New to this all

[Wulfhill]

Hello,

Thought I would introduce myself. I am a 40 yr old male starting or I guess started on the poly/nonmono life in July 2016. I was thrown into this in away by my fiancée of 9 yrs. I am finding that I have really bad mood swings when she is talking to guys. I do want to give this a real try with her but I am constantly dealing with jealousy and envy at the same time. I am jealous that she has it so easy to find men to chat with and for me it is hard to get the ladies to pay attention to me at all. I guess that's more my envy. I get jealous of the time she spends talking to a guy and my fear from loss in past relationships flares it's big draconian head at me and my insecurity kicks in and I feel that I have done something wrong in my life to make her want to seek more than I am giving her. I fear that she will find that guy that will give her all that she wants and needs and she won't want me anymore or I will be turned into a second to the other man (which to me is 1 step away from the door). She says everytime that this will never happen because of our history together. There is a big long story there that also makes me fear. Maybe more can be told in time. I am trying to figure out how to cope with my feelings so I am not stressing her out and I can stop making her feel guilty. So I found this forum in hopes for support and ideas an what I can do.

Thanks
Wulfhill

 

[kdt26417]

Greetings Wulfhill,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It seems to me that you are not doing anything wrong; it is hard to get used to the idea of polyamory, especially when you are getting the leftovers when she is getting the prime rib. You are right that men have a harder time of finding people to date, especially when they're married in a poly situation. You have to decide if you can make peace with this unfortunate reality.

There are of course things you can try ... but I am assuming you have already tried OKCupid. That can yield results but only after a lot of time and patience.

If there is anything we on Polyamory.com can do to help, we'll be glad to do so.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

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