New to this

I

irishlily3

New member
Hello all,
I am new to this forum. I have tried facebook discussions sites to find more information, I've done this before with a BDSM life and had a positive reaction when I asked about what we were looking for I was treating with bullying and made fun of. So please unless you have any real advice, I don't mind open discussion but no hostility.

My Husband and I are wanting to add a third party into our relationship, not just for sex, but an actual relationship. We would out in the open, terms with boundaries would be discussed when need be. anything is open for discussion to the number of partners we have after the relationship after we have established all. In the other discussion group, I was in I was called a unicorn hunter, would this be a negative term? The way they used it was. I am trying to hide anyone or make people uncomfortable. I know There will ups and downs like any relationship. I know communication I key. Has anyone had any experience or useful advice for me? I know there will be negative feelings just like any mono relationship. like I said communication is key.

any advice?
 
Unicorn hunting is generally frowned upon in the poly world. This is because the couple usually acts as a unit, while the "third" must comply with whatever the unit wants.

That's not to say this configuration can't work. It just takes work on the part of the couple to not be a couple unit any longer.

My advice is to read up on the pitfalls. Be honest with yourselves. Be honest with whoever you attempt a relationship with. Also, keep in mind that the relationship you are seeking has a high failure rate.
 
Greetings irishlily3,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

There is a good article about unicorn hunting at the following link: So, someone called you a Unicorn Hunter?

Unicorn hunting is usually associated with a situation where a hetero husband and a bi wife want to add a third to their marriage, where the third is a bi female. With unicorn hunting, people often assume that the married couple will exercise "couple privilege" over the third. They will set the rules, and the third will comply. Often the third will be expected to be equally in love with both the husband and the wife. It is often a rule that the third will only have sex in a threesome with both spouses, no one-on-one sex, while the spouses may still have one-on-one sex with each other. And there can be other rules, such as that the third's relationship with the couple will be kept secret from their family and friends, that the third will not have any children but will babysit the couple's children, etc.

These rules are okay as long as the third is informed about all of them ahead of time. The only problem is, most women would not agree to become a third in the first place with all those restrictions. That's why they are called unicorns, because they probably don't exist. To summarize, if you want to improve your chances of finding someone willing to be your third, resolve to reduce the number of rules you will have. Give her more freedom. On the other hand, if a having a lot of rules is a necessity for you, that is okay but just prepare yourself for a long and difficult search (unless you get really lucky). And be willing to explain your rules (all of them) to your third before she becomes your third. Consent is not consent without complete knowledge of what one is consenting to.

Such and so would be my initial advice, I hope that helps.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

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Welcome aboard!
 
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