about evry other emotion there was. Even had her break it off for about a week I caved and couldnt stand to see her sad. I stumbled on a web site morethantwo.com read it and then forward it to my wife. She then sent it to her girlfriend and it has opened up both of us. I understand now the whole concept of poly and why I was jealous. I also saw in myself what I have been missing. I have joked with her before about me having a girlfriend and she alays said yes but you could tell she wasnt ok with it we have now talked more about it and she understands why I would need one. I can tell she is still put off by it but I also dont have anyone in mind.

So thats a little about me and my situation. It has been a roller coster but right now we are in a place in our marriage that we never thhought we would be in and we are booth increadable happy that we found the polyamory groups and social sites. Thank you all for helping
 
Greetings cobra80,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Franklin Veaux's morethantwo.com is a great site, I'm glad you found it. He has a book you can get; also check out "Opening Up: a guide to creating and sustaining open relationships," by Tristan Taormino.

Dig into our site and explore; let us know if you have any questions.

Glad you could join us.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

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If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
You need a girlfriend because your wife has one?

I have a few questions. First, how do you think any potential girlfriend for you would feel about you needing her because your wife has a girlfriend and, therefore, so should you? Second, let's say you met a woman and began a relationship with her, and fell in love with her. Then, six months into it, your wife and her girlfriend break up. Does that mean you would have to get rid of the girlfriend because your wife no longer has one? Or does your wife now have to find someone new just to keep up with you?

See where I'm going with this?
 
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I don't think the OP was saying he needed a girlfriend before his wife had one - more that his wife was not comfortable with him having one and they are now talking about that.

Ethical non-monogamy will often blindside you with emotions you never expected. How you and your partners deal with these emotional 'weather patterns' will help determine how the transition to poly goes. Fortunately the More than Two book is a fine place to start learning about how to cope and eventually thrive.
 
I didnt mean to imply that I needed a girlfriend just because my wife had one now. It was something that has always been on my mind. We both belived in monoghomy and didnt realize this lifstyle was out there. We were tought from day one you fall in love and that is it you are with who you are with no matter your feelings. We have both had feelings for other people but have not acted on them out of respect and fear of hurting one another. We both have one other realtioship before hand which had made us stronger. The diffrence with those reatioships they were not honest ones.

This is all new to us and we are both reading everything we can and talking as much as we can about this. Our relationship has grown ever more stronger just by learning more about each others needs. If I find a girlfriend thats a plus if I dont oh well im not activally seeking one.
 
Sounds like things are going pretty decently so far.
 
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